A recent flight from Portland, Ore. to JFK saw more bodily fluids than John Henry’s on 80′s Night.
Robert “Sandy” Vietze, an 18-year-old student from Vermont, was on his way to the bathroom when he apparently mistook an 11-year-old girl for a toilet and began urinating on her leg. He claimed to have six beers and two rum and cokes before boarding the flight, shocking many that he had not, in fact, been drinking vintage 4Loko. Vietze’s lawyer is now claiming that the teenager pissed not on the girl, but next to her, and the alleged R. Kelly wannabe is refusing to apologize to his victim. Justice may be served, however, as Vietze has been dropped from the US Olympic Ski Team’s developmental roster. Only those who can hold get the gold, Sandy.
But the 5 1/2 hour flight of fun wasn’t over yet. About an hour before the plane landed another passenger began complaining of chest pains and then vomited, most likely all over. Flight attendants tried to clean the passenger up as best as they could with liquid soap, and no other bodily excretions were made public before the plane touched down in New York.