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Archive for January, 2004

Faulty Intelligence By Peaceniks?

January 31st, 2004 by Bret

Former OC writer Eric Pfeiffer has another good piece published by a right-thinking publication. Check it out.

[Insert Tasteless "Terminator" Reference Here]

January 31st, 2004 by Courtney

It’s official: Gov. Schwarzenegger (R-CA) has the power of life and death.

Now, I don’t really have a problem with the death penalty. Especially for someone who “hacked” two adults and two children to death. However, I am a little creeped out by the idea of Arnie having the power to make decisions like this.

This Is for Tim’s Waggin’ Finger. Oh, How I Miss That Finger.

January 30th, 2004 by Tyler

Okay, so this is a little outdated, but I’ll run with it because it’s been a while since I’ve experienced Tim’s Bony Finger of Death. Although, I must admit that the finger is better used to destroy the self-worth of emotionally stunted, intellectually vacuous women who wish to talk econ at Rennie’s than spending policies of the Bush administration.

But I digress.

As for the increased NEA budget: Does this mean we’ll see more vivisected cows, scat-covered Virgin Marry paintings, and Mapplethorpe-inspired depictions of graphic gay sex? Or is this the beginning of an era of more conservative art? Will the NEA start funding the likes of Joe R. Kelley? Only time will tell.

P.S. Tim, you always say that art is worthless. I beg to differ. That awe-inspiring, patriotic picture of the bald eagle goes for sixty bucks. That ain’t chump change, my friend.

"When I Close My Eyes, All I Can See Is Flame. And Skeletons. And Skeletons On Fire."

January 30th, 2004 by olly

OK, Sho has been telling me to read this for ages, and I finally got around to it, and it’s excellent. Learn from my error and procrastinate no more.

Relevance? Well, the current storyline involves giant robots from the former USSR… and it takes a decidedly negative stance on what it refers to as “brutal hardline mechanical communism”… and… no, I got nothing. Sorry.


January 29th, 2004 by Timothy

Because I have once again posted a link to a piece by “That Steve Verdon Guy”. This one is about outsourcing and does a pretty decent job of collating the relevant facts. Read it, mortals.

Computer Security Breach, Raccoon BBQ at University of Georgia

January 29th, 2004 by Sho

Hackers may have broken into school servers, gaining access to students’ social security and credit card numbers, say University of Georgia officials.

In other Bulldog news, a Phi Kappa Psi fraternity member killed a raccoon that was “behaving strangely” behind the frat house. Another fraternity member skinned the animal and a third member apparently burned the carcass and ate “a piece of the flesh.”

The local animal control superintendent said the students had been drinking. They were also encouraged to undergo treatment for rabies, as rabid raccoons have been prevalent in the Athens area this year.

That’s illegal??

January 29th, 2004 by jeremy

I’ve been on several long flights in my life, and many of them also held the joy of someone’s malodorous offspring wailing like a wounded banshee every hour of it. On that note, I think this guy’s reaction was completely justified. In fact, had it been in a Will Ferrell movie we all would have laughed our ass cracks off.

In other news, James Brown fresh out of prison makes me wonder what hole they dragged him out of. Perhaps I shouldn’t be judgmental given that I will be luck if I am half that photogenic after being arrested and dragged from my home half-naked at the age of 70. But still, damn!

"CANNABIS IS STILL ILLEGAL" (Just to Remind All of You)

January 29th, 2004 by Sho

Britain loosened its laws today regarding the use of marijuana, bringing good news to an estimated 3.5 million pot smokers and many pizza delivery chains.

An adult caught with a small amount of pot will be stopped and searched, but not necessarily arrested or fined. Additionally, the maximum penalty for possession was decreased to two years in prison; however, the punishment for growing and dealing marijuana has been pushed up to 14 years.

This tolerance for smoking pot is nothing new, as far as I know. Britain is just putting into legislation what its police officers have been practicing for the past couple of years.

"Die Hardrockband Aus Der Schweiz!"

January 29th, 2004 by olly

Thursday has traditionally been Shakra Day, but this week we have a Pulse section totally devoid of its editor’s stylings. I am heartbroken, but confident that wherever he is, he’s cookin’ up something special. Meanwhile, we are left to marvel at other things. I know it’s childish to point out that there’s a Swiss hair metal band with the same name as our favorite columnist, but seriously, how perfect is this?

In marginally more serious news, there’s this (found linked on Wonkette). Money quote goes to Rep. Patrick Kennedy (D-RI), on the subject of Sen. Lincoln Chafee (R-RI):

Now when I hear someone talking about a Rhode Island politician whose father was a senator and who got to Washington on his family name, used cocaine, and wasn’t very smart, I know there is only a 50-50 chance it’s me.

The greatest revelation, however, is that Dick Armey released a CD entitled Dick Armey’s Favorite Hits. I must find this. I must find it at all costs. Please, please let him have covered Blitzkrieg Bop. Or, you know, something by Shakra.

Why Some Corporate Things Are OK And Not Made To Oppress You

January 28th, 2004 by Sho

Adam Greenfield, of the design-centric website v-2 Organisation, has endured one-too-many rants on the evils of corporate consumer products and is telling everyone to shut the hell up.

On Ikea: “You know what? I’m done with it. If your life is mediocre, I promise you, Ingvar Kamprad didn’t make it that way. You did. And if you’re so desperate for your own soixante-huit moment that you can sit there with a straight face and tell me that you’re being oppressed by flat-packable pine furniture with goofy pseudo-Scandinavian names, I’d advise you to spend a few days working with child slaves in the Sudan, or something.”


Coffee the new wonder drug?

January 28th, 2004 by Ben

Is anyone else a little disturbed by these studies that keep telling us that our vices are actually healthful. First they told us that a drink a day was good for your heart, now they say that coffee can prevent parkinsons and diabetes. The next study will probably show that smoking actually releases nano-bots into your bloodstream that seek out and destroy ebola and SARS infected cells with ultra-violet lasers. It’s enough to make a man want to start using amphetimines just to see what happens.

Domestic Eco-Digi-Terrorism: the new battleground?

January 28th, 2004 by danimal

A semi-frightening prospect from in the wake of the MyDoom virus, and to a lesser extent the Puppy War:

With the sensitive nature of electronic missives and transmissions, hacking a network will soon become more popular (and let’s face it more lucrative) then cracking a safe in a bank. Advocacy groups could easily use virus technology to annoy the heck out of users. Imagine PETA putting a picture of a bovine with a brain disease on your desktop. (And don’t think they won’t.)

Hey, as long as we can hit PETA’s servers with images of bacon-wrapped filet mignon with a side of lamb’s brain, all’s fair in war.

Yes, They Actually Ran A Picture Of Somebody Hugging A Tree

January 28th, 2004 by olly

The ODE‘s Aimee Rudin apparently has freakishly long arms. Good job, that cartoonist.

Meanwhile, I now have an excuse to go back in time a little. Some of you are already familiar with this piece, in which we learn that:

My best friend answers her phone while she’s on the toilet. She’s had whole conversations with her pants around her ankles.

As it stands, it’s a little too spew-worthy, especially if the first sentence is elided for extra humorous loss of context. But good accompanying text is hard to settle on. So far, the frontrunner is “Hey! Give me my belt back!” but other suggestions are welcome.

"Harry Potter And The Temple Of Methadone"

January 28th, 2004 by olly

You know I’m going to keep linking to these. This week, Shack offers to buy three shares of News Corp. stock, at $38.60 a share, if someone at Fox will finally euthanize Tru Calling. Meanwhile, he muses that “this show would actually be less painful if the characters occasionally reached out of the television and punched me in the face.”

"Double-fuck Oregon!"

January 27th, 2004 by olly

By the good graces of the Hotline, here‘s a transcript of Howard Dean on the Daily Show – complete with voiceovers!

Will it stem the tide of pieces like this? Probably not!

Early reports have Dean six or seven points behind Kerry. More bafflingly, early reports also have the New York Observer‘s George Gurley executing a neat segue from the Dean joke (linked above) to an entire column about ejaculation (same link, I’m afraid). On this evidence, Gawker‘s description of Gurley as a “troubled playboy/journalist” seems pretty apt.