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Archive for February, 2011

OSPIRG Again Denied Contract by ACFC

February 16th, 2011 by Rockne Andrew Roll
OSPIRG state board treasure Katie Taylor with state board chairman Charles Denson.

OSPIRG state board treasurer Katie Taylor, with state board chair Charles Denson, makes OSPIRG's case to ACFC Tuesday night. Photo by Rockne Andrew Roll.

EUGENE – After more than two hours of consideration and spirited, often pointed debate, the Athletics and Contracts Finance Committee’s result was effectually the same as before the meeting even began as the committee voted to not fund a contract with OSPIRG for the 2011-2012 academic year Tuesday night.

While it was widely speculated that ACFC would not change its mind about fully funding OSPIRG at the level requested by the group and recommended by the Executive, there was still hope of a compromise, embodied in Clark Kissiah’s proposal of a $45,000 contract. “I think this is an agreeable, middle-of-the-road solution,” Kissiah said.

Others also vocalized support for the compromise measure. Sen. Kristina Harding said “I agree with the lower number instead of full funding.” (more…)

Dyke to retire

February 15th, 2011 by Alex Tomchak Scott

Frances Dyke

One of the University of Oregon’s most powerful administrators will step down in Jan. 2012, she announced today.

Vice President for Finance and Administration Frances Dyke controls the university’s budget, giving her wide authority over the school’s affairs. Her performance has been widely criticized, to the extent that UO Matters says she has to have been effectively fired (and UO Matters it was who broke this story first).

Critics have blamed her, in part for, among other things, the secrecy of the university’s financial affairs, giving large contracts and golden parachutes to high-ranking administrators, creating financial relationships that put the university at the mercy of large donors, dwindling faculty pay, and the Mike Belotti handshake agreement.

Sex Week: Who are you nailing? — Graphs by Drew By Lauren

February 15th, 2011 by Sudsy

Editor’s note: This graph is part of our Sex Week series.

Sex Week: Advice from An Tae Sik

February 14th, 2011 by An Tae Sik

Editor’s note: This is part of  the Commentator’s Sex Week, to commemorate the release of the Sex Issue. Originally, this was supposed to be written by our regular advice columnist Kellie Bramstone, but we have begun to suspect that Kellie is dead. In her place, our news editor An Tae Sik agreed to step into the breach.

For those who don’t know, Tae Sik is a transfer student from Kim Il Sung University in Pyongyang, North Korea. Though he was exiled from his native country, he still maintains a distinct affinity for its political culture and sees much of the world through a unique, North Korea-tinted perspective. This is the first letter he will be answering this week.

Mugshot for An Tae Sik

An Tae Sik

Dear Commentator,

Last February, us bros at the Chi Omega Chi Sigma fraternity had a raging party. Unfortunately by the end of the night, most of the girls had left with guys who WEREN’T FROM OUR HOUSE. How do we get the optimum female quota and keep them from going home with other dudes? That’s not cool. And if you came to our party and you’re from SAE, you’re officially on our blacklist.

— Chi Omega Chi

Dear COC,

The Dear Leader leaves nothing to chance. If he wants someone, be it a movie director, sexual partner, or sushi chef, he takes measures to ensure that person’s presence. You need to take the same measures.
And the good news for you is you don’t even need to spend money on hiring your own shadowy network of kidnappers to do it! You’ve got one ready-made. Just learn to think of yourself and your brothers as a little death squad of your very own!

Think about it: you’ve already got a uniform in the form of your fraternity’s spirit wear and you already have a dungeon in the form of your house’s basement. Just get the biggest SUV you’ve got and cruise the streets a couple of hours before your party stalking actresses from Japan and south Korea. Chloroform and/or a blackjack can come in handy, but that’s probably in your house’s manual already.

Want Tae Sik to answer your questions about sex? E-mail us at editor@oregoncommentator.com or send it to our office. We reserve the right to edit material we find obscene, libelous, inappropriate or lengthy. We are not obliged to print anything that does not suit us. Unsolicited material will not be returned unless accompanied by a stamped, self-addressed envelope. Submission constitutes testimony as to the accuracy. E-mails sent to individual authors that are directly related to the Oregon Commentator may be reused by the Commentator as it sees fit.

Valentine’s Day: Can’t you find a better excuse to get laid?

February 14th, 2011 by Kayla Heffner

Editor’s note: This article was originally written for our Sex Issue. However, with St. Valentine’s Day looming, we elected to lovingly delay its eventual release until context could assist us in working you into a state of excitement. Was that an effective sexual metaphor? Please let us know.

Inveterate Douche and womanizer ... probably

Well, it’s Feb. 14, and significant others everywhere have just finished stressing about what to get their loved ones in this time of economic recession. In a rush, it’s off to the store to find something “special” for him or her. Credit cards everywhere are maxing out. The store shelves are overstocked with pink, red and purple. Walking up and down the aisles, it is so hard to decide which bear hugging a heart to purchase (Ed. note: I like the marriage-related symbolism here). Time to consider other options. Roses? Too expensive. Candlelit dinner? Way too expensive (Ed. note: it’s not that expensive to get together a couple of candles and some Easy Mac. You don’t even need another person.). Shitty-ass card? Just right. (more…)

Sex Issue Online!

February 10th, 2011 by Lyzi Diamond

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and with it comes the Oregon Commentator‘s Sex Issue, available on stands and online today!

In it you will find:

  • A treatise on skinny jeans and why men should never, ever wear them;
  • Breakup advice from the OC‘s very own independent agent, Kellie Bramstone;
  • Tips and tricks for effective sexting;
  • Guides to girls and guys, for the socially inept in all of us;
  • Anonymously submitted sex stories;
  • The only personals page you’ll ever need;
  • and so much more!

You can download it here or by clicking the box to your right. If you’re on campus, be sure to pick up a copy at one of our fine distribution locations!

Circles Interrupted: ASUO Senate, 09 February 2011

February 10th, 2011 by Rockne Andrew Roll

Sen. Evan Thomas discusses a funding request from the Survival Center during Wednesday night's ASUO Senate Meeting. The Survival Center received $8,500 to bring Naomi Klein to campus for Earth Day.

News:

EUGENE – The ASUO Student Senate adjourned abruptly Wednesday night after dispensing with four sizable special requests. The adjournment left more than half the agenda untouched, including the appointment of a new representative to the University Senate and the reapportionment of academic senate seats.

After quickly dispensing with a $44 request from the European Student Association, the senate moved on to a $2,900 request from the Women’s Center, the first of three from the group scheduled for the evening, to help fund the Fashion Resistance to Militarism Fashion Show. Some senators were concerned with the size of this expenditure, and a reduced amount of $1,418 was approved unanimously.

The Women’s Center then presented its second request, for $1,000 to send two staff members to the Young Feminist Leadership Conference. Sens. Max Barkley, was uneasy that the funds requested would be used to primarily benefit the two individuals attending the conference, a concern shared by Sen. Evan Thomas, amongst others. Barkley was also concerned about the size of the request, and suggested ways to reduce the amount, saying, “When it comes to the flight, I don’t think its fair for us to pay for more than half of that.”

Sen. Marissa Garcia, however, felt the group was being given undue scrutiny, saying, “Why is this different than any other conference?” After further discussion, the body rejected an appropriation of $700 and Thomas moved to end discussion. There was not the requisite two-thirds support for abandoning the matter, and a final amount of $654 was suggested and approved. The Women’s Center’s third request, another $1,000 for conference attendance, was held over until next week.

After a short recess, the National Broadcasting Society appeared to request $5,000 to send a number of its members to a professional conference. Thomas was pleased that attendance was open to the entire student body, but questions about the group’s financial status pervaded the conversation. Research by a couple of Senators revealed that the group’s accounts with the ASUO had been frozen when a representative of the group failed to regularly attend Programs Council Meetings, a requirement of all programs. Nevertheless, after imploring the group not to spend the money on food, the request was approved.

The Survival Center, joined by ASUO Sustainability Coordinator Louisa De Heer, then presenter an $8,500 request, which was amended to $12,000, to bring author Naomi Klein to campus for Earth Day. Sen. Ian Fielding was uneasy that the event had only been envisioned a couple weeks ago and concerned about appropriating such a large amount out of a shrinking Surplus account. “I worry that we’re going to run out of money,” Fielding said.

The presenters impressed the urgency of the request on the Senators, saying they needed the money to be able to sign a contract to book Klein before another campus or organization did. Nevertheless, a number of Senators discussed tabling the matter for next week, which was eventually moved and rejected, leading to the approval of an $8,050 expenditure.

After a short recess to pause before the consideration of the second half of the agenda, Sen. Brian Powell suddenly moved to adjourn. When Sen. Zachary Stark-MacMillan ruled that there be discussion of the motion, his ruling was challenged and overruled. As quickly as it had begun, the clamor was over and the meeting had been stopped in its tracks. No committee or officer updates were provided, and the Senate has not yet announced when or if it will be considering the items abandoned by the adjournment, including the selection of a new representative to the University Senate.

Stats and Opinion after the jump.

(more…)

OSPIRG

February 9th, 2011 by Melissa Haskin

Fuck the PIRG. Discuss.

ASUO Senate, 09 February 2011

February 9th, 2011 by Rockne Andrew Roll

Reapportionment of Academic Seats and more on tap tonight, plus FIVE Special Requests

Click Here to check out the agenda.

Click Here to play along at home.

PFC Denies Student Insurgent’s Budget Appeal

February 9th, 2011 by Rockne Andrew Roll

PFC Chair Noah Wolf-Prusan discusses the Student Insurgent's budget appeal during the committee's meeting Monday. The Insurgent's request for additional funds to cover printing expenses was denied. Photo by Rockne Andrew Roll

EUGENE – After an hour-long appeal hearing before the Programs Finance Committee, the Student Insurgent’s appeal request for an additional $2,854 for printing expenses was denied Tuesday night. The Insurgent’s budget for 2011-2012 remains at $17,645 as approved at their initial hearing in January. This budget constitutes a 20.1 percent decrease from current funding levels.

After the group’s presentation, Insurgent Co-Editor Keith Chaloux said “I understand that you guys are sticking up [for], representing the students.” However, Chaloux and the Insurgent’s other presenters explained that the cuts that had been made in the magazine’s publication budget would reduce the number of issues they could distribute to students. Chaloux went on to explain that the Insurgent’s viewpoint was important to students. “They may not know that they need it, but they do.”

PFC Chair Noah Wolf-Prusan reiterated the committee’s concerns over the group’s low fundraising. “Basically, we’re saying you need to fundraise,” Wolf-Prusan said.

A motion to amend the Insurgent’s publication budget to $13,243 was proposed by committee member Katherine DuPont. This amount was lower than the Insurgent’s request of a total of $15,372 for printing expenses but was rejected by the committee. The committee then approved a printing budget of $12,518, which was the same level previously approved by PFC at the Insurgent’s first hearing. The PFC’s final budget will be voted on by the full Senate at their March 2 meeting.

Don’t Hate Me Cuz I’m Beautiful

February 9th, 2011 by Kellie B.

Two female students from Concordia University are being slut-shamed for appearing too attractive in their student government campaign posters. In an opinion piece for The Concordian, fellow co-ed Kelsey Pudlowski slammed two female candidates, asking, “are these individuals running for student government positions or the chance to don a sparkly crown and sash?”

Image from one of the student's champaign flyers. Just look at this harlot.

Besides insinuating that the two college students are vapid beauty queens, Pudlowski has accused the pair of smiling, wearing v-necks, using the color blue, and having bad campaign platforms. While the last grievance may be of actual relevance, the only real lesson Pudlowski has taught us is that women politicians (politciennes?) have and always will be judged on their appearances, kind of like all politicians. McCain was looking like a dried out husk next to the virile Obama, why else do you think they sexed him up with hot mama Palin?

If these candidates are savvy enough to put that judgment to good use with fresh-scrubbed smiles and shiny hair, who are we to complain? Our own ASUO elections could use some spice, and although former Oregon Commentator presidential candidate Pete Lesiak fought valiantly for a “full-service” ASUO, we still have to look at Amelie Roussaeu’s La Roux haircut day in and day out.

La Roux or Amelie? You decide.

“Bovine ambrosia!”; Media digest, Feb. 9, 2011

February 9th, 2011 by Alex Tomchak Scott

This media digest is dedicated to my sister, whose 20th birthday is today, and to Kathleen O’Fallon, my English professor, to whom I must turn in a paper about the 18th Century novel Charlotte Temple in one hour. It is also dedicated to people who are very excited by milk. My sister doesn’t like milk. I don’t know about Prof. O’Fallon. These four young Latvian men definitely are.

I bring up the subject of milk-related excitement because of the following letter in the Register-Guard from Marcola resident Irene Young, which definitely rivals the young Latvians for strangeness and enthusiasm.

I’m not an expert on milk, but I will support any process that will lead to restoring flavor to that liquid sold under the generic name of “milk.” It’s criminal to me that dairies process and market that tasteless white substance and call it milk. The only local producer that offers anything with a suggestion of milk flavor is Lochmead, but it certainly could improve.

I recently tasted milk from a dairy in New Bern, N.C. I bought it from a large retailer, right off the shelf. It had flavor! Bovine ambrosia! Nectar of the gods! Incredible, sweet, rich milk flavor. Why if I could find anything similar here, I’d buy it.

I suggest that you go to the fridge, pour yourself a glass and see if your milk has flavor. Chances are, it does not. Why not save the calories and take a calcium and vitamin D supplement?

If the recent raw milk debate brings back milk with flavor, I’m all for it.

For other recorded uses of the phrase “bovine ambrosia,” see here.

(more…)

New Issue Preview: How to Avoid an Underage Girl in a Bar

February 9th, 2011 by Stephen Murphy

Editor’s note: Because of mistakes with communication during the process of production, this article was one of a couple that did not find their way into our upcoming Sex Issue. Here it is, one of the many things we at the Commentator will be bringing you during Sex Week. It’s exactly like Shark Week except we had to change the name for legal reasons.

We’ve all been there before: you wake up and look over at that hot slampiece you picked up in the bar last night, only to see braces you didn’t notice before. Then she hurriedly packs her Hello Kitty backpack,  saying if she doesn’t get to first period on time she’ll totally get detention. And of course, you could get a lot more than that. It happens, but you can avoid it if you look for some telltale signs of that hottie actually being a prepubescent prison sentence:

  • She throws complicated words (incorrectly) into her sentences and talks about how smart she is. As in, “I am so smart everyone in my family says I’m encyclopedic.”
  • She calls her “professors” “Mr.” and “Ms.”
  • She’s drinking appletinis because “JD from Scrubs is SOOOOO funny!!!”
  • She tells you a story about how she got “totally” tipsy off of two “cans of vodka” at her friend’s party.
  • Two minutes into conversation she’s showing you her Silly Bandz.
  • She “casually” mentions she’s bisexual in conversation, then tells you if you don’t like it you can just deal with it.
  • Every time you say something amusing, it reminds her of a Family Guy quote.
  • You two are sitting and talking when you hear some music come from her pocket; she squeals a little bit and goes “I love my new Jonas Brothers ringtone! One second that’s my friend!”
  • Any squealing.
  • You ask what she’s studying, and her response is “I really like my second-period P.E. class! All my friends are in it!”
  • Every five minutes she pulls out her iPhone to check updates on her Justin Bieber fan club Facebook group.
  • She says she can really identify with the messages in Linkin Park’s new album.
  • You compliment the belt she’s wearing, and she thanks you and mentions she got it at Hot Topic.
  • You ask if she wants to go to a less crowded bar, and she says she can’t because she has to be home by 10 p.m.
  • You mention you’re here because all your friends went out without you, and she says she had to get out of the house ‘cause her parents were being totally unfair.
  • She keeps turning the conversation to how her friend Brianna got a new pair of jeggings and now she needs to get some too or she won’t be cool anymore.
  • She brags about how many MySpace friends she has.
  • She drops something, bends over to pick it up, you see the top of her panties…and make out the face of Dora the Explorer.
  • She actually says things like “OMG” and “brb.”
  • When she goes to pay for her drinks, she pulls money out of a Hannah Montana wallet.
  • You spend ten minutes hearing about how her parents are buying her a car for her birthday (she claims her 22nd) and she can’t wait to get to drive herself around without having to ask her mom’s permission to use the family car, which is TOTALLY LAME by the way.
  • She legitimately enjoys High School Musical.

It has come to my attention that we are not in Middle Paleolithic Southeastern Africa anymore. More details to follow. Media digest Feb. 8, 2011

February 8th, 2011 by Alex Tomchak Scott

A picture of me, Alex Tomchak Scott

I don’t know how, but I am in possession of some sort of elaborate magic gourd that is almost entirely flat. There’s a kind of magic pool that hangs completely vertical without spilling on this gourd, and it shows me pictures of incredible things and allows me to make little symbol-ants walk across it; and yet I can never reach them to partake in their delicious protein. Another strange thing: The massive hut I am in is extremely balmy, even though there is no noticeable fire and the world outside the hut is several times as cold as it ever gets back at home in Paleolithic Southeastern Africa.

There are any number of equally strange miracles I have witnessed in my current environment, but I cannot afford to dwell on them at the moment. That is because the magic gourd I have described previously has told me several incredible stories that I must relate to you immediately. You can read about them by dragging your leaf-shape grub over to the fat, blue symbol-ants below and forcing them to mate.

(more…)

Announcing the Oregon Commentator’s Bro Spew Contest

February 7th, 2011 by OC Editorial Board

This photograph is something everyone needs to think about. There are some very poignant elements to it. If you can find all four poignant elements, e-mail winthings@oregoncommentator.com to tell us what they are and you could win a copy of the next Oregon Commentator signed by everyone who comes to our next meeting. If not, we’re just going to give the issue to the guy who works at 7-Eleven early Monday mornings.