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Archive for June, 2006

“Wifely Expectations” Author Sentenced

June 7th, 2006 by Ian

In a blow to lawyers everywhere, Travis Frey, whose sex abuse case made national headlines when it was revealed that he’d made his wife sign a Contract of Wifely Expectations, has been sentenced to ten years in prison. His crimes? Possession of child pornography, domestic abuse, sexual abuse, and poor taste in fonts.

Apocalypse Delayed?

June 6th, 2006 by Ian

I am shocked–shocked!– that we’ve made it nearly fourteen hours today and the world still hasn’t ended. A bit disappointed too… I was hoping to get out of having to take my finals. I guess we still have the next ten hours to wait.

But this (assuredly brief) delay in the apocalypse’s arrival will at least give me a chance to read Ann Coulter’s latest nuanced, scholarly work. Godless: The Church of Liberalism looks to be the sort of roller-coaster ride of investigative journalism that turns the world on its head and forces literate society to reexamine itself.

Since I’ve always considered myself a Liberal– an increasingly-rare Classical Liberal, to be precise– Ms. Coulter’s book may be what finally jolts my senses enough to begin participating on That whole evolution thing? Nonsense, of course. There’s no scientific evidence supporting Darwin’s “theory” and what “discrepancies” do exist can be easily explained by the fact that the Bible’s authors simply decided to leave out unimportant things like Jesus Horses. But perhaps the most stunning revelation in Coulter’s book is the truth of what lieberals such as myself were doing on the seventh day. Why, I can remember the seventh day as clearly as if it were only 6,000 years ago. I was sitting around a garden–scheming, as usual, about how I could help both the abortionists and pagans in one fell swoop. I decided the best way to go about this would be to introduce feminism to Eve and self-doubt to Adam. Suckers.

Of course, I’ve always kept my actions on that day to myself for fear of what people would think. Would I be stoned to death? Praised? Offered book deals? Now that it’s out in the open and the apocalypse is upon us I guess I truly have to evaluate where I’ve stood. Even more importantly, how will I be judged for my work amongst Hollywood’s Jewish anal sex-loving elite? Or my efforts to help ethnic minorities have more babies, despite John Gibson’s dire warnings? Or that time I made fun of Scientologists? These are the sins which I suspect will rest heavy on my conscience in the hours to come.

I am left with one question, however: why release the book today? Why not a week ago when I would’ve had a chance to read and atone for my crimes before the apocalypse hit? Oh Ann, you could’ve saved so many of us.

Piering’s Senate Top Ten

June 5th, 2006 by Ian

Outgoing Senator Toby Piering had an apropos top ten list which he read at the 5/30 transitional Student Senate meeting. I asked him for a copy and he helpfully obliged, asking only that I spell check it before posting. So, here’s Piering’s “top ten reasons why my experience this year in the ASUO Student
Senate has been such a joke”:

10. Someone thought it was imperative to tell us every night about a group’s budget, fundraising, and non-event revenue just to release their food holding for 30 dollars worth of pizza.
9. The highlight of my night (along with many other Senators) was trying to predict what time the meeting would end.
8. Actually… the real highlight of the night was the beer that came after the meeting was over.
7. The majority of Senators would vote “yes” on something because they didn’t want to make anyone mad…
6. Like your Daddy’s wallet, the Student Senate always had more money for those groups who overspent, contracted out speakers without paying them, or transferred out thousands of dollars to whatever they felt like.
5. Viewpoint neutrality means having a good spot at the middle of the table to look you friend in the eye when you fully fund their group’s surplus request.
4. We tried to do what the United States, United Nations, and the rest of the world couldn’t… stop Iran from building nuclear weapons.
3. The discussion about what bar to go after the meetings was longer than the one to approve a $20,000 concert.
2. We would rather walk out of a meeting to avoid a discussion than take it off the agenda.

And the number one reason why my experience this year in the ASUO Student Senate has been such a joke…

1. All this…and it is only student government

I leave you with this:

“The reason student politics are so vicious is precisely because the
stakes are so small.” – Winston Churchill

Glasgow Bans Glass

June 5th, 2006 by Ian

From the ‘nannystate vs. chavs’ department:

The most famous whisky bar in the world could be forced out of business under Glasgow’s controversial plan to introduce a blanket ban on glass.

Ken Storrie, the owner of the internationally-renowned Pot Still, said he would rather lose his licence than serve his vast selection of malts, which cost up to £250 a nip, in plastic cups.

The ban, due to be introduced in all bars and pubs in the city from January, will also prevent people from buying bottles of wine or champagne.


But Councillor Gordon Macdiarmid, the board’s convener, said he was not worried by the legal challenge, adding: ‘It is astonishing that anyone in the 21st century should seek to place the protection of glass receptacles ahead of the safety of their patrons.’

Macdiarmid, who has campaigned for years to make Glasgow the first ‘glass-free’ city in the world, said he was acting on evidence, as well as demands from parents of ‘glassing’ victims, surgeons and the police.


Do Not Use Transmit to Upgrade WordPress

June 2nd, 2006 by Ian

’nuff said. Pardon our dust while we piece things back together.

Dropping Math: Censor != Censure, OK != Legal

June 2nd, 2006 by Ian

I thought I should clarify a comment attributed to me in a Daily Emerald article about the Insurgent Town Hall forum.

Several Christian students said The Insurgent’s publication was an attack on Christianity that misinformed readers with false ideas.

“It’s not OK to pay people to attack us viciously,” music major Jethro Higgins said. If it’s not already against the law, “it should be,” he said.

Spencer told Higgins it’s OK to make fun of and offend people.

I told Higgins that it was legal to make fun of and offend people under the Constitution. One of the points I wish I had gotten across at the forum is that something can be idiotic, offensive, blasphemous, or whatever other negative you want to call it while still being legal.

The Students of Faith are making a tactical error by asking the University administration and ASUO to censure the Insurgent by forcing them to make an apology since, by law, that is something the two bodies legally cannot do. (Oh, and there’s something which is lost on various people: censure is a different word than censor.) Instead, as I tried to point out at the meeting, Students of Faith should be arguing that noone should have to pay for any sort of publication on campus, whether it be the Insurgent, the Voice, the Commentator, or the Emerald. The current system forces students to sponsor speech which they disagree with and in my opinion, this is a terrible position to be put in. But the bare fact is that this is an all or nothing proposition, and most people on campus seem to prefer the “all” option. And if that’s how it’s going to be, then I’d love to see a Students of Faith publication. Spew can always use more contributors.

Insurgent Town Hall Meeting

June 1st, 2006 by Ian

Newly minted ASUO Outreach Coordinator Mike Filippelli announced yesterday that there will be a townhall-style meeting to discuss the Insurgent’s Aroused Jesus issue on Thursday June 1st at 5:30 PM in Columbia 150. I think I’m going to do whatever I can to not be there.

UPDATE: Welp, despite my previous statements I’ve signed up to be on the panel. This was probably a very stupid move on my part, but oh well.

UPDATE x2: Bumping to the top because if it’s just me and Brett Rowlett chatting about sports and hairstyles I’m going to be disappointed (although I suppose he may have superb taste in both.) Also, I’m putting the over/under on total audience members at 35, which may be generous to the under.