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Archive for July, 2007

Meth is coming for your kids!

July 31st, 2007 by CJ Ciaramella

Yesterday the Register Guard performed its required duty as an Oregon newspaper by printing another scary story on the so-called “meth epidemic.” How scary, you say? The front-page headline reads “New fear for parents: candy-flavored meth”.

That’s right, folks. Meth is coming for your kids in delicious fruit flavors. According to the article, the street name for flavored meth is “strawberry quick.” Hmm, why not “very berry crank” or “watermelon felon?” A police officer in the article claims the new fruity meth is an attempt by dealers to branch out. From the article:

He said drug traffickers want to attract younger customers, and to do so, have devised a “package and label” that will appeal to youths.

Yes, I can imagine the local meth barons holding a board meeting and deciding they needed to “reach a new demographic” and “expand their market share,” etc. Personally, I wouldn’t get worried until the meth dealers start doing movie tie-ins and children’s toys.

But You Hippies Are Screwed The Worst

July 31st, 2007 by Tyler

Put this in your pipe and smoke it.

We’re All Screwed

July 31st, 2007 by Tyler

Meh, who needs bowels anyway?

The FCC is Awesome

July 27th, 2007 by Jake

This story comes from the Honolulu Star Bulletin. Besides regulating wardrobe malfunctions, the FCC also licenses broadcast stations and distributes the four-letter call names for stations. For example, the CBS affiliate in Eugene is called KVAL, and the ABC affiliate is KEZI.

Now, the FCC has decided to give a yet-to-air station in Maui the surname KUNT. That’s right. That one word you aren’t supposed to use…ever. The FCC has now decided that it is no longer indecent, going so far as to name one of their stations the dirtiest of dirties. To make matters worse, the FCC has also named a station in Arizona KWTF. Like, “KWTF man? I can’t believe you named a station KUNT.”

I would also like to state that this the first time I have ever come close to writing the “C word” on any public form. The internet is awesome.

Wait, there’s insane people on the internet?

July 27th, 2007 by CJ Ciaramella

Is it a full moon or something? The last couple of days have seen a violent increase in crazy-vibes. For example, if you’ve been paying any attention to the “blogosphere” (god, I shudder everytime I have to use that word), you might have heard about Bill O’Reilly’s crusade against DailyKos, one of the biggest liberal blogs on the Internet. O’Reilly called the blog a “hate site” and compared it to Nazis and the Klu Klux Klan; he also managed to dig up some kooky quotes from the site’s thousands of users and commentors.

Keith Olbermann descended on the situation with barely restrained glee, but he just might be the only person on earth capable of making his task look difficult . C’mon, Olbermann, you’re practically being handed a shotgun and directed to the barrel of fish! Of course, Stephen Colbert wasn’t about to let anyone talk bad about Papa Bear.

But how did DailyKos respond? Well, they did the only responsibe thing and dug up insane posts from users on O’Reilly’s forum! The difference, of course, is that DailyKos is an open forum, whereas O’Reilly’s requires a membership fee. One blogger also wrote this impassioned plea to O’Reilly to call off his vicious attack. To wit:

Please, Bill O’Reilly, spare us from your savage and inexplicable rage. We can’t take any more of it. Being defended by Keith Olbermann… being roundly and sternly publicized by Stephen Colbert… it’s all too much. The extra traffic, the publicity, the footage of your narcissistic tantrums… the subsequent exposure of hate speech and death threats on your pay-to-post blog. How can any liberal website withstand such a well-planned assault?

I guess the moral of the story is the internet is full of completely insane people. Of course, we here at the Commentator were already well aware of that (*cough* Deb Frisch *cough*). Also, I hope everyone enjoys this post because I had to wade through page after page of self-righteous DailyKos musings to put it together. They post about 100 article a day; seriously, they make Proust look minimalist.

YouTube debate: revolution or convolution?

July 24th, 2007 by CJ Ciaramella

Yesterday CNN hosted its much-hyped YouTube presidential debate with the Democratic candidates. Rather than a traditional moderator, all the questions posed were submitted via YouTube by “average joes” (and a snowman). I guess this was the Internet’s big chance to make good on that whole “democratizing effect” promise we’ve been hearing about for the past ten years or so. Of course, the questions were still screened and selected by CNN, which explains the notable absence of YouTube’s regular fare (crazy Japanese prank shows, people ghostriding the whip and teenagers going out of their minds on salvia).

As for the content, it seemed marginally more interesting than a regular debate; there was at least the potential to put the candidates in the hot seat, such as when a lesbian couple inquired as to why they shouldn’t be allowed to marry. If nothing else, it was a step in the right direction, although Politico found it highly ironic that the debate itself failed to produce a “YouTube moment.” Also not impressed were the folks over at Wonkette, who live-blogged the whole thing (read: sat at their computers and got drunk as the debate unfolded).

Kids thrown in jail for being kids

July 23rd, 2007 by Tyler

Today’s Oregonian has a lengthy story about kids being kids, and the power-mad prosecutors who want to throw them in jail: Two young boys at McMinnville’s Patton Middle School were sent to jail for five days for supposedly sexually harassing their classmates, by running through the halls swatting girls on the bottom. But that’s not all. They now face the prospect of 10 years in jail and a lifetime sentence on Oregon’s sex crime registry.

I don’t think it will go that far — thanks in part to the Oregonian’s coverage of this travesty, which underscores the irksome level of stupidity
surrounding this case — but you never know. Still, I have a strong suspicion that the more explaining officials have to do, the more likely these power-hungry morons will back off.

I mean, how can you justify something this ridiculous:

Several girls told Roache and Tillery the boys had swatted their behinds on what they declared to be “slap butt day,” according to the first police report. Some girls told police they did not like it and had asked the boys to stop. But a follow-up report filed four days later by Roache makes the situation seem much foggier.

All told, Roache interviewed 14 students besides Cornelison and Mashburn. Seven confessed to bottom-swatting, including one girl who described it as “a handshake we do.” Two of the alleged victims said they had swatted boys’ buttocks themselves.

“She will touch Cory after he touches her first,” Roache wrote in the report.

This second round of interviews took place while the boys were in detention. A day later, the juvenile court held a hearing on whether the boys should be released. The courtroom was packed with Patton students and families of both boys — many were crying. The boys were there, too, in shackles and jail outfits.

Are you kidding me? Other kids took part? Then why target these kids? There really isn’t much to say about this, except that this growing trend of treating overly rambunctious children like sex offenders is extremely disturbing. Maybe I’m alone here, but I don’t see what good it does to irreversibly and negatively alter a child’s life over an innocuous and likely non-sexualized butt slap. Everyone involved in this case, on the prosecutorial end, should be severely admonished — I mean Nifong-level admonishment.

[Addendum: It appears as if the father of one of the boys works for the McMinnville News-Register, the newspaper owned by the OC’s Ossie Bladine’s family. Is this correct?]

Romney goes red-baiting

July 23rd, 2007 by CJ Ciaramella

Oh dear, oh dear. Mitt Romney is on the war path. Instead of attacking his fellow Republicans, he’s switched tactics and turned his sights to the Democrats. Recently in Massachusetts, for example, Romney compared Hillary Clinton to Karl Marx, waxing thus:

“She said we have been an ‘on-your-own society’ and she says we need to replace that with shared responsibility and ‘working together society.’ That’s out with (free-market pioneer) Adam Smith and in with Karl Marx.”

Granted, we here at the Commentator are no fans of socialized medicine, but comparing Hillary Clinton to Karl Marx is like comparing, say, a Ford Festiva to Bigfoot the monster truck. One is laughable and weak, and the other is powerful, yet taken way too seriously by stupid people. Just for the sake of argument, though, let’s compare Hillary Clinton and Karl Marx to see how they stack up against each other. (more…)

An arena here, an arena there, pretty soon you’re talking real money…

July 17th, 2007 by Niedermeyer

So, baseball’s the new thing at the UO, in case you hadn’t noticed, which means the Athletic Department is going to have to build a brand new baseball stadium. These are some big plans for a brand new AD who was brought in to essentially ensure the building of a new basketball arena. So, new basketball arena, new baseball stadium, a new learning center for athletes… no wonder professors have been harping about Athletics expenditures all year. The baseball announcement has created a new window for criticism, and much of it makes a good deal of sense. Biology prof Nathan Tublitz’ piece in the Register Guard today sticks it to Kilkenny on a number of fronts, including financing and space rental…

How will erecting an arena “continue to pump money back into the university’s budget”? No funds currently flow on a regular or irregular basis from athletics to academics, and there are no plans for such flows to occur. Moreover, if the arena fails to generate sufficient income to make the loan payments, funds will be diverted from academics to athletics.

I’ve been against plans for a new arena from the get go… McArthur rules, and with a little work it could be even better. Also, why can’t we let baseball be the Beavers thing? We already have basketball and football, right? Isn’t it kind of pathetic for us to jump into a new sport just because the Beavs are doing well at it? Then again, maybe Kilkenny’s just trying to stick it to the Em’s. Either way, it all seems a little “color changing helmet“-ish to me.

Real Men Play Rugby.

July 17th, 2007 by Jake

I found this story on Basically a rugby player in Australia went to the doctor’s complaining about headaches and the eye infection he had developed. After running a couple of tests, the doctor found the tooth of another player had been embedded in his head. The story ends with this quote:

“I can laugh about it now, but the doctor told me it could have been serious, with teeth carrying germs…I’ve got the tooth at home, sitting on the bedside table. If he wants it back he can have it. I’m keeping it at the moment as proof that it actually happened.”

Finally, another ASUO blog

July 16th, 2007 by Niedermeyer

Blogging (despite its considerable rewards) can be a time-consuming, even tedious task at times. Because of this, blogs and their discourse are almost always better when they are part of a community based on the topic at hand. Although the Emerald technicaly blogs about the ASUO, it’s rare and usually reads more like a news story that didn’t make a print deadline than what one typically thinks of as “blog content.” This has left the brunt of informal, analysis-heavy coverage of the ASUO to the Oregon Commentator blog… untill now.

ASUO Senator Neil Brown has just opened his ASUO blog Neilpolitik, with an opening post which explains his priorities. Ethics reform, PFC reform and sustainability top the list, and having spoken with Neil at some length about the ASUO, I’m really looking forward to reading his analysis. Hell, it would be great if every Senator had a blog so we could get public comments from everyone after every meeting. Too often, the ASUO takes precipitous action without duly talking things over, nearly always to the detriment of the students they represent. The more blog discourse the better, and we welcome Neilpolitik to our blogroll!

Dead Soldiers Worth $20

July 12th, 2007 by Sean Jin

This is the epitome of profiteering off of war tragedies. Forget Halliburton, forget defense contracts, whatever the left-wing blames the war for. This is about something else, something closer to my heart. It’s about veterans and service members KIA in war.

This story tells about Dan Frazier, a businessman in Flagstaff, AZ who is selling Anti-war T-shirts that have the NAMES OF SERVICE MEMBERS that have died on them for $20 a piece. There is nothing I hate more than a liberal or conservative or whoever that uses the deaths of soldiers and Marines for political statements. The utter disrespect for the sacrifice is appalling.

Arizona is trying to outlaw the sale of such a shirt, and Frazier is defending it as his First Amendment rights. This speaks of a larger problem with American society. People have lost moral sense whatsoever. They do not look at what is socially irresponsible or wrong, but just what is legal and illegal. And people are just looking to make a buck, regardless of the emotional or moral cost. I suppose that’s the downside of having a market-driven economy/country. Sure, Frazier might have the right to sell such a shirt (which he may not even, since I don’t know if the First Amendment applies to making profit). But does that fact that he is a shitbag and WRONG say anything to him? No.

The end of the article reaffirms all assumptions I made about Frazier: he said that any publicity is good because it boosts the sales of his T-shirts.

Political Fellatio

July 12th, 2007 by Sean Jin

This story was on A Florida State Representative, Robert Allen R-Merritt Island, was arrested under allegations of sex solicitation. To a guy.

The undercover officer alleges that Rep. Allen was “acting suspicious” and “going in and out of the men’s bathroom”. Thereafter, he says that Allen offered to perform oral sex on him for 20 dollars.

Besides the fact that the news article implicitly emphasizes the fact that the undercover cop was male (for technical reasons regarding oral sex, of course), 20 dollars?! There’s something very, very wrong about this, because last time I checked, politicians weren’t that poor. And last time I checked, blowjobs cost more than 20 dollars. This guy Allen was either framed, or gets a real kick out of blowing men. Or maybe fellatio (giving or receiving) is a hobby of politicians in general.

Little else has been said about the story, but I think whoever got blown by Rep. Allen should just be glad that it wasn’t Hillary Clinton.

Someone got a new job

July 11th, 2007 by Sean Jin

Ted’s been talking about job hunting lately, since he’s graduated or some BS like that. Contextual evidence proved that today when someone called from the Gallup Poll and sounded JUST. LIKE. HIM

I know you fed me some story about some job, but you really didn’t have to lie that it wasn’t a phone calling job…really, it’s fine, man. Gotta make money somehow. 😛

Hemingway: Watching Crap So You Don’t Have To

July 11th, 2007 by Timothy

It’s kind of sad that I got this via the Agitator, but OC Alumn and all-around cool guy Mark Hemingway has a piece about Live Earth in NRO. The whole thing is golden, so read it, but I’ve excerpted a few of my favorite bits below.

12:59: Another PSA, this time horrendously exploited children prattling on about global warming. One very young girl bemoans that her children may never see a blue sky or green grass. It’s a full-frame closeup with tears streaming down her face. Naturally, this causes my wife to laugh uproariously. I knew there was a reason I married her.

5:55: John Mayer takes the stage. Mayer is Berklee College of Music grad and arguably the first virtuoso musician to take the stage today. Too bad he’s carved out a lucrative career by taking on the most thankless task in music — writing songs that simultaneously a) make sorority girls feel good about themselves (“Greg at Sigma Chi would never compare my body to a wonderland!”) and b) are non-threatening enough that make aging Grammy voters feel good about voting for someone under 30. For all of his technically impressive licks, every song the man writes makes my cochlea want to leap out of my head and dissolve themselves in a warm bucket of lye.

This describes, perfectly, exactly what is wrong with John Mayer.