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The inimitable Zach Vishanoff.

In today’s Ol’ Dirty:

Cheap Kelly stopped at a favorite local pizza shop on Christmas Eve. He was served two of the freshest possible slices. It is a small town, Chip. In your moment of luck and fame and good fortune (and obscene contract money), it seems like you might have enough class to leave a tip.

Until then, your name is Cheap Kelly. Go Ducks.

Editor’s note: It may have been Chip’s doppelganger.

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