As Radley Balko put it over at Hit and Run, here’s your schadenfreude for the day. The son of AM radio’s arbiter of morality, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, is under investigation for his MySpace page, which apparently contained

“cartoon depictions of rape, murder, torture and child molestation; photographs of soldiers with guns in their mouths; a photograph of a bound and blindfolded detainee captioned “My Sweet Little Habib”; accounts of illicit drug use; and a blog entry headlined by a series of obscenities and racial epithets” (From the Salt Lake Tribune)

What could possibly make this any better? Deryk Schlessinger is currently deployed with the U.S. Army in Khandahar, Afghanistan, where he is currently engaged in God’s work, as he explains on his MySpace Blog:

“I LOVE MY JOB, it takes everything reckless and deviant and heathenistic and just overall bad about me and hyper focuses these traits into my job of running around this horrid place doing nasty things to people that deserve it . . . and some that don’t.” 

Of course, there’s always the chance that the preachiest bitch in America didn’t mother a moral monster who posted images of a top-hatted man laughing as he rapes a bound and bleeding woman in front of her family, and a man forcing a boy to perform oral sex at knifepoint as the child’s mother pleads for her son’s life on his MySpace page. Maybe, just maybe, the terrorists did it?  According to Army spokesman Robert Tallman, “it may be possible that our enemies are actually behind this. Our enemies are adaptive, technologically sophisticated, and truly understand the importance of the information battlespace, and sadly, they will use that space to promulgate and disseminate untrue propaganda.”

Meanwhile, Dr. Laura is keeping quiet on the subject, preferring of course to tell other people how to raise good children. Although, this little blog post has more than a hint of irony about it now.  Unless of course, this is an Al Qaeda smear job… in which case, their PR people are just nasty.

After Jethro Higgins’ tiresome whining about the oppression of Christians, this actually sounds credible (well, funny, anyway). Bias Response Team, Go! To the Leftorium!

Immigration is back on the table in Congress, and you know what that means: the political equivalent of Ultimate Fighting Championship. Insults are being hurled, party unity is dissolving, and Congress doing its best to come out of the scrap with a plan that pleases nobody. The current deal struck by Democrats and Republicans involves concessions by both sides; Dems get a path to citizenship for the estimated 12 million illegal immigrants in the U.S., and Republicans get tighter border security, as well a merit-based system of immigration that favors skilled-workers.

This, of course, has royally pissed off true believers on both sides of the debate. Concessions? Never! Conservatives are railing against the plan because they claim it amounts to “amnesty.” They’re so unhappy they’re boo-ing fellow Republicans who support the plan. So much for a “big tent party.” Poorly written manifestos are also increasing exponentially. Take, for example, this grammar-bomb dropped by Oregon State Representative Jeff Kropf, which he encourages all of us to send to our local representatives:

“Dear Mr. President/Senator/Congressman or woman

I am offended by spin, smoke and mirrors Feel betrayed, angry Rewards lawbreakers with a defacto [sic] amnesty many are felons having stolen ID and wont [sic] be held accountable will not secure the border or stop border illegals crossing hiring more border patrol wont [sic] matter if they are put in prison builds less fence than congress [sic] has funded already doesent [sic] require english [sic] so illegals wont [sic] assimilate will not teach illegals respect for rule of law history shows previous reforms have not worked good fences make good neighbors so build a fence or they will just keep coming no confidence in federal bureaucracy to make it work does not address the cost to taxpayers of supporting illegals through government benefits”

Wow, I can’t decide if that’s spam gibberish or slam poetry.

Immigration supporters, on the other hand, decry the deal because the merit-based system it proposes will replace the former system, which gave favor to those with family already in the U.S. You know, family re-unification and all that jazz. The new policy would be a “radical shift,” they claim. The deal would only extend visa preferences to spouses and children and not include extended family. Personally, I don’t see what the big deal is; if some of my extended family were physically barred from ever seeing me again, I’d break out the champagne (just kidding, Grandma!)

Oh well, at least we can rest assured that the debate over immigration will make good television, and that’s all that matters, right?

Former Daily Emerald Columnist, Former ASUO Executive Candidate, and International Man Of Controversy, Ty Schwoeffermann has been awarded the Ebony Man Of The Year award by the Black Women of Achievement. One could go crazy with the links on this one, but you should start at the ODE archive and read some of Ty’s work for context, then read this, this and this. Having read the incredibly flattering ODE piece on his receiving the award, I’m still not entirely sure why he deserves it, besides generate controversy. Ty’s a nice guy if you talk to him, but his writing this year has been heavy on the rhetoric and light on the common sense, clear goals, and results achieved. In fact, his greatest achievement this year might well be his inspiration of more ODE guest commentaries than anyone else. I’ll give him props for sparking debate, and inspiring participation, but the means to that end were not particularly award-worthy.

Slate has the skinny on the brave new world of political futures markets. Think you can make a buck predicting the winner? Want to test your faith in markets? Want to grab some John Edwards stock before it splits on news that he’s upgrading his haircare? What do you have to lose but the respect of anyone with less time on their hands than you?

Tim Russert does so by not honking his car horn. So how does he warn errant drivers? How did he come up with this unique form of tribute? Did he really have to demean himself by dropping this short stack of crapcakes on WaPo’s “On Faith: A Conversation On Religion With John Meacham and Sally Quinn?”

So many questions. (Hat Tip: Townhall)

A mountain-man, from a huge hick family with a long history of hating government authority, wastes a cop whom the family has been feuding with for years. While he is reloading, a Marine (with a felony record of his own) scoops up the downed officer’s weapon which he uses to dispatch the mountain-man.

I’m not sure you could make up a better story. America-fuck yeah!

link

Our esteemed alumnus, William Beutler chronicles the ornery Texan’s rise to internet celeb-of-the-moment status over at his excellent Blog P.I. site. Beutler wonders whether the online Paul-frenzy does his candidacy more harm than good, and offers  links to discussion of the authenticity of the craze.

Meanwhile, Andrew Sullivan is defending Paul at every turn, although he too had to backpeddle a bit when called out by fellow Atlantic blogger Ross Douthat. And a Right Wing News poll has 30% of 240 “right-of-center” bloggers naming Paul as the candidate they least want to see get the Republican nomination.

As Linda Richman would say, “discuss.”

At Tuesdays Republican Party debate, Texas Rep. Ron Paul turned a few heads by suggesting that *gasp* interventionist American foreign policy breeds the kind of resentment that leads to terrorist attacks on the U.S. Quoting Reagan, Paul advocated avoiding the “irrational politics of the Middle East,” cited our overthrow of Mossadegh in ’53 as a cause for the Iran hostage crisis of ’79, and generally pointed out the downsides to self-righteous crusading in that part of the world. The only answer to this line of critique came from a blustery Rudy Giuliani, who postured for the crowd by tapping into his “I lived through 9/11” mystique, and now it turns out that many Republicans would rather not have to go through such an unpleasant experience again.

Saul Anuzis, chairman of the Michigan Republican party, has announced that he is circulating a petition to ban Paul from future Republican debates, proving once and for all the fact that these are really debates in name only. It is a sad commentary that a party which has lost touch with it’s ideological roots, and is on an electoral losing streak cannot seriously debate foreign policy amongst themselves without inciting an ideological purge. Those of us who would like to see a return to sanity in the Republican party (and some who don’t really) may not necessarily see Paul as the person to bring change about, but his voice in debates is absolutely crucial.

What do you think? Sign the meaningless online petition of your choice!

Kick him off (no link, RNC members only) . Keep him on. Make Rudy debate him one-on-one. Send him to the Daily Show where he’ll be appreciated.

Here’s a link to the historic parody Campari ad featuring Jerry Falwell that appeared in Hustler magazine in 1983 and led to an important Supreme Court case five years later. The unanimous decision in favor of the magazine helped define free speech rights in regard to parodies of public figures, a form of humor that we here at the Commentator wholeheartedly embrace.

Also of interest is a statement released by Larry Flynt today in response to the news of Falwell’s death. Here’s an excerpt:

My mother always told me that no matter how much you dislike a person, when you meet them face to face you will find characteristics about them that you like. Jerry Falwell was a perfect example of that. I hated everything he stood for, but after meeting him in person, years after the trial, Jerry Falwell and I became good friends. He would visit me in California and we would debate together on college campuses. I always appreciated his sincerity even though I knew what he was selling and he knew what I was selling.

Yeah, like nobody here knows that the Insurgent is a waste of money and effort. It’s an enjoyable read though, and Graf makes the case well. If only he had mentioned the nekkid boobies in the latest issue, we could have had O’Reilly back for a rerun. Meanwhile, over in the ODE comment section, Jethro Higgins has discovered that the Insurgent only does this stuff for the attention. Tune in next week, when Higgins realizes he’s been giving them exactly what they want: legitimation of the tactics of crying oppression, and of course, the attention. I swear to god, there must be something hallucinogenic in that grass pollen, because this campus goes insane every spring.

Now with the late Rev. Jerry Falwell out of the room, I can link to these great AIDS awareness PSAs from France (very NSFW) without fear of being called a “failure as a human being.” There’s one for straight men, one for straight women and another for gay men.

Sadly, there is no way these would ever get played on TV in the states.

(Image from Boing Boing)

Well, apparently we got it wrong. According to an angry collective  member, The Insurgent did not reprint the “Aroused Jesus” Issue, but are merely redistributing original issues. Furthermore, the fourth issue of the Insurgent has come out today, and it is a thing of beauty and a joy forever, as the poet said.

Sorry Insurgents, y’all aren’t quite as big of a joke as we thought. Although now my new collection of “Aroused Jesus” issues will fetch even more on ebay, because they are originals, and we also have a new issue to SPEW the hell out of. Oh yes, and there’s even something for the poor, downtrodden campus christians too… page 21 has a picture of a topless young lady from burning man. Oh the oppression! Defund NOW!

The rumors are true. The Student Insurgent must have been feeling a little down for only printing 3 issues this year (incidentally, they get almost $5,000 a year more than us), and have decided to cheer themselves up by reprinting last years infamous “Aroused Jesus” issue. That’s right, the hand-drawn nudity that inspired months of hand-wringing and fist shaking by the likes of Bill Donahue, Bill O’Reilly, Dallas Brown, and Students Of Faith is back in all of its crisp, bright, newly-printed glory. I guess things were just getting too boring, and putting out a new issue was just too much work. Oh well, bring on the caps-lock evangelists, the blowhard pundits and the Christians-as-victims crowd… just, please, everybody read this first.

***UPDATE***

As Sean mentioned, Jethro Higgins has written a letter to the editor over at the ODE, which should be available here. Unfortunately, the ODE has a page and a header for it, but the piece itself is not yet online. Maybe someone’s scared of tripping Bill Donahue’s RSS filter, which scours the web hourly for content with the words “aroused” and “Jesus.” We’d be scared too.

The comment section over at the ODE website have been hosting some discussion on the recent string of commentaries on race relations. Since some people seem afraid to engage in debate here on our site, some of us have been mixing it up over there. Check out the discussions on recent pieces by Diego Hernandez, Ty Schwoeffermann,  and our own Andrea Blaser.

On a related note, I really wish the ODE would stop moderating comments. What are you afraid of? You guys refused to post one of my comments a while back… was it because I linked to this site? Here we are linking to you, now get over yourselves and stop censoring.