Hatoon brought a little bit of weirdness to the lives of anyone who met her, including the Commentator.
The 2000 Tater Awards issue, featuring this cover, kept disappearing in droves from our boxes overnight. This puzzled us, as we didn’t think there was anything overly controversial in the issue to warrant dumping. Then-OC-News-Editor Ben Nahorney soon learned that Hatoon was at the center of the mystery, as he had regular conversations with her in front of the Knight Library. Here’s the story from the following Summer Issue:
Cartoon Eyes and Cartoon Suits
Apologies are far and few between up here in Room 205. That is, unless
someone knocks over your beer; then, its just a matter of tact.
Nevertheless, we are compelled to straighten out a misunderstanding
about our most recent issue.
Throughout July and August, Issue XIII routinely disappeared
from distribution boxes around campus, particularly from our
box behind PLC, next to the Knight Library.
It wouldn’t be the first time, and usually we can chalk it up to the
hippies or whatever group has been maligned by the most recent issue.
However, following an interesting conversation with one of this campus
unsung icons, it turns out that the real culprit is Hatoon: the talkative
“crazy lady” outside the library.
According to Hatoon, “All the children of the world are being born
with cartoon eyes,” and somehow, the OC is responsible. While the OC
categorically denies any and all connections to such a cartoon-eyed
newborn syndrome, we regret any actions on our part that may lead one
to think otherwise. Neither the management nor the staff of the OC
would condone such a thing, and we would like to go on the record as
to say so explicitly, so there are no further misunderstandings.
Now please, Hatoon, leave the goddamned issues alone already.
Our issues stopped disappearing once the Summer Issue came out. When Ben asked her if she stopped taking issues she said something to the effect that the children of the world were safe once again.
Hatoon, you kept Eugene weird for all of us. Rest in peace.