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Apocalypse Delayed?

I am shocked–shocked!– that we’ve made it nearly fourteen hours today and the world still hasn’t ended. A bit disappointed too… I was hoping to get out of having to take my finals. I guess we still have the next ten hours to wait.

But this (assuredly brief) delay in the apocalypse’s arrival will at least give me a chance to read Ann Coulter’s latest nuanced, scholarly work. Godless: The Church of Liberalism looks to be the sort of roller-coaster ride of investigative journalism that turns the world on its head and forces literate society to reexamine itself.

Since I’ve always considered myself a Liberal– an increasingly-rare Classical Liberal, to be precise– Ms. Coulter’s book may be what finally jolts my senses enough to begin participating on That whole evolution thing? Nonsense, of course. There’s no scientific evidence supporting Darwin’s “theory” and what “discrepancies” do exist can be easily explained by the fact that the Bible’s authors simply decided to leave out unimportant things like Jesus Horses. But perhaps the most stunning revelation in Coulter’s book is the truth of what lieberals such as myself were doing on the seventh day. Why, I can remember the seventh day as clearly as if it were only 6,000 years ago. I was sitting around a garden–scheming, as usual, about how I could help both the abortionists and pagans in one fell swoop. I decided the best way to go about this would be to introduce feminism to Eve and self-doubt to Adam. Suckers.

Of course, I’ve always kept my actions on that day to myself for fear of what people would think. Would I be stoned to death? Praised? Offered book deals? Now that it’s out in the open and the apocalypse is upon us I guess I truly have to evaluate where I’ve stood. Even more importantly, how will I be judged for my work amongst Hollywood’s Jewish anal sex-loving elite? Or my efforts to help ethnic minorities have more babies, despite John Gibson’s dire warnings? Or that time I made fun of Scientologists? These are the sins which I suspect will rest heavy on my conscience in the hours to come.

I am left with one question, however: why release the book today? Why not a week ago when I would’ve had a chance to read and atone for my crimes before the apocalypse hit? Oh Ann, you could’ve saved so many of us.

  1. 1The Damned says:

    They gods have deteriorated life on earth precipitously in the last 40 years, from abortion to pornography, widespread drug use and widespread casual sex. The earth’s elders, hundreds and thousands of years old, are disgusted and don’t care, and they have become indifferent.
    The gods are paving the way for the Apocolypse.

  2. Gabrielle says:

    “And its creation myth: Darwin

  3. Timothy says:

    where prayer is prohibited but condoms are free

    Sign me up!

  4. Meghann says:

    Copied from the “Idaho Values Alliance” “newsletter”:


    I’ve begun reading Ann Coulter’s new book, “Godless,” and it is perhaps the most powerful book I’ve read this decade. It pulverizes liberalism by showing its utter hypocrisy and its stunning double standards and inconsistencies.

    It is a relentless expose’ of the “religion” that seeks to substitute itself for the Judeo-Christian tradition. I rarely say this about any book, but this is a must-read.

    She illustrates in abundant and compelling detail how the “Church of Liberalism” has:

    Its sacraments (abortion)
    Its holy writ (Roe v. Wade)
    Its martyrs (like Soviet spy Alger Hiss)
    Its clergy (public school teachers)
    Its churches (government schools, where prayer is prohibited but condoms are free)
    Its doctrine of infallibility (as manifest in the “absolute moral authority” of spokesmen from Cindy Sheehan to Max Cleland)
    Its cosmology (in which mankind is an inconsequential accident)
    And its creation myth: Darwin’s theory of evolution (based on bogus science)

  5. Matt P. says:

    Maybe the Forces of the Universe postponed the apocalypse for fear that Ann Coulter’s book release would steal their fire and change the story.

    PS. Good post Ian. Classical Liberals. A dying breed.

  6. Timothy says:

    Isn’t Bill Donohue the one who suggested a man make sure his son sees the loin from which the seed that made him sprang, so as he wouldn’t catch “Teh Gay”?

  7. Niedermeyer says:

    Wow… that Scarborough Country transcript was a delight… I’m still not sure if I can pick a favorite part.

    Was it Bill Donahue facetiously suggesting that the Puerto Ricans “killed Christ”? Was it Bill Donahue then being called an “ignorant peasant”?

    Maybe it was Donahue saying “Who really cares what Hollywood thinks? All these hacks come out there. Hollywood is controlled by secular Jews who hate Christianity in general and Catholicism in particular. It

  8. emily says:


    So, if there is a Jesus Horse, does this mean that “My Little Pony” is indeed mocking the Jesus Horse? I mean, the frolicking, ass-tatoos, pastel colors, and obivious reference to horse racing makes it the veritable Sodom & Gramorrah of the cartoon world.

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