- Cellophane: Many people see the UO’s refusal to let people talk to its new legal honcho, or even know what he looks like, as a betrayal of the transparency UO cheese Richard Lariviere has promised. They’re reading the tea-leaves wrong. Here’s the truth: Randy Geller doesn’t actually exist. People don’t know this, but ex-UO cheese Dave Frohnmayer has an extensive and beloved collection of handmade sock puppets. He named his favorite Randy Geller, after pro-wrestler Randy Savage and spoon-bender Uri Geller, his two favorite celebrities*. He loved it so much he decided to appoint it to his General Counsel’s office. But two years ago, it tragically came apart in the wash. Frohnmayer was so attached to it, the UO administration agreed he couldn’t be allowed to know, so they have been pretending it still exists to preserve his feelings. The recent promotion was an attempt to perpetuate the ruse. UO officials believed nobody would notice. But it has all backfired in their faces and become a little embarrassing. Seriously, has anybody ever met Randy Geller? (KEZI)
- Bacchanalia: The Eugene Police are readying their truncheons in case the combination of Halloween and Saturday’s Oregon Football/Hated Trojans match will produce a human tempest of epic proportions, but seem less apocalyptic in their demeanor than they were in the last such story. (Register-Guard)
- Intersex: A professor hosted a talk about it this week. (Emerald)
- ASUO: The ASUO confirmed one new senator meaningless title-holder and didn’t confirm another. (Emerald)
- Gated Suburban Paranoia: The Emerald’s Mat Wolf visits a deserted squatter camp. (Emerald)
- Emerald word-hacksaw Tyree Harris tells the dictionary definition of a horror story about a UO student’s awful childhood.
- Letters: Every Thursday is Christmas day for letters-to-the-editor fans because the Eugene Weekly comes out. This one contains so much hatred for Art Robinson, the Eugene Weekly and the electoral process. The Guard‘s mailbag has bile for the Lane County Commissioners, LTD and NPR.
- Editorials: The Emerald thinks arming DPS wouldn’t be worth the money. The Guard wants the government to help people refinance their mortgages, and thinks the Lane County Commissioners kind of made a spectacular boo-boo with their new water rules.
- Eco-idealist Jan Spencer wants you to do so many eco-things to make the planet an eco-utopia
- This probably has all the information you need. (Eugene Weekly)
- Want to carve the homelessness out of pumpkins? What do they do in countries where Halloween hasn’t been invented yet? Ever wondered how to make muffins? As whom will you disguise yourself? (Emerald)
- Want to see youth moving back and forth in a darkened club? (Voice)
- The Hated Trojans’ wily fox of a defensive coordinator says Oregon Football’s offense has him stumped. (Register-Guard)
- Oregon Rowing exists in a whirlwind of five-figure sums and early bedtimes. (Emerald)
- Pac-10 conference coaches agree: the two key matchups in the Oregon Football/Hated Trojans game? Oregon Football offense/Hated Trojans defense and Oregon Football defense/Hated Trojans offense.
- Oregon Basketball (M) has the highest graduation rate in its conference. “I’m positive about it,” lied an obviously very disappointed UO athletic honcho. Oregon Football and Oregon Running (M), though, are rock-bottom. (Register-Guard)
- Oregon Running-Long-Distances (W) is trying to win a trophy. “I believe, with every ounce of my being, that those kids are truly interchangeable,” their coach said. (Register-Guard)
- Here are some Pac-10 conference–related snippets. (Emerald)
- Emerald sports word-fiddler Lucas Clark puzzles over a professional basketball team from Miami, Fla. (Emerald)
* You think I’m making this up? Ask him.**
** He will tell you I’m definitely making this up.