From Thursday’s Oregonian (I guess originally from AP), “Earl Threatens East Coast With Weekend Pounding.”

Tee hee hee.

According to a recent paper in the journal Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research, individuals who drink alcohol have a longer life expectancy on average than those who do not. From Time Magazine:

But even after controlling for nearly all imaginable variables — socioeconomic status, level of physical activity, number of close friends, quality of social support and so on — the researchers (a six-member team led by psychologist Charles Holahan of the University of Texas at Austin) found that over a 20-year period, mortality rates were highest for those who were not current drinkers, regardless of whether they used to be alcoholics, second highest for heavy drinkers and lowest for moderate drinkers.

…

These are remarkable statistics. Even though heavy drinking is associated with higher risk for cirrhosis and several types of cancer (particularly cancers in the mouth and esophagus), heavy drinkers are less likely to die than don’t drink, even if they never had a problem with alcohol. One important reason is that alcohol lubricates so many social interactions, and social interactions are vital for maintaining mental and physical health. As I pointed out last year, nondrinkers show greater signs of depression than those who allow themselves to join the party.

Moral of this story: DRINK MORE BOOZE!