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Archive for August, 2009

College Credit for Pushing Obama’s Agenda

August 17th, 2009 by CJ Ciaramella

Crossposted over at The Weekly Standard:

I received an email at my University of Oregon account today informing me that there are “intern opportunities with Organizing for America,” formerly Obama for America. According to the email, OFA is launching what it calls the “National Organizing Internship” for college students around the country. From the email:


Organizing Interns work side by side with OFA staff and community leaders to help build support for President Obama’s agenda. They will learn core organizing principles that are crucial for any campaign.

President Obama describes his time as a community organizer by saying: “It was the best education I ever had, because I learned in those neighborhoods that when ordinary people come together, they can achieve extraordinary things.”

This is your chance to get that same education.

If you’re passionate about making sure every American has quality health care, reviving our economy, and building a clean energy future, don’t miss this great opportunity. No previous experience is needed in order to apply.


Yes, you, too, can learn how to walk door-to-door and hand people flyers! You will also learn core phone-banking principles and how the OFA staff prefers their coffee. And yes, students are eligible to receive college credit for pushing the president’s agenda, provided they set it up with their school. Become a cog in the great hope machine today! Just don’t call it astroturfing!

Dear Baby Boomers…

August 16th, 2009 by Vincent

It’s been forty years. No one cares. The world does not — and never did — revolve around you. So please scurry off and die already, and take your self-serving myth-making right along with you.


Everyone else.

Cash for Clunking Doctors

August 14th, 2009 by Timothy

It has come to my attention that our numerous trolls, illiterates, and Palin-bangers are upset about Dane’s trashing of the nation’s most prominently vapid GILF*. Their incohate bleating, weeping, and gnashing of teeth have inspired me to write a post I was going to write anyway, only on the clock instead of this afternoon. Way to go, chums.

Yesterday the LA Times ran a pretty good piece on Washington’s latest completely wasteful boondoggle: Cash for Clunkers. Unless you’ve been living under a rock or a bridge like the commenters a post down, you’re undoubtedly aware that the government is offering a $4,500 rebate on “clunkers” toward the purchase of a new car. Aside from effectively establishing a price floor on the used market and maybe pricing a bunch of people out, the program does not apply to any car manufactured before 1984. Why? Good old regulatory capture and political economy.

The restrictions were pushed by lobbyists for the Specialty Equipment Market Assn., a Diamond Bar group that represents companies that sell parts and services to classic and antique car collectors. The group, as well as classic car enthusiasts, have opposed cash for clunkers because they don’t want older vehicles to be destroyed.

When the proposals for a clunker buyback program surfaced early this year, the specialty equipment association opposed the entire concept because such a program could shrink the size of the market for aftermarket parts. The association eventually got lawmakers to adopt the age limit.

“We are very pleased that Congress was able to include that in the program,” said Stuart Gosswein, director of regulatory affairs at the association.

The association represents more than 7,000 companies that make all manner of auto-related products, including reproduction Model T tires and AMC Gremlin upholstery. The powerful interest group has won legislative battles nationwide to protect owners of classic cars and hot rods from laws covering vehicle noise, emissions tests and much else.



August 13th, 2009 by D


Only you can prevent me from raping your ears.

Mrs. Opportunity is at it again, causing mounds upon mounds of soundbytes to ooze from various radio and television news talkshow hosts. It’s already abundantly clear that no one should ever listen to what this woman says, but somehow she still gains national spotlight because she has, yet again, failed to understand a fundamental element of national policy.

Now the last few days I’ve had to watch cable news shows, Jon Stewart and others absolutely destroy Palin’s asinine remarks from her Facebook page. Why hasn’t anyone taken then hint yet that Palin is, by all accounts, meaningless?

Her contribution to American politics was, at best, limited during her VP run. Now that she’s resigned from her Governor’s post she has absolutely zero legitimacy as a nationally recognized commentator on American politics. Let’s put this out there one more time: Sarah Palin is not an important national figure. She’s a joke, a lame-duck Governor from a state with about as many people as Portland.

For people like Sean Hannity and Jon Stewart to be discussing her opinion shows their inability to judge what and who should be relevant on a national scale.

Summer Senate 8/12

August 12th, 2009 by Drew Cattermole

Summer Senate took place today, and THEY ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING (  ED. NOTE this summer senate meeting brought to you by the letter D). So I guess for once in my biweekly occurrences of reporting about the summer senate I actually have something to write about. 

The biggest issue during the meeting was a special request from Ethos magazine. Ethos was asking for $579  in special request. Ethos has managed to raised $4,000 in the last two months for their magazine alone, the request was for promotional items such as a new banner, color print ads, business cards etc. The special request was granted at $279 with a vote 0f 4-0. 

The second biggest issue of the night was that the senate finally picked a place to make ASUO reporters miserable over the  next school year. Senate meetings will be held in the Walnut room next year. 

Branding became an issue once again as the senate questioned the Ethos representatives about putting their new brand on the proposed banner. Ethos magazine agreed in a matter of seconds (another editors note. We won’t be as easily persuaded). to place the newly designed logo on their banner. During the end of the meeting it was announced that there have been several logos already made which look “pretty cool” giving all male members on staff, aka all members besides Sen. Diamond, chubbies.

Bounds Hired On as ASUO Finance Coordinator, Resigns from PFC

August 10th, 2009 by D

PFC Member Grace Bounds resigned her seat on the PFC today as she was hired for the open ASUO Finance Coordinator position. Her letter to the PFC is below.

Dear Programs Finance Committee Members,
I am sorry to inform you all that I am resigning as a member of the PFC. It has been a great privilege and pleasure serving on the Programs Finance Committee. My resignation is to go in to immediate effect as I have applied and been hired as the ASUO Finance Coordinator.
I will still be around the ASUO and still have the opportunity to work with the Programs Finance Committee. I would love to help in any way you all may see fit, and please feel free to approach me with any questions.
Grace Bounds

The Coordinator position will give Bounds an added workload from her current spot on the PFC. According to the ASUO website the position, “oversees the ASUO budget process and the expenditure of current ASUO program budgets. This coordinator also acts as a financial advisor to the ASUO President and Vice President.”

The Flame that Burns Twice as Bright Burns Half as Long

August 6th, 2009 by Vincent

With the Obama Administration on its last legs after less than a year, having spent what was left of its political capital in a savage, blood-soaked gladiator brawl over questions about the President’s place of birth and in the wake of ex-Alaska Governor Sarah Palin’s sudden resignation from office and her subsequent abortive foray into avant-garde poetry, rumors abounded that the Oregon Commentator’s own Sudsy O’Sullivan was already preparing for an easy cruise through the 2012 election.

Sadly, it seems that Sudsy’s Presidential ambitions have been stymied before the beloved anthropomorphic mug of beer’s campaign even got of the ground with the revelation that Mr. O’Sullivan was, in fact, born in Kenya.

Via operatives planted at the headquarters of the “Birther” movement, the Oregon Commentator has obtained a copy of Sudsy O’Sullivan’s birth certificate, which we have reproduced below:


Despite torpedoing President Obama’s entire Administration and forcing the nascent O’Sullivan campaign to scuttle its plans for a 2012 run, one of the leading lights in the so-called “Birther” movement, the amusingly named Orly Taitz, has praised California Governor Arnold Schwartzenegger, saying:

Governor Schwartzenegger has done a fantastic job here in California. The state has never been in better shape. People poke a lot of fun at Governor Schwartzenegger’s so-called “accent”, but as far as I’m concerned, he’s a patriotic American, through and through.

In fact, we’re hoping he’ll consider a 2012 Presidential run because we’re confident he has a good shot at the Oval Office. At least he’s demonstrated that he knows how to run a responsible budget, unlike that stinking foreigner who’s been treating America like Occupied Poland since January 20th…


August 4th, 2009 by Scott Younker

According to an Emerald article Oregon Rep. Earl Blumenauer introduced legislation that would fund a pilot program. This particular program is called the Vehicle Miles Traveled program.

The article says that this program would have GPS units put into vehicles and then drivers would be taxed for the number of miles that they’d driven (on top of the federal and state gas taxes). Blumenauer is trying to make this a national program.

Guess what state has already tried this program out? You guessed it! Oregon and in the lovely city of Portland. People volunteered to have the state put GPS units in their car and track their in-state mileage.

I realize that in the poorly budgeted state of Oregon more taxes is a good thing for those yokels in Salem but this is getting ridiculous. Oregon needs to hire someone from the private sector to figure their shit out because Kulongoski and his cronies are not doing the job.

A part of me also has a problem with the idea of the Federal or State governments putting tracking devices in my vehicle. Yes, the article in question does state that the study in Portland said that while the mileage would be reported the location of the car would be “undisclosed.” I’m calling shenanigans on the whole thing right now because of the word undisclosed. That word means that they have the location but won’t tell the public…yay? Not a cause for celebration.

I’m very much pro keeping the government out of my life as much as I can and this just seems ridiculously invasive.

Here’s to hoping this fails.

Treachery is Afoot!

August 3rd, 2009 by Vincent

The Oregon Commentator was supposed to have a photo shoot with the new President of the University,  Richard Lariviere, today. Sadly, less than a week ago we received sudden notice that the President was canceling our appointment. “These things happen,” we thought. “President Lariviere is probably devastated that he had to forfeit a half-hour with the Commentator staff in order to glad-hand with some local apparatchik, business notable, or member of the Athletic Department.” We understood, of course; important men frequently are required to do bland, unimportant things to keep the wheels moving, as it were.

That’s why it was with a heavy heart that the Commentator learned what President Lariviere was actually doing instead of hanging out with the Commentator:

Nice tights.

Nice tights.

I wouldn’t have been surprised to learn you were in a Morbid Angel cover band… but Motley Crüe, Mr. President? That’s just disgraceful.

Haley vs. Kallaway: Still Beefin’

August 3rd, 2009 by CJ Ciaramella

Word on the street (and not just from anonymous blog comments) is that erstwhile ASUO presidential candidate Michelle Haley filed yet another grievance against ASUO executive Emma Kallaway today. I lost count a while ago; what’s the ’09 grievance count up to?

A man on the street today also told me that McDonald’s new Angus burgers actually use longhorn beef. According to said man, he sent a sample to a lab where his friend worked, which confirmed the non-Angus properties. This man may have been lying/insane.

More updates to come if I can find the energy to give a rat’s ass.

B.A. in Entitlement Studies

August 2nd, 2009 by Vincent

First against the wall.