Editor’s note: For those of you who haven’t perused the Holiday Issue yet, you should do so now. The link is to your right. It includes a bracket and predicted results from The Ted Kennedy Memorial United States Senate Beer Pong Tournament. Some better explanation of those predicted results might be helpful so here it is, in the form of ESPN style recaps. Actual results were based on the perceived badass levels of the senators and their states.   Where it says “coin flip,” the winner was literally decided by the toss of a dime. Today includes results from the first round, second and third rounds will be later today, with the championship rounds either late today or early tomorrow.

Western Division, First Round:

California vs. North Dakota

You think they have anything to do in North Dakota but practice for this?

Texas vs. Alaska

John Cornyn and Kay Bailey Hutchinson are a top level team, but Lisa Murkowski led Alaska to an upset with a solid performance.

South Dakota vs. Illinois

Coin flip

Michigan vs. Montana

Coin flip

Washington vs. Hawaii

“The Daniels,” Inouye and Akaka, were more than a match for the Washington team. This game was never in doubt.

Arizona vs. Idaho

Another like named team, another big win as “The Johns,” Kyl and McCain, vaulted over a hapless Idaho team.

Missouri vs. Nebraska

Kit Bond and Claire McCaskill his some cultch shots and rocked the rookie Nebraskans

Wisconsin vs. New Mexico

Coin flip

Minnesota vs. Nevada

Al Frankin’s practice from the comedy circuit and radio industry shined in this defeat of a Nevada team who were obviously not happy to be playing together

Colorado vs. Utah

In an upset win, the Utahan’s fresh Mormon livers survived poor shot making from the rookie Colorado team.

Oregon vs. Kansas

Despite their height and the added reach across the table it provided, the Oregonians were simply outlasted by Sam Brownback and Pat Roberts

Oklahoma vs. Iowa

Chuck Grassley and Tom Harkin are a veteran team, and the Oklahomans just couldn’t pull it out, despite a valiant effort.

Eastern Division, First Round:

New York vs. Delaware

Tom Carper showed poor form in this his last game (after almost getting Christine O’Donnell for a teammate next season) and the New Yorkers slid through to the next round

Florida vs. Rhode Island

Coin flip

Pennsylvania vs. Maine

Olympia Snowe and Susan Collins are regarded as something of a Dream Team. Arlen Specter’s change from Republican throwing style to the more Democrat throwing motion dragged him down in this his final tournament appearance.

Ohio vs. New Hampshire

Coin flip

Gerogia vs. West Virginia

Saxby Chambliss shows a lot of talent for someone so new to this league, as evidenced in Georgia’s stunning win.

North Carolina vs. Arkansas

Blanche Lincoln was a top recruit 11 years ago and her talent showed against the inexperienced Carolinians.

New Jersey vs. Mississippi

With some support from rookie Roger Wicker, Thad Cochran had a career game against the boys from New Jersey

Virginia vs. Connecticut

The veteran team of Joe Liebermann and Chris Dodd grossly underestimated the talent of young stars Mark Warner and Jim Webb and the Virginians stormed to victory in a dramatic upset.

Massachusetts vs. Kentucky

Bickering amongst teammates kept Massachusetts from putting on a good show, and a solid performance by Jim Bunning brought Kentucky a win

Indiana vs. Louisiana.

Evan Bayh was raised in this game, at this level, and his raw talent combined with Dick Lugar’s experience steamrolled Louisiana in a blowout.

Tennessee vs. South Carolina

Lindsay Graham and Jim Demint were both big players in the Minor Leagues, and despite their inexperience at this level, their victory was no surprise

Marlyand vs. Alabama

Stars Barbara Mikulski from Maryland and Richard Shelby from Alabama were evenly matched, but Alabama’s Jeff Sessions made the difference in this close win.

This entry was posted on Monday, December 13th, 2010 at 04:31 by Rockne Andrew Roll and is filed under Booze, Humor, New Issue, Politics, Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.