Everyone gets those annoying “We have untold millions in a Nigerian bank, and all we need is a kind westerner to help us out” scam emails… not everyone writes back. The Barrister Jubril Project (Hat tip: Volokh Conspiracy) shows us that these emails can be your ticket to hours of fun, fucking with the bastards who prey on idiots. Some of my favorite moments:
“What a lot of wine 30% of 42 million will buy! You see, Dr. Suleman, my colleagues and I at the JCI are great connisseurs of some of the finer fortified wines: Thunderbird, Wild Irish Rose, MD 20/20 and the like. Oh, but it is a drain on the pocketbook! With our share of the funds from this transaction our humble Journal can begin constriction of our long-dreamt-of fortified wine cellar! Just imagine the delight my colleagues and I will experience when we can sample a bottle of Tunderbird not out of paper bags in the parking lot but rather in the damp, musty regions of the earth! There will be many parties in which the Thunderbird and Velveeta flow freely.”
“So, in a nutshell, here’s the deal: you pay 10% of the $26,000 upfront to release these funds or you don’t see a dime. You have 48 hours to respond to my proposal, at which time I will be out of the country, immune from prosecution.
L. Ron. Hubbard, President, First National Bank of Paltryville”
Keep in mind, these gems were written by the “target” of of the Nigerian scam, in parts of an epic correspondance with the crooks. The website has a number of different hilarious approaches to the many variations of the Nigerian or 419 scam, including responses from “Body By Jake” and the touching handwritten note from “Joey” who endorses a fake charity by scrawling “thanks to this money I can have all the Old English Hi-Gravite Malt Likker I want.” Classic.