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Archive for April, 2005

R.I.P. Bruce Miller

Wednesday, April 27th, 2005

According to the Emerald, Bruce Miller, 62, is dead.

This is very sad news. Unlike Hatoon, Miller was an actual presence, a person with whom you could interact. He may have been annoying from time to time, but deep down, I think he was a genuinely caring man. Perhaps he cared too much. Its hard to understand how a 60-year-old man could be so consumed by the inner workings of student government.

But whether he was handing you copies of his latest hand-written diatribe against Dan Williams or telling Ben Strawns mother that her son was incompetent, he made an impact. Hell surely be missed for that.

For us at the Commentator, a little piece of our history died with Bruce. In a way we were intrinsically intertwined. I remember that the last time I saw Bruce he was carrying two things: a photocopy of one of our editorials and a copy of Petes feature biography about him.

Like I said, I find this sad

Give Them A Pulitzer

Tuesday, April 26th, 2005

The ODE gives us another entrant in the on-going “Blindingly Obvious Headlines” department. Today’s contestant: Student leaders break promises.

In other news:

  • Ocean Found To Be Salty
  • Sand Can Be Melted To Make Glass
  • The Sun Is Hot
  • To Call Daily Emerald
  • Headline Writers ‘Mongoloid’ Insulsts Mongoloids.

    Commodify me, Baby.

    Friday, April 22nd, 2005

    Oh, God! The pain! The horror!

    Doesn’t treating “people of color” as faceless statistics defeat the purpose of diversity?
    The University was slightly less diverse in fall term 2004 than in 2003! A 12.9% decrease in minority and international student enrollment since 2002? How will we ever go on? How can we call ourselves a politically correct campus with…gasp!…an increase in white students?!

    Perhaps we should blame Greg Vincent: Dr. Diversity isn’t doing his job. The stats don’t lie, doc. All the fluff and nonsense leaving your mouth in those anti-OC leadership seminars won’t sway those figures.

    Perhaps we should blame the UK, China and Australia for being more interesting (and less hostile) than the USA. Stealing our diversity: the nerve!

    Perhaps we should just go home and cry ourselves to sleep knowing that diversity doesn’t love us anymore. People of color, why hast thou forsaken UO?! We’ll bow to your accusations of American hegemony. We’ll vow not to cheat on you with any other self-identified international victims. We won’t even act like The Man! Wherever you go, whatever you do, we will be right here waiting for you…(sob!)

    Mostly Nonsexual

    Wednesday, April 20th, 2005

    Hot (well, lukewarm) off the wire:

    Man passes self off as UO professor

    EUGENE, Ore. (AP) A Eugene man passed himself off as a psychology professor, fooling dozens of students at the University of Oregon, according to police in Eugene . . .

    Vaifale posed as a professor to gain the trust of students and to develop relationships with male and female students, investigators said.

    The relationships were believed to be mostly nonsexual, police said.

    The article goes on to reveal his MO:

    He dressed professionally, carried a briefcase and frequented Straub Hall, where the psychology department is located.

    I don’t get it. I’ve seen real professors do a whole lot less than that and skate by alright. They should give this man tenure. Show me a professor, real or not, who’s not using survey classes as a radical bully pulpit or clogging academic journals with critical meta – post – decon – neo – jibbajabba gibberish, and I’ll show you a guy who’s not bothering anybody.

    But then that phrase: “mostly nonsexual.” So much left unsaid.

    UPDATE, MOMENTS LATER: Obviously I don’t read the Emerald much. Forgive me.

    Ron Mexico

    Tuesday, April 19th, 2005

    Those of you that follow the NFL are probably familiar with Michael Vick. He’s recently been accused of knowingly giving a Georgian woman the Herpes Simplex 2 virus. We haven’t heard Vick’s side of the story yet, so the allegations should be taken with a large grain of salt.

    What’s funny about this case isn’t the herpes, rather it’s that the same woman claims Vick repeatedly used the alias Ron Mexico when he allegedly went in for testing and treatment. As a result, the NFL has banned the name Mexico from being used for customized jerseys, a real guy named Ron Mexico has been harassed by the media, and sports fans everywhere are thinking of their own Ron Mexico names. Having trouble thinking of your own funny Name Place combination? Try this site, which generates them for you. So, what’s my name? Buster Belarus, of course. What’s yours?

    Election Results

    Tuesday, April 19th, 2005

    We have a pope; I can finally sleep again.

    He’s already 78 years old so we get to go through all this again in a handful of years. Calls himself “a simple, humble worker in the vineyard of the Lord,” and he certainly looks like a drinker.

    Election Results

    Friday, April 15th, 2005

    So, the election results are in and — drum roll — Adam Walsh and Kyla Coy beat, nay, destroyed Ashley and Jael, 1174 to 857.

    The OC did not formally recommend Adam and Kyla, but we were pulling for them. This is a big fuck you to ASUO stalwart and PFC member Jael and her ticket, which was fovored to win.

    Good luck Adam and Kyla. Everybody can expect a good post elections issue soon, which will have some interesting information concerning an important doctored PFC tape.

    Dead Pool: Lost Another One!

    Monday, April 11th, 2005

    Damn! Damn! Why didn’t I pick Andrea Dworkin? Damn!

    How Dare You Try To Feed Yourself!

    Sunday, April 10th, 2005

    Via Sploid, apparently the purveyors of gambling, showgirls and booze don’t want to deal with smut competition. Note the condescending tone of the reporter, as if such folks who’re trying to make their lives better in what ways they can should be looked down upon. What’s most confusing though, is this quote:

    I have nothing against them personally and I’m aware of amendments one and three and I know they have a right to earn a living. But they should be responsible for the (trash). I spend half my day out here picking up the cards.

    Okay, amendment one, yeah, that makes sense in this context. But three? Let’s see what it says, shall we?

    No soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

    So, apparently, those casino-owning bastions of moral rectitude will have to allow the handbillers to stay…and not force said same handbillers to quarter troops in peacetime (nor in time of war).

    This Man Is My Hero

    Saturday, April 9th, 2005

    Don Boudreaux of GMU and Cafe Hayek that is:

    Pre-Columbian peoples lived simply, to be sure, but lets stop mistaking ignorance and poverty with harmony. Its an utter myth we might say an urban myth that primitive peoples lived with nature harmoniously. Nature devastated them. Nature battered them into early graves. Their ignorance of nature prevented them from achieving much material wealth. To dance to imaginary rain gods or to chant and pray for a child dying of bacterial infection is not to live harmoniously with nature; it is to live most inharmoniously. Nature is doing its thing failing to water the crops, growing bacteria within a childs lungs while human beings who are as ignorant of nature as nature is of human beings, moan, chant, pray, dance, build totems, burn leaves and twigs, all in fruitless, inharmonious efforts to solve the problems.

    Con Court Places Injunction Against Elections Board

    Saturday, April 9th, 2005

    To wit, straight from Con Court’s mouth:

    “In re Kevin Day vs. ASUO Elections Board Chief Justice Derrick writes as the appointed Hearings Officer of the Constitution Court.

    “Whereas, the Constitution Court has assigned the Chief Justice to serve as the Hearings Officer pursuant to rule 12.2 of the ASUO Constitution Court Rules and Procedures.

    “Whereas, the Court determines a hearings officer is necessary to gather information from the parties in the petition and that participation by the Elections Board in the ASUO elections during consideration by the hearings officer may compromise material components of the petition.

    “It is hereby ordered that an injunction be placed against the ASUO Elections Board and that the results of the primary election not be released until such time as the Hearings Officer makes a ruling pursuant to rule 12.2.1 of the ASUO Constitution Court Rules and Procedures.”

    I’m not entirely sure what’s going on, but I’ve heard some speculation: Apparently, there have been a tremendous amount of grievances filed against exec frontrunners Ashley and Jael. I doubt they’ll be kicked off the ballot, but I suppose that depends on the seriousness of the charges. Keep in mind that this is only rumor and hearsay at this moment.

    Need I even say this … MOST IMCOMPETENT STUDENT GOVERNMENT EVER

    Six and Seven

    Friday, April 8th, 2005

    Western Oregon Web Press… 48 hour turn around. Huzzah! Props to all the staff out there.

    Issue 6/7 is in the office. Distribute when y’all can. I took some down to the EMU boxes.

    NEWS FLASH: ODE STEALS OC STANDARD

    Friday, April 8th, 2005

    The ODE has decided to start running an inferior rip-off of the long-standing Commentator section, Spew. Just look at how pathetic their efforts are. The OC, on the other hand, continues to be run by comedic gods the skill of which is unrivaled. Go get ‘em, kids!

    America, Fuck Yeah!

    Thursday, April 7th, 2005

    This is the most awe-inspiring ode to America since the soundtrack to Team America.

    Following the Paper Trail

    Thursday, April 7th, 2005

    Proof that some members of our government just don’t care about the heath and well-being of the American public… that is, unless an individual’s health and well-being serves a higher political purpose.

    “WASHINGTON A one-page unsigned memo that became part of the debate preceding Congress’ vote ordering a federal court review of the Terri Schiavo case originated in Florida Republican Sen. Mel Martinez’ (search) office, Martinez said Wednesday.

    The memo first reported by ABC News on March 18 and by The Washington Post and The Associated Press two days later said the fight over removing Schiavo’s (search) feeding tube “is a great political issue … and a tough issue for Democrats.”

    “This is an important moral issue and the pro-life base will be excited that the Senate is debating this important issue,” said the memo, which was described at the time as being circulated among Senate Republicans.”