My favorite part of today’s Emerald coverage:

It’s still unclear what exactly will happen at this special assembly session. The assembly, which is composed of more than 2,000 members, was disbanded in the mid 1990s in favor of a smaller legislative body, the University Faculty Senate. But after a failed attempt to condemn U.S. war efforts in Iraq at a December senate meeting, the group voted in January to call a non-binding meeting of the assembly.

So back in those halcyon days of the mid-90s, did any legislative initiative really need a thousand people voting on it just to establish a quorum? I’m deliberately trying to put the worst possible spin on things, but it’s fun to imagine.

I have an idea for a story: “Junction City Community College Enthusiastically Endorses War With Iraq.” Anyone want to do the legwork?

There Goes the High Ground

What a bummer to see this article linked off of Drudge. Leave it to the Birchers and Waco disciples to fall prey to the same brand of anti-Semitism that the left has been embracing. At least they’re not marching. But they are, I trust, shooting stuff.

Worth 1000 words

This Picture and Story (link courtesy the ever-brilliant Andrew Sullivan) should remind us all that not everyone hates America, and we’re far from the worst country on Earth. Take that, haters of the World Bank and IMF. Take that NATO detractors, WTO protesters, and everyone accusing America of “imperialism” or “unilateralism.” Oh, and did I mention that France has invited Robert Mugabe to come for a nice, friendly visit? Why does that concern me? Because Mugabe is BANNED FROM FRANCE’S BELOVED EU!

UPDATE: New Europe to Stand With the United States.

Here’s an article from today’s Daily Emerald on OSPIRG’s funding loss. Huzzah!

I especially like the lame metaphor by the OSPIRG intern about how the group is the “Costco of students.”

Nothing like the original

Everyone’s having fun with the ODE staffers’ loopy online keyboard-noodling, and I’ll admit, today’s Emerald-types are so dense that light bends around them, but this OC Spew section from ’97-’98 goes to show that those Ol’ Dirty bastards never learn from their mistakes.

VICTORY, at least a small one.

OSPIRG, everyone’s favorite waste of student fees lost 31.8% of it’s funding from the UO. Next year’s budget is just over $82,000 down from about $120,000 this year. You heard it here first folks. Must’ve been my stunning Guest Commentary in the Emerald today.

Has anyone heard about the Spiller crisis? Apparently the lounge ceiling is caving in under the weight of the asbestos, which may or may not be floating about. The Spiller girls seem very excited about the prospect of a lawsuit.

OK, just this last one, then I promise I will leave poor old Aaron Shakra alone:

But I need to remember that I make the choice, and I can slow down, and remember that each moment doesn’t replace the next, they all just grow into each other.

No, each moment certainly doesn’t replace the next. Wouldn’t that mean time was… moving backwards?

Oh, this is too easy. I’m sorry. I’ll stop.

Baraka in the No Spin Zone

This is classic! Forget Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker. Forget Nick Nolte and Eddie Murphy. This has the potential to be the greatest “buddy movie” ever made. O’Reilly never seems to get his footing. How can he. Baraka has an endless supply of conspiracy theories to pull out of his hat. At one point in the interview, O’Reilly says that having Amiri teach school children is akin to having Mussolini teach, to which Amiri replies “having you on television is akin to having Goebbels on television.” Of course, they both put their differences aside to break up the cocaine ring and rescue the Mayor’s daughter during a dramatic showdown with armed Colombian ninjas on a cruise ship headed over the Niagra Falls.

[Bonus: Baraka still believes that Bush and many Jews knew about the 9/11 attacks before hand. And they love this guy over at the English department! Love him! Or at least Colleen O’Brian does. ]

Case Closed

Against Iraq that is, check out The Blogfather’s coverage.

In other news, there were 500 dogs seized today in Oregon, they’re now being treated in Idaho.

60 cats found in Florida

And you can now get a Massage at some gas stations, but you’ve got to go to Thailand first.

Advertising MVP award:

Terry Tate, Office Linebacker, and not because watching unsuspecting people undergo brutal open-field tackles while at work is funny. Well, partly for that reason. But did anyone notice that after flattening one of the hapless salarymen he stood over him and shouted: “You know you need to put a cover sheet on your TPS reports!”

Good job, ad agency guy. This is the way you get across to my demographic: oblique references to Office Space. Now, if they would only go ahead and run a whole series of those, that would be great.

Did you know…

that the Daily Emerald has their own weblog? No, you probably didn’t, but now you do. It’s really not a blog per se, but a collection of online diary entries. There is so much potential spew. Here’s a gem from entertainment reporter Aaron Shakra’s deep thoughts:

“Here a history of a human is written one word at a time. These are my paintings on the caves in the walls. We each have our own. Each is so fleeting. So unique.”

Who thinks Aaron’s trying to impress the ladies with this one? I do!

Here’s a revealing confession from columnist Meghann Farnsworth’s latest entry:

“My biggest frustration as a journalist is that I am not one.”

Hmm, well, I thought that was pretty obvious from your unintelligible columns, Meghan.

Anyway, I encourage all of you to check these out. It’s great entertainment.

Donkey bomb explodes near Israel bus.

Will the Israelis retaliate with bacon bombs? I hope so.

Tim, you neglect to note that one of the EPD spokeswomen contacted by the Emerald is none other than … former OC Associate Editor Kerry Delf!

Well, I better close the laptop and pay attention to the game, before I spill beer all over the keyboard. Go teams!

P.S. Did you see the Hulk whip that tank around? Wow!

P.P.S. Or Agent Smith hopping cars on the freeway? Or Michael Jordan shooting hoops with his younger self? Wow! Wow!

Umm…Nothing To See Here

Check out the weekend habits of our ASUO veep. Poor Benny, sucks to get busted.