PSA: To Keep The Front Page Unblank
May 27th, 2005 by TimothyIn two weeks time I shall be making a journey westward. Be advised, I’ll be in Oregon June 10-19, we’ll all have to get drunk and play ping-pong. You have been warned.
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Archive for May, 2005PSA: To Keep The Front Page UnblankMay 27th, 2005 by TimothyIn two weeks time I shall be making a journey westward. Be advised, I’ll be in Oregon June 10-19, we’ll all have to get drunk and play ping-pong. You have been warned. Coming Soon: Hate 2005May 26th, 2005 by ollyThe OC is (apparently) on its annual pre-Hate hiatus. I have just returned from assignment sleeping on the streets of Berkeley, Atkinson has convinced the staff of the Sixth Street Grill to create a margarita large enough for him to be bodily suspended therein, Ian is still at work on a system of subterranean tunnels designed to give us easier access to Johnson Hall, Melissa is engaged in strategic discussions with Ward Connerly, and Ben Hartley is off spending some quality time with his hookah. As for our heroic editor-in-chief, I’m not sure what the story is. However, I’ve fielded three calls from EPD within the last two hours enquiring as to his whereabouts, so I’m sure it’s good news. I Love It When A Five-Year Plan Comes TogetherMay 19th, 2005 by ollyFor the dedicated follower of controversy, this (PDF link) is required reading. Ladies and gentlemen, the Office of Institutional Equity and Diversity’s Five-Year Diversity Plan: it’s what we’re all going to be screaming at each other about next year. (By the way, I would like to take this opportunity to declare a pre-emptive moratorium on “five-year plan” jokes. Seriously, couldn’t they have picked a different number?) Released without fanfare (and, coincidentally enough, one day before the final University Senate meeting of the year) to an uncritical write-up from the ODE, the brouhaha surrounding this document has been steadily building over the last couple of weeks as more people have actually gotten a chance to read it. (Including, as detailed here, some who were rather upset to learn that they had supposedly been involved in writing it.) Put simply, it is an audacious institutional power grab on the part of the OIED – as the plan currently reads, they would have a say in the funding of new academic positions, hiring decisions, tenure review, salary levels, and virtually every significant operational aspect of every University department. The standard by which all departments will be judged is the nebulously-defined one of “cultural competency”, and you won’t need three guesses to figure out which branch of the University administration will be in charge of deciding who is “culturally competent” and who is not. This is, as they say, developing – and it’s likely to get interesting before too long. First salvo: the MCC is apparently holding a demonstration in the EMU amphitheater at 2 PM today in support of the plan. Hold on to your hats, folks. It’s Not Censorship If We Just Forgot To Mention ItMay 18th, 2005 by ollyAbsurdly short notice, but it might be worth pointing out that there’ll be a panel on campus press censorship this evening, organized by the Bias Response Team. If you haven’t seen the expressions that cross Tyler’s face as people explain to him that the OC should be run out of Eugene on a rail, you’re missing out; and we sincerely hope that this will be the last chance you get this year. 6:30 PM, 111 Lillis. Dan Flynn LivebloggingMay 17th, 2005 by IanHey everybody, It’s 8:08 pm in beautiful Eugene, OR. I’ll be liveblogging Dan Flynn’s speech on “Why the Left Hates America.” He’s coming on the stage, so let’s begin… Dan says that there is a difference between “Liberals,” “Democrats” and the “Far-left.” He asks the crowd what some examples of liberals are… the crowd responds with “Kerry,” “Hillary,” “Jesus,” etc. Update 8:17 Flynn points out that nearly (perhaps all) universities had a faculty campaign donations ratios heavily in favor of Kerry rather than Bush, pointing out that Dartmouth and Oregon had ratios of Kerry-Bush that equalled infinity Berkley is “the Rome of leftists” in the country, he says. Flynn tells the crowd that he was mooned in Berkeley. He tells the audience, “please don’t moon me. *laughs* [..] I’m serious about that. *laughs*” Update 8:22 “It’s a good idea to start things out with a joke. […] So rather than tell you a joke, I brought along a video clip that I want to play. It’s from Monty Python’s Life of Brian […] Not the most conservative movie in the world. […] It’s from a group that calls itself the People’s Front of Judea.” Plays the clip, which talks about what the Romans gave the Jews… including irrigation, medicine, education, aqueducts, public baths. “What have the Roman’s ever done for us,” Cleese asks. Update 8:26 “What has America ever done for anybody,” Flynn quotes Lindh as having said. He tells the crowd that he wants to give us the answer tonight. Also tells us that he’s interviewed over a thousand different leftists at various rallys. Quotes a New Mexico professor as having said that “anyone who blows up the Pentagon has earned(?) my vote.” Update 8:30 “The purpose of protest is to win over policy-makers.” Who are you going to win over when you hold up a sign that says “we support terrorists who shoot their own officers,” he asks, presumably meaning soldiers. The first heckler speaks up, saying that the peace movement “kept you out of Vietnam.” Flynn responds, saying that “I was born in 1973, man. Something else kept me out of Vietnam.” “It’s a very strange peace movement that we have.” Now he’s about to play some audio clips… Update 8:35 (Olly) I’m not going to focus on the content so much, because life is too short. Flynn’s technical assistant to the rescue. The audio clips are pretty much what you would expect: silly people saying silly things. How much longer is this going to last? Oh, he’s about to mention ANSWER. My problem with Flynn is that, while he’s giving an amiable enough performance, it would be just as easy to stand up there and quote a bunch of horrible assholes from the other side. On the other hand, looking around the hall at the stony faces, this might be exactly what they need to hear, so I’m conflicted on this one. ANSWER, Workers World Party, blah. Yes, they’re bad. “What’s the matter with being a worker?” asks this annoying old bastard in my row, loudly. If we are suddenly cut off here, it is because I have thrown the laptop at him. Ward Churchill! Holla! Alas, nobody in the audience seems to have heard of him. I’m sure they’d be all for him. Update 8:40 “Sweden!” says some asshole. Oh, wait, that one was me. The chair-elect of the College Republicans gives me an “et tu, Brute?” look. Flynn is absolutely right on this one, but the chuckles continue. Tiananmen Square. Utter silence. Flynn brings up the fact that the demonstrators being run over by tanks were holding up the Declaration of Independence. “Just like Kent State!” says some asshole. I had not heard this about Kent State. This is beginning to deteriorate. People are making more hostile comments. I am feeling bad for saying “Sweden!” back when it was relatively quiet. The general format of the talk is now apparent: Flynn says that America is not, really, that bad of a place, and sundry assholes in the crowd make asinine comparisons along the lines of “Tiananmen Square = Kent State”. I hope the pie-throwing contingent has shown up. Update 8:42 Flynn, perhaps rashly, refers to the state of affairs in his audience members’ heads as “a Candyland game”. Audible bridling at this. “Let’s compare America to countries that actually exist!” he suggests. China is horrible for various reasons; there are dowry killings in India; I am tempted beyond belief to shout “Just like at Kent State!” People are getting unruly. “Totally irrelevant!” some asshole shouts. “HOW MANY DOWRY KILLINGS WERE THERE IN AMERICA LAST YEAR?” asks Flynn, with the air of a man making a telling point. Update 8:45 Thirty seconds later, the asshole in my row shouts something about Fox News, and I am happy again. Update 8:50 Flynn makes the Horowitzian point that black Americans do not, actually, live in unimaginable squalor for the most part. Anathema to this crowd. Someone nearby is vocal about her disbelief that he just said that. Flynn wonders why immigrants from, say, Haiti, bother coming to this terrible racist hellhole. “Haven’t they read their Howard Zinn?” he asks. Dead silence. Closing quote comes from Edmund Burke, described as a “fellow Irishman”. Strange, Flynn doesn’t sound Irish. As with much of the talk, it makes a simple point that is, on its own terms, indisputable, and goes over like a lead balloon with about half of the room. Update 8:52 First guy accuses Flynn of wasting 45 minutes of his time. Why does the left hate America, he wants to know. Flynn responds by comparing America favorably to the USSR. This, I feel, will not satisfy our questioner. He may demand a refund. “America stands against the Left’s ideals,” Flynn points out. This is going to piss off a lot of people here who think of the Left as being them and their amiable young friends and not, say, Noam Chomsky. “So, Noam Chomsky hates religion and capitalism. Does that mean he hates everything about America?” asks a stoned-sounding guy. Jesus Christ. The response compares America favorably to Cambodia and Cuba and Afghanistan. Again, it’s just not going to play, Dan, although I wish it would. Update 9:00 Flynn makes a strong close on this one: “The reason there is my book and not a book called ‘Why the right hates America’ is that – for the most part – the left embraces their loonies and the right rejects them.” Applause. Next questioner wants to talk about the Romans. My fingers hurt. This guy isn’t getting blogged. In fact, here’s Ian again. Update 9:09 (Ian) Questioner asks what the solution for poverty is if government won’t step in to help people. “Freedom,” Flynn responds. Howling and disbelief. “The difference is freedom,” giving examples of Communist and fascist countries as countries that are not free and have horrible human rights and nutrition. Next question is “I was wondering if you’d call on a woman tonight.” *Laughs* And then he calls on a woman. She asks about what he thinks of the European system, where they have embraced liberal economics yet have plenty of government-run social programs. “They’re not better off than we are,” Flynn responds. (Tyler) Next, health care. Surprise, Flynn isn’t for nationalized health care. People in the audience are incensed … INCENSED! They haven’t heard of Medicare… ‘In socialism, everyone is a loser.” A girl in the back asks if we should be satisfied as first-world citizens. Flynn counters that the complaints lobbed at America, however, are reflexive. America is still the best place in the world to be an American. Redundancy acknowledged. Brain hurts. So, so tired. Everybody else is already at the bar. Bastards. Update 9:15 Update 9:16 Old crazy man from Olly’s row asks question of sorts. It’s pretty good: “I love my country, Ace! … I love my country but I can’t trust my government.” Some horrible, horrible asshole screams, “Then you should get the hell out.” He does. Update 9:20 (Olly) Last question. Why did Flynn look at donations to Kerry to find influence of sinister leftism on campus, and not, say, Nader? Flynn is willing to give a little ground on this one. We’re done, and now the crazy people start shouting questions. Nothing coherent makes it over to this side of the room. People start shouting requests for clarification. Flynn wraps it up with “Americans need to face the truth about themselves, no matter how pleasant the truth may be.” Not everybody is mollified by this. That’s it. I’m out. Inaccuracies and typos to be cleared up later. (written by Ian, Olly, and Tyler) Update 10:26 Campus Now Marginally Less DiverseMay 17th, 2005 by ollySo, farewell then, Gregory J. Vincent. After eighteen months of coordinating the more-chaotic-than-usual diversity effort on campus, our Vice Provost for Institutional Equity and Diversity will become Vice Provost for Inclusion and Cross-Cultural Effectiveness at the University of Texas. He will be remembered as a law professor who encouraged student officials such as Dan Kieffer to break the law if they feel like it, as one of the administrators whose bad advice led Toby Hill-Meyer into this year’s quixotic battle against the press, and as a diversity maven who responded to the safety concerns of minority students who didn’t toe the party line with, at best, silence. We wish him all the best for the future. So which is it, then?May 16th, 2005 by danimalThis image has been featured prominently at Yahoo! News since Newsweek retracted the Gitmo Koran-flush story: And the conflict between these signs has been bugging me for hours now. If the first guy’s sign is to be taken as a call for consequences when the news media is inaccurate, then that totally deflates the second guy’s sign, right? Newsweek was wrong about the Koran desecration, so why should Bush apologize for something that didn’t happen? On the other hand, if the desecration story were true, as the second guy clearly believes, then by all means his sign would be right. But if so, then why should Newsweek be banned? For exposing the alleged injustice? Does the first guy really want to ban media that break stories he finds important? So now the first guy looks like an ass. These signs just can’t be reconciled. Unless, of course, all these guys really mean to say is “Marg-bar Amreeka!” If so, I recommend they stick to it. Simplicity begets clarity; the devil lurks in the details. The Ol’ “I’m Takin’ This Fake Cock to My Cousin” RuseMay 13th, 2005 by TylerWhen will Onterrio Smith learn: Airport security will always find your stash of plastic cocks and freeze-dried urine. Always, my friend. ODE: Leaving out the important things.May 13th, 2005 by melissaSo, I submit this to the ODE yesterday. They printed it without hacking it to pieces, but left out one key passage. Per the grossly overquoted Martin Luther King, Jr. That gave context to the whole submission. Thanks, ODE. Thanks a lot. Wisdom from Mr. TMay 11th, 2005 by Tyler“Heyyyy! This is Mr. T talkin’! That’s capital T that rhymes with me! I wanna tell you about somethin’ that happened to us in Seattle! You know, sometimes we get so wrapped up in how a problem bothers us, we don’t see what the problem really is! You know, my little friend Kim found that out the hard way when we tangle with this mean dude who was messing with people minds [sic] and stealin’ they thoughts [sic]! Which is why we call this case the Mystery of the Miiiiind Thieves!” Truly words to live by. [via agony booth] The Death of Blogging — The Huffington PostMay 11th, 2005 by TylerBask in the crapulence that is the Huffington Post. Then read Nikki Finkes semi-insane rant about just how crapulent it is. Option Two: Electric BoogalooMay 11th, 2005 by TylerAs reported in the Emerald today, our friends at the MCC, whose views on legality and fairness have been extensively recorded, have created a petition in support of restoring $94,600 of lost stipends. Mike Sherminator Sherman has cleverly named this second option Option Two. The money would come from overrealized funds. Blah blah blah race blah blah blah poverty blah blah. Clearly, there are problems with the new stipend model, with some groups like KWVA and the MCC receiving all their stipends and other groups like APS being cut drastically and for no apparent reason. Most of the ethnic student unions had one or two of their three stipended positions cut, which is disproportionate only because there are so many groups. Here’s my solution: If you are a low-income student (full disclosure, I am a low income student), which is not synonymous with student of color, you should probably seek gainful employment outside of the ASUO. If you want a leadership position, then suck it up. Leadership opportunities and resume fodder should be their own rewards. And seriously, can anybody live off $125 a month? Is that anything but beer money? Maybe thats why these students are so damn poor. Read Ian Spencers take on the new stipend model and its flaws in the last issue for the real scoopThe Senate will convene tonight to vote on Option Two. Hack Attack!May 10th, 2005 by IanHack Attack ’05 is now available for your perusal. Enjoy! From The “Let Me Taste Your Tears” Desk: International Edition!May 10th, 2005 by ollyI know I’ve been going on about foreign affairs a bit lately, but these elections only happen once every four or five years. Anyway: I am going to be keeping an eye out for the prose stylings of this Richard Gott fellow from now on.
Your eyes do not deceive you: he really did just go there!
Mmmm. Sweet, delicious tears. Do not be misled by reports of Labour’s “sharply reduced” majority: compared to any British parliament with the exception of the last two, a majority in the sixties is thoroughly convincing. I Demand ResidualsMay 10th, 2005 by TylerGabe Bradley ripped off my editorial! |