Here’s a surpisingly topical and nauseating story: a group of 20-30 teenagers attacked two Hispanic men Thursday night, throwing stones and kicking them while reportedly yelling things like “go back to Mexico!” According to reports, the two men were sitting in a park near Salem, minding their own business, when the mob assaulted them. In addition, the teenagers also trashed the car of one of men. Police arrested one person at the scene, 18 year-old Austin Greenwood, who was charged with second-degree assault, riot, first-degree criminal mischief and being a minor in possession of alcohol. A boozed-up Greenwood offered an eloquent defense of his actions. From the Oregonian:
After questioning Austin Wright Greenwood at the scene, a Clackamas County Sheriff’s Deputy placed him under arrest. The deputy reported that Greenwood said, “The only thing I did was wrestle with some fat Mexican.”
Apparently, Greenwood thought himself some sort of luchador. However, not yet content with his stunning display of civility and manners, Greenwood perfomed the coup de grace.
The deputy also reported that Greenwood spat on the patrol-car window and urinated in the rear seat while he sat in custody. The officer said Greenwood also repeatedly hurled profanities at the deputy as he drove Greenwood to jail, where he is now lodged.
Reading this story, I suddenly had a great idea for immigration reform. I propose a worker-exchange program where we trade waste-of-space shitheads like Greenwood for people who actually want to come to this country and work. It’s a win-win situation.