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Archive for the 'Things That Infuriate Ossie' Category

ASUO Senate Update 9/26

September 26th, 2012 by Nick Ekblad

Every week, students like you and me congregate in the Walnut Room under the title of ASUO Senate. Every week, they make decisions that most of us probably don’t care about. Every year, I’ve paid little to no attention to this shit. But this year, I am condemned to attending these Senate meetings and relaying the information unto you. It was pretty boring at first, but things got heated and interesting with the censure of Constitution Court Justice Cedar Cosner. So here goes my first ASUO Senate meeting:

Matthew Miyamoto is acting as Chair until the election of a President or something. He calls the meeting to order at 7:03 p.m. This was followed by introductions and silly one-word recaps of summer. The agenda was approved.

Ben Bowman announces the Emerald‘s Launch Party, which starts at 8:00 p.m. Apparently there is a VIP party at 6:00 p.m. which includes a free meal? You’re not invited; he only invited the Senate and then the audience.

Justice Shultz came in and discussed the new rules for Constitution Court. They can probably be found somewhere, but apparently the “the most startling changes will be with [how] resolutions [are passed].” Senator Bacon expressed concern of the composition of Academic Senators with respect to categorization of senators and how that effects the acknowledgement of constituents. The number of Senate seats has something to do with this.
 More announcements. Oh my fucking god, can’t these announcements be emailed?

A Guide to Thanksgiving 2011

November 22nd, 2011 by Melissa Haskin

Stuck in town for Thanksgiving? Stuck at home for Thanksgiving? Here are some Commentator-approved ideas!

1.   In general, Macy’s and drunk should be synonymous, but this should be the case even more so on Thanksgiving. If you’re in for the hours and hours of fun called the Macy’s day parade consider making a pitcher of Mexican Thanksgiving Shots and taking a shot each time you see a marching band.

Recipe: Fill pitcher 1/2 full with Tequila. Fill remaining part of pitcher with Wild Turkey.
Alternatively, check out these holiday shot recipes. And this holiday drinking game.

2.   Find a Bank of America and impersonate their door.
3.   Capture wild turkey, take it downtown, let it go and then chase it saying “Turkey is friend not food!”
4.   Make yourself a meal of traditionally American food, just kidding! Check out these local places that are serving up Thanksgiving dinner. Or, if you’re too lazy, to venture a mile off campus McDonalds is open until 11 a.m. (Ethics and shit: I contribute to MyEugene and have class with the author of that article, so don’t get all crazy and yell at me for bein’ biased, ’cause I told you!)
5.   Change all of the Bibles for copies of the Student Insurgent before Thanksgiving service at your church. (I’d link to there blog here but it seems they must be SOOOO busy with their upcoming issue that they had to delete their blog.)
6.   And what’s as awesome as walking 2 miles at 9 a.m.? Running 4 miles of course! Sign up for the Turkey Trot 2-mile walk or 4-mile run benefiting Food for Lane County.
7.   Oh, and I almost forgot, the university calender says that the Museum of Natural and Cultural History will be showing an exhibit from 11:00 a.m. to 5 p.m. This couldn’t possibly be wrong, I’m sure they’re open. So make sure and check it out!

And here’s a little history lesson, enjoy!





Alexandra Wallace: the three minute mistake that wasn’t related to sex….(I know, odd right?)

April 5th, 2011 by Melissa Haskin

Several weeks ago, UCLA poli sci student Alexandra Wallace created a youtube video voicing her opinions on Asians in the library. The video, which very obviously crossed the line into racism went viral and in days, Wallace had created a mistake that she couldn’t undo.

After the incident, Wallace took responsibility for her actions and released the following statement to the UCLA student newspaper, The Daily Bruin

Clearly the original video posted by me was inappropriate. I cannot explain what possessed me to approach the subject as I did, and if I could undo it, I would. I’d like to offer my apology to the entire UCLA campus. For those who cannot find it within them to accept my apology, I understand.

In the days following, the UCLA administration conducted an investigation concluding that imposing academic consequences was outside of their scope

As a public university, UCLA protects free expression. While I and most on campus were appalled by the sentiments expressed in a recent YouTube video, we have uncovered no facts that lead us to believe that the Student Code of Conduct was violated. We have no intention of pursuing a disciplinary matter. Statement by Janina Montero, vice chancellor for student affairs

However, this investigation was not the only fallout from the video. Reactions reached the point of death threats (because fighting racism with violence is always the best answer [yes, that was sarcasm]) and Wallace’s interactions with the University quickly turned from investigation to protection. In fact, Wallace has decided to no longer attend UCLA as noted in a letter she wrote to The Daily Bruin (more…)

Nobody Asked Us But…

March 11th, 2010 by D

A few issues ago I wrote a “fake news story” about the Ol’ Dirty filling their news editor position with an orangutan named Pat. During a conversation with the Emerald‘s business manager Kathy Carbone, she complimented me on the story as well as asked me, “It’s funny, but can you just write that? Or is there some kind of rules against writing fake, ridiculous quotes?” I told Kathy that anyone who thinks a chimp getting hired at a school paper is real was not worth my time. We never received any complaints.

Unfortunately, the same can not be said for the Vancouver Voice, ran by former OC editor-in-chief Ossie Bladine. In a section titled “Not Real News” they ran a fake story about a local business considering implementing casino games for children as part of their business model. Just wait, it gets better.

Apparently a local citizen called the Washington State Gambling Commission and the business is now under investigation. Now, I can understand Ossie’s problem of readers’ lazy eyes — I have read links to this very blog (mostly from Tea Party people who hate me) saying that “there’s not even an author to this blog!” when clearly, my name is directly under the title.

What is more confusing, however, is how on Earth anyone could think that a news organization like the Voice would run a straight news story about a children’s gambling establishment with no commentary or editorial substance. Is the generation gap becoming so large that The Onion is becoming a dividing line?

This is not the first time this year the Voice has had such confusion over a clearly labeled and clearly satirical article. In their Jan. 21 issue, the Voice ran a story about The Columbian changing its name to The Fort Vancouver Tribune. Apparently this caused some mental anguish for their readers, and Ossie had to formulate a very obvious, simply-worded note for his slower readers that read, We’d like to state that this was not quite real news–as in, we made it up.” 

In any case Ossie said, “From an outsider’s view, this is pretty funny. But for Big Al’s, a locally owned business that works hard to keep a family friendly image, not so funny.” But Ossie’s wrong, isn’t he? It’s not funny.

It’s absolutely hilarious.

In Defense of Beer Drinking

March 1st, 2010 by Drew Cattermole

Last night saw the Winter Olympics come to an end. America won the overall medal count and host country  Canada won the most gold medals. One victory celebration in general caused an uproar. The Canadian women’s hockey celebrated  their gold medal victory by smoking  cigars and drinking beer.

The International Olympic Committee  was not pleased with the celebration and called in the international hockey committee and the Canadian Olympic International  to inform them they will be investigating the situation. The biggest problem with the celebration according to media outlets is that 18 year old Marie Philip Poulin was photographed drinking beer, 19 is the legal drinking age in British Columbia.

Stories like this just prove that American media has become too sensitive. Poulin scored the only two goals in the gold medal game. She spends most of her time training in Alberta where  the drinking age is 18. Yes, there are different “states” in Canada, they are called provinces or territories,  for all the geographically ignorant. The team won the biggest game of their careers and achieved the highest level of success in women’s hockey. Let them celebrate with some beer.  They did not drink or smoke while spectators were in the arena, give them a break.

If a 18 year old wants to drink a Molson after winning an Olympic gold medal I say let them drink up. It’s an amazing accomplishment that many strive for their whole lives. If that person score the only two goals in the gold medal game, there should be people lining up to buy her a drink. This was a goal oriented successful young woman (pun intended) celebrating with her teammates , not some high school drop out getting drunk by the train tracks.

Masoli and Embry Theft Coverage

January 27th, 2010 by Drew Cattermole

This past Tuesday the Ol’ Dirty ran a story reporting that Duck’s QB Jeremiah Masoli and WR Garrett Embry were linked to a theft at the SAE fraternity house. Reportedly stolen was two laptops and a “valuable” guitar. I only added the quotes over “valuable” because every news station reporting this is also doing it. The scoop that the ODE received was from a SAE member late Sunday night, the Tuesday paper edition read as such.

“Hello” one of the messages said. “Wake up. It’s the story of a lifetime. Jeremiah Masoli and Garrett Embry just stole all my friends possessions. We need a story run on this. Do you understand?”

This is where the story gets good. What many did not read is something that was omitted from the original story, and it’s racist.

That is right, “fucking hoodrats.” While we are no journalism students here at the Commentator I would just like to say if we ever received a message from a frat boy at midnight on a Sunday describing the suspects as “fucking hoodrats” we would be a little hesitant to run the story. The theft allegations are lacking definitive clarity, Max Wolfard the SAE member who reported the story claimed he ran down Garret Embry after chasing him a few blocks. Hello Chip Kelly, hand this man a scholarship! Our defensive back core is  getting weaker with TJ Ward leaving.

In an even more interesting twist, is reporting that Chuck Hare has video of Masoli at Taylor’s about the time that the theft was reported. How funny would it be if Taylor’s put to waste the frat’s allegations, unintentional comedy at it finest perhaps?

While we can not say what really happened for sure.  KMTR is reporting the two football players are not considered suspects in the theft.

For anyone who is bored, we suggest reading the comment sections  on the  ODE‘s website and on Deadspin.


January 6th, 2009 by Jake

A Pennsylvania township has banned smoking in outdoor areas. South Heildelberg Township located outside of Reading Pa., (and 10 minutes from my house) has disallowed any smoking on township property including parks, playgrounds and the parking lots adjoining public buildings.

Perhaps the most hilarious part of this ban is that the one exemption is the parking lot next to the police station. “Police are on duty 24/7, and it was felt they should have a place to smoke if desired,” said Township Manager Ronald R. Seaman.

The story cites Seaman’s reservations about the loophole in the law, but Seaman claims that the loophole will save the Township time and money in the long run. “They could jump in a cruiser, go to a supermarket parking lot and have a smoke. This way, they go outside, have a quick smoke and get it over with.”

Yes, God forbid we inconvenience the cops. I am more concerned about the displaced high school students who will no longer be able to congregate in the parks en masse to smoke once school lets out. In the words of Helen Lovejoy ‘What about the children. Won’t someone please think of the children?”

Smoke ‘Em While You Got ‘Em

December 30th, 2008 by CJ Ciaramella

As you’re probably all aware, Oregon’s new smoking ban goes into effect on the 1st, meaning tomorrow is your last day to enjoy delicious tobacco in a bar. (Of course, smoking is banned in all bars in Eugene already. We’re way ahead of the curve in overbearing nanny-ism). But would you believe that the Oregonian had the cojones to run an anti-smoking ban opinion? Check it out:

The state could have considered offering tax breaks to smoke-free businesses, for example. Instead, it’s taking the most restrictive course possible, banning smoking in all but a few specialized shops and lounges. The fact that smoking gets such harsh treatment while workers in far more dangerous fields receive not an ounce of notice suggests that the ban actually has little to do with employee safety. Protecting workers is simply the polite fiction by which nonsmokers have imposed their will on an increasingly unpopular minority.

However, I liked the Willy Week’s more blunt take on the matter:

Congratulations, you busybody neo-Puritan health-crusade fuckwads: You win again. You have assured that the people who make a living distributing poison to addicts will not have to breathe the poison of other addicts. And the only collateral damage is the neighborhood dive: the hole-in-the-wall joint where beautiful people never congregated anyway. So one of life’s little consolations—a beer and a cigarette—is now illegal in Portland. Good work, team.

For the record, we at the OC have taken many firm stands against smoking bans local, state and national.

P.S. Don’t be too surprised to see newspapers coming out against the ban. Journalists are rather notorious smokers. See also: Edward R. Murrow, Hunter S. Thompson and apparently every reporter in China.

Woke Up This Morning; OLCC Got Themselves a Blog

July 23rd, 2008 by CJ Ciaramella

Yes, the OLCC has a blog. I, for one, am excited to meet our longstanding antipode on the field of Internet battle (no, not Counterstrike, although we’d kick the OLCC’s ass in a clan match). In all seriousness, though, it’s refreshing to see a government agency start a blog. I hope they use it effectively to explain their often contentious decisions.

So far there are only two posts, but one is a response to a Blue Oregon post about self-serving wine machines that I also commented on.

Breaking News: OLCC Still Totally Sucks

July 3rd, 2008 by CJ Ciaramella

The OLCC is putting the kaibosh on a local vineyard’s attempt to actually do something cool. AgriVino Wine Center recently installed a fancy-pants new tasting room, complete with a self-serve wine tasting machine. From the McMinnville News-Register:

AgriVino offered visitors the opportunity to get a taste of and detailed information about Yamhill Wine Country before they ventured out into it. At the core of the operation was the Enomatic wine dispensing and preservation system.

This Italian-made device, legal for use in California and most other states, consists of individual units or stations holding up to eight wines each. The machines read a prepaid smart card that allows a maximum of 10 one-ounce pours over a two-hour period.

Licensed employees oversee the operation, offering advice, answering questions, disseminating information and controlling issuance of the cards. But customers insert the card and push the button to dispense the selected wine themselves.

Can you see where this is going? (more…)


April 3rd, 2008 by Ossie

The Con Court has made a ruling and denied a motion for reconsideration that sets the precedent that ASUO candidates cannot advertisement with, specifically, the Oregon Daily Emerald, and by default, the Oregon Commentator.

A motion of clarification filed by Tony Mecum brings into question Election Rule 6-12, which states:

that no candidate “shall employ, for any purpose relating to such election or ballot measure, any University facility or resource to which other electors do not have equal access.” Election Rule defines “University facilities and resources” as including “[p]ublications produced with University and/or student funds.”

Executive candidates Sam Dotters-Katz and Johnny Delashaw signed a contract with the Oregon Daily Emerald to run 10 half-page ads during this week and next week. Con Court ruled this breaks rule 6-12 because the Emerald can choose to not negotiate with a advertiser.

The Oregon Daily Emerald newspaper is a publication produced with student funds and as an independent paper has the right to run only the ads it wishes to, making it not necessarily accessible to all electorates. Therefore Election Rule 6.12 bars any electorates from employing the Oregon Daily Emerald newspaper.

A footnote in the opinion says:

This is just an interpretation of the Election Rule 6.12, not a determination of the validity of said rule.

This is absurd. First of all, ASUO President Emily McLain’s campaign ran an ad in the Emerald last year. Second of all, candidates have always ran ads in both the Emerald and the Oregon Commentator. We have several examples of this. Finally, both publications have advertising policies that clearly state both publications will not deny an advertiser based on political reasons, only if said advertisement is deemed offensive. (Actually, in the OC, pretty much anything goes as long as we get our dough.)

This is a preposterous precedent that the Con Court has set. It will deliberately take away much needed revenue from two students groups, both this year and possibly in the future unless this gets cleaned up.

CORRECTION: I originally said that Mecum filed a grievance. Mecum, a member of the Oregon Action Team, actually filed a motion of clarification.