The OC Blog Back Issues Our Mission Contact Us Masthead
Sudsy Wants You to Join the Oregon Commentator
 

Archive for the 'Uncategorized' Category

Blue Steel (In The Hour Of Chaos)

October 10th, 2005 by olly

Latest in an ongoing series of serious campaigns addressing serious issues that remain, alas, unintentionally hilarious, here (Hat tip: the H&R bloc). I made it as far as

[The film] opens with the Smurfs dancing, hand-in-hand, around a campfire and singing the Smurf song. Bluebirds flutter past and rabbits gambol around their familiar village of mushroom- shaped houses until, without warning, bombs begin to rain from the sky.

before coffee came out of my nose. See if you can do any better.

UPDATE: Goddammit! Why didn’t I think of this
one?

UPDATE ZWEI: Click here to watch the mayhem
— Tyler

If Hallmark Sold Op-Eds

October 6th, 2005 by olly

Chin-stroking ponce Richard Pryor has constructed something theoretically difficult but perhaps not admirable: a several-hundred-word column that is utterly devoid of semantic content. Seriously, apart from the reference to Oasis, I defy you to find anything at all to agree or disagree with in his latest. It sports a thick patina of meaninglessness that your eyes just skate across helplessly. It’s virtually Spew-proof, although I’ll try to find a way around that in due course.

On the other hand, it’s possible that this is a clever spoof on banal opinion columns, in which case my hat is off to him.

Foreign Correspondence

October 1st, 2005 by olly

Greetings to all from the fair city of Sydney. I’m still homeless and basically indigent, but despite my material suffering I can’t help but wonder: how was the People’s Practical Petition for Peace, or whatever it was called, received? Has the war machine finally been driven from the palace of higher learning? Have Bogart and Goldman worked out some sort of timeshare agreement for the EMU amphitheater, or are they doing a Simon and Garfunkel-style act? Enquiring minds want to know.

Chang 2008: The Bandwagon Starts Here

September 19th, 2005 by olly

I spend all this time rummaging around for Spew quotes, and literally two hours after I mail ’em in I check Hit & Run and see…

I rely on Chang with great regularity in my public life. He has been by my side and sometimes I let him down. But Chang, this mystical warrior, has never let me down.

Brian Bogart? John Zerzan? Free? Here’s another snippet:

Chang is a mystical warrior. Chang is somebody who believes in conservative principles, believes in entrepreneurial capitalism, believes in moral values that underpin a free society.

Clearly none of the above. That’s right, it’s Jeb Bush!

Read the whole thing. I don’t care if this is a spoof. Even if it is comprehensively debunked, I will choose, forever, to believe that this is true, because it makes me happy. The probable source of the term, revealed in the H&R comment thread, might even make the story funnier.

UPDATE: Here is what we presume to be the sword of Chang.

Useless Pedantry Department Looks Forward To Another Busy Season

September 16th, 2005 by olly

Our omission of the “c” in John Hinckley’s name on a cover last year is going to haunt me to my grave. However, that only increases the schadenfreude I derive today from the ODE’s description of the Fresno State Bulldogs – in big letters, above the fold – as “perrenial underdogs”.

If only because there was nothing else to blog about

September 13th, 2005 by Skeletor Ogboggle

The print edition of the Tater Awards issue arrived at the office about two hours ago and we now have half the issues distributed across campus. Overall I think it looks good.

Also: this is my first post on the OC blog.

We Got A Nice Quiet Beach Community Here, And I Aim To Keep It Nice And Quiet…

September 8th, 2005 by olly

Words fail:

We questioned why we couldn’t cross the bridge anyway, especially as there was little traffic on the 6-lane highway. [The sheriffs] responded that the West Bank was not going to become New Orleans and there would be no Superdomes in their City… All day long, we saw other families, individuals and groups make the same trip up the incline in an attempt to cross the bridge, only to be turned away. Some chased away with gunfire, others simply told no, others to be verbally berated and humiliated. Thousands of New Orleaners were prevented and prohibited from self-evacuating the City on foot. Meanwhile, the only two City shelters sank further into squalor and disrepair. The only way across the bridge was by vehicle.

Whole thing here, via Samizdata.

I didn’t even excerpt the worst bits. If this story checks out, heads should roll.

After The Rehn(quist)

September 6th, 2005 by olly

John Roberts now tapped for Chief Justice. There are some potentially interesting repercussions here.

Firstly, it’s an excellent move from a political standpoint, as most on the left have conceded Roberts’ nomination as associate justice. It’ll be hard to manufacture opposition to his nomination as CJ from thin air. Also, in the absence of an extensive judicial record, one of Roberts’ main features was that he was respected and liked by the other justices, having argued fifty-odd 39 cases before them. This actually seems like a better qualification for CJ than associate.

On the other hand, this makes Roberts, technically, Rehnquist’s successor. Now all the nonsense about unbalancing the Court will come back into play with the next nominee. In the wake of the horrific federal mismanagement of Katrina, and the predictable upswing in Kanye West-style identity politics, there will be even more pressure to fill the remaining vacancy with a female or non-white justice.

Suits me fine: Janice Rogers Brown is, of course, a female non-white justice. Alas, there’s basically no chance of that happening. On the other hand, did I mention that Edith Clement is from Louisiana? (Well, OK, Alabama. But she worked there a lot, according to Wikipedia.) Not sure how I feel about Clement, but I’m pretty sure I prefer her to Gonzales. Dan, please enlighten us when you have a minute.

Meanwhile, here‘s a moderately depressing Plastic thread.

Bureaucracy Kills

September 1st, 2005 by Ian

New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin has announced that city officials are running out of supplies for “rescued” people stuck in the convention center. In the midst of 90+ degree heat and 90+% humidity, the mayor has announced that these people will begin marching a number of miles to where relief will supposedly be.

This directly contradicts what Homeland Security Director Michael Chertoff said just moments before, when he announced that FEMA had all the resources they needed and were working furiously to rescue and relieve people.

If so, why haven’t there at least been air drops of water and food to the ceonvention center? Why are there still people stuck in rescue centers in New Orleans? Why is it, when I see images of the convention center, there are never any authorities in sight? The federal response has been pathetic.

From an AP article:

Outside the Convention Center, the sidewalks were packed with people without food, water or medical care, and with no sign of law enforcement. Thousands of storm refugees had been assembling outside for days, waiting for buses that did not come.

At least seven bodies were scattered outside, and hungry people broke through the steel doors to a food service entrance and began pushing out pallets of water and juice and whatever else they could find.

An old man in a chaise lounge lay dead in a grassy median as hungry babies wailed around him. Around the corner, an elderly woman lay dead in her wheelchair, covered with a blanket, and another body lay beside her wrapped in a sheet.

“I don’t treat my dog like that,” 47-year-old Daniel Edwards said as he pointed at the woman in the wheelchair. “I buried my dog.” He added: “You can do everything for other countries but you can’t do nothing for your own people. You can go overseas with the military but you can’t get them down here.”

[…]

Terry Ebbert, head of the city’s emergency operations, warned that the slow evacuation at the Superdome had become an “incredibly explosive situation,” and he bitterly complained that FEMA was not offering enough help.

“This is a national emergency. This is a national disgrace,” he said. “FEMA has been here three days, yet there is no command and control. We can send massive amounts of aid to tsunami victims, but we can’t bail out the city of New Orleans.”

Beyond the incompetence and lack of leadership in FEMA’s efforts, the citizens of New Orleans are under attack from armed thugs roaming the city. Arsonists started a number of fires near the Superdome, and people were shooting at a National Guard helicopter. Meanwhile, the scum who’ve been looting include police officers and other authorities. Disgusting. But it’s been the violence that’s hurt relief efforts the most, as Reuters reports:

Two hospitals were under siege by robbers who used axes, guns and metal pipes to steal pain killers and medicine, according to a pilot flying relief operations into New Orleans.

Power and water were off and supplies were exhausted. Critically ill patients were dying one by one without oxygen, insulin and intravenous fluids, the pilot said.

I’m lucky. My immediate family is now safe and sound in Houston. It’s too early for them to even begin thinking about where they will live now that their homes are either destroyed or under 8+ inches of water. But they are safe and sound, which is more than what can be said for so many of the people in the greater New Orleans area. They need help, and they need it now. They need more boats, more food, more water, and more semi-permanent shelter space immediately.

Also, thanks to Tim and Dan for keeping up with the Katrina blogging while I’ve been traveling.

To get some idea of the sheer anarchy that is prevalent in New Orleans right now, read this Editor and Publisher piece.

That Sound You Hear In The Distance Is Tim’s Head Exploding

August 30th, 2005 by olly

Consecutive Hit & Run posts first observe the phenomenon, then warn of its potential arrival in Oregon: a cap on gas prices.

Actually, the Consumer Affairs piece isn’t terribly damning; all it says is

Politicians in Michigan, Oregon, California, New York and Connecticut have publicly debated and talked about price regulation.

But the cap in Hawaii seems to be very real.

Well now. What could possibly go wrong?

Rustic Welcome Wagon (Slightly Belated)

August 30th, 2005 by olly

I clearly haven’t been paying enough attention. The ODE blog revolution has been underway for the past week.

Unfortunately, they preempt any snotty comments I might have made by opening proceedings with a gracious shout-out. Steve Neuman, this year’s online editor, even works in a nice rip on former ODE honcho Mike Kleckner. This is alarming: if the ODE is going to make a habit of criticizing itself, a rich source of material will be compromised.

“Got what it takes to make a mountain man leave his home”

August 28th, 2005 by Ian

It now appears that the levees protecting The City that Care Forgot are in extreme danger of breaking upon the arrival of Category 5 Hurricane Katrina. People in New Orleans have always joked about how the city’s end would come about not from war, but instead from the inability of humankind to defend against God’s wraith. Indeed, since 1971 the perfect ending track for any New Orleans-themed mix tape has been Zeppelin’s ‘When the Levee Breaks.’ But what was once in the distant, unforseen future now appears to be quite real and immediate. This storm appears to be The Real Thing. Winds are sustaining around 165 (down from 175,) but more importantly gusts are well over 200 and the barometric pressure within the eye of the storm (902mb) is nearly equal to that of Camille, which caused massive damage yet didn’t even hit the city directly. It appears extremely likely that there will be quite a bit of flooding, even if the most conservative damage estimates are true.

Anyways, I apologize for the LiveJournalesque posting, but most of my extended family lives in the New Orleans area. I’ve been unable to contact them today thanks to filled cell-phone circuits and the fact that thankfully they all appear to be away from their land lines. I know that part of my family is staying in the downtown Hilton, others in Texas, but most I’m unsure about. Hopefully my calls will go through sometime tonight.

Enough rambling. Here are some random links for those of you interested in following this terrible storm:
WWL TV Feed (local CBS station, good news coverage)
Weather.com Vulnerable Cities: New Orleans
Weather.com Animated Radar Map
Weather.com Katrina Projected Path
Weather.com Local NOLA Weather
FLHurricane.com
The Times-Picayune (website working sporadically at best)

UPDATE: New Orleans Mayor Nagin is on WWL and is saying that if there’s a direct hit it will likely take two weeks to drain the city of all of the flood water. God only knows what sort of problems that could cause. Additionally, 25-30% of all domestic oil production flows through New Orleans, so oil prices throughout the country will likely skyrocket if things get bad. This is a national emergency. Also, this SOB storm is filling up over half of the gulf:
top.kat.animate.0945.gif

Update by Michael G.: Quick links to useful information:

HuffingP: JUST IN

August 25th, 2005 by Ian

STOP THE PRESSES

just_in_huffpo.gif

Incoming Freshmen Grew Up With Starbucks

For this year’s crop of college freshmen, Starbucks has always been around the corner, “America’s Funniest Home Videos” has always been on the air, and men named George Bush have been president for more than half of their lives.

Born in 1987, the freshmen attending their first college lectures around the country this term grew up with pay-per-view television and voice mail on their phones, dirty dancing at school proms, and the United States as the only superpower.

-HUFFINGP, AOL NEWS, AND AP REPORTING

Developing…

Update From The Ironic Nickname Department

August 23rd, 2005 by olly

SUV bomber Jeff “Free” Luers has adopted a new defense strategy: it involves the cultivation of an eerie resemblance to Tobey Maguire. Caption suggestions welcome at the usual address.

His is an interesting case. On the one hand, 22 years is a hell of a long time. On the other, given the attitude displayed by Luers and his supporters (randomly chosen statement: “The fire Free was convicted of setting was an act of compassion…”) it’s hard to see how a judge could reasonably do anything other than recommend the maximum possible sentence – even without the mandatory minimum sentences imposed under state law. The question is whether it would be have been an ideological betrayal for him to, perhaps, acknowledge that he did something bad and take a plea bargain – thereby getting out of prison a couple of decades sooner, as did his co-bomber “Critter” – or whether the insistence on his own righteousness is that integral a part of the theater.

In the meantime, though, be sure to check out his poetry.

Robertson Now Averaging One Of These Statements Every Six Months

August 23rd, 2005 by olly

Silly season continues at high velocity, as sclerotic Yoda impersonator Pat Robertson weighs in on Venezuelan politics. You have to hand it to him: one valid way of curing Chavez’ apparent paranoia is to actually try to assassinate him.

Some saner commentary on Venezuela and Chavez – who is, let us not be mistaken, an even worse person than Pat Robertson – here, and here. In a just world, Hutton would be banking some of (say) Ted Rall’s syndication dollars.

Longer, less funny, but nevertheless gripping stuff for (say) law students who might need something to peruse during their afternoon lectures here. (PDF link.)