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Archive for November, 2009

Sad Days in Eugene

November 19th, 2009 by Scott Younker

Sadly, late Wednesday the founder of my favorite restaurant in Eugene, Papa’s Soul Food Kitchen, died of a heart attack.

According to the Register-Guard Ted “Papa” Lee was a well-known musician who helped many local musicians get started here in Eugene. His band 100% Delta Blues Stomp was planning on a west coast tour this year. The man was well known and well respected in the Whiteaker area and by many of the local media outlets in Eugene for his quality food.

The Eugene Weekly blog reported that Lee had been planning on expanding his restaurant’s services into catering and a line of sauces and pies.

If you haven’t heard of Papa’s it is one of the best restaurants in Eugene. The barbecue, atmosphere, and friendly staff were one of the prime reasons that I spent most of sophomore year there. Personally, the Eugene food scene is disappointing. Sure, places like Ambrosia and Agate Alley are good but to be honest they weren’t world-beaters. For the most part Eugene restaurants are good but it’s not like it’s something you’d come back to the city for.

Papa’s, in my mind, is one of those places. It reminds me of hole in the wall joints in Texas and the South where good food is made by people who put a lot of love into their food and you can taste. It’s just good Southern food, and I’m told the Mac and cheese is the best you’ll ever eat (I don’t eat cheese so I wouldn’t know) but I do know that the yams are goddamn amazing. Try the collard greens too, it’s not something you’ll see often in Eugene but it’s good. Not everyone will agree with me, I’m looking at you you soul-sucking vegetarians, but if you’re fan of barbecue than you should try Papa’s if you haven’t.

Have a drink for Papa this weekend because his restaurant is one of the best things about this godforsaken town, even if it is located across the street from Tiny’s Tavern where I assume shanking happens on a nightly basis.

Not Surprising

November 19th, 2009 by D

In October I blogged about attending an OSPIRG meeting, one where we were informed by the UO OSPIRG’s campus organizer (their paid employee) that the UO OSPIRG was being funded through the state of Oregon OSPIRG, which was in turn funded by the SOU and LCC OSPIRG chapters. I relayed these facts in my latest article titled “Lurking in the Shadows”.

A reporter from The Siskiyou, Southern Oregon University’s campus paper, wrote an article with this information–the same I was merely repeating from a paid employee of OSPIRG.

In the article, SOU OSPIRG’s chapter chair Sarah Westover was quoted as saying, “That is completely incorrect” and that “It’s simply not true.” She later added, “I think that it is unfortunate that a small group of individuals in espousing false claims.”

Of course, The Sikiyou‘s article failed to mention that I was not making any “claims” whatsoever. No, I was merely reporting what I had been told by a member of OSPIRG–just as The Siskiyou had asked a question of the SOU-OSPIRG chair, so had I asked a question of the UO OSPIRG representative.

Nevermind the fact that the article could have included a line of questioning with Westover about why students at the UO had been told this apparently “false” information about how the UO OSPIRG was being funded–by its own members, no less.

I relayed this information on to the author of the article, Becky Gilmore, and she had indeed told me that Westover had claimed the opposite of what I had been told by the UO chapter. I then proceeded to tell her that, “Well, one of the two OSPIRG people isn’t telling the truth. The question now becomes ‘why’ ?”

In any case, I’m glad that I could take the fall on this one. Instead of, you know, The Siskiyou actually doing their job by asking Westover the proper questions (since the reporter had been provided with the requisite information). Great work.

As for Westover, she should be aware that I am not making any “false claims”. I’m merely repeating what a paid member of your organization told me, verbatim.

You two might want to get together and get your own facts straight.

Duck-Fondlers, Highlighter Shortages, and Acid Flashbacks: Why Your Team Sucks

November 19th, 2009 by Evan Lisull of the Arizona Desert Lamp

The following is an arranged cross-posting of trash talk between the Oregon Commentator and the Arizona Desert Lamp in preparation for Saturday’s football game vs. Arizona. Don’t like what’s being said? Feel free to trash talk back, and look for our rebuttal posting on the Desert Lamp website, later today. Go Ducks!

At some point between reading the Wikipedia article on “Pete DeFazio” and the UODPS Security Report, I realized that Oregon is absolutely useless and boring and a waste of anyone’s time. The state is known for “mail-in voting” and Portland, which makes Idaho’s “We got dem potatoes!” marketing campaign sound almost appealing.

But the deal was already set. A submission was due! Cry “Havoc!,” and let slip the hounds of gin.

1.PIRG-loving schmucks

Oh, I can already hear the Commentariat whining in protest – “We’ve fought them for years! We exposed them for what they really were! We gave you all of the background material so that you could stop them in Arizona!” Whatever. Somebody had to give them a sense of legitimacy when they were still babes suckling on Nader’s sagging teat, and that somebody is the state of Oregon.

Speaking of taking shit from the worst entities on the face of the earth. . .

2.You gave the world Joey Harrington

As a Lions fan and Detroit-area native, there’s a lot to hate, generally. But Joey Harrington is definitely up on the list.

joey desert lamp

Look at this fucking love connection and its fucking love child

3.Sartorial “Shma-shmortion”

oregon uniforms desert lamp
“Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.”
~University of Oregon Athletic Director Mike Bellotti Oscar Wilde

Stupid people on the internet say, “OMG rly originall making fun of Oregon’s jerseyz.” And of course, being the Internet, this comment is supposed to be sarcastic, and is made in Mom’s basement while wearing battery-acid-colored pajamas.

But look: this is not a matter of originality, or trying to be cute. This is a serious issue that needs addressing. If Congress is having a commission on the BCS , it sure as shit needs to have a commission on this Ralph Lauren fever dream. Where is the FCC when you need them? (Protip: Finding strangers in the Alps .)



“So, dude, for Halloween, I duct-taped fucking wings on my shirt sleeves!”
“Uh, why’d you do that?”
“My mom made me. She thought I might get hit by a car at night.”

This is the college football equivalent of this shirt:

dinosaur desert lamp

Minus, of course, the whole “bad-ass” aspect. In other news, Nike is in the process of designing a duck-beak shaped mouth guard.

5.Back-Brain Stimulants

oregon yellow desert lamp

Something about these uniforms reminded me of this quote:

In the control room the Technician mixes a bicarbonate of soda and belches into his hand: “God damned tenor’s a brown artist!” he mutters sourly. “Mike! rumph,” the shout ends in a belch. “Cut that swish fart off the air and give him his purple slip. He’s through as of right now . . . Put in that sex-changed Liz athlete . . . She’s a full-time tenor at least . . . Costume? How in the fuck should I know? I’m no dress designer swish department from the costume department! What’s that ? The entire costume department occluded as a security risk? What am I, an octopus?

OK, not really. I just got this from flipping to a random page in Naked Lunch . Works though, doesn’t it?

This is what happens to the Notre Dame helmets after Charlie Weis is done with them.


6.Make your own offense-to-all-that-is-decent-in-this-world!

This is a good idea, if potentially dangerous.

Seriously: what the fuck is wrong with your state? Washington has the purple-gold Huskies, and the scarlet-gray Cougars. Kinda butch-femme, but whatever. Meanwhile, fucking Oregon has to go out and have the Chernobyl-yellow-green Ducks play the construction-worker-orange Beavers. Shit like this is why health care is so expensive in this country.

The one thing that hasn’t been said, though, is the fact that UO has only adopted the all-white get-up (white unis, white helmets) on games before Labor Day. Which means that they actually care about shit like this.

Oh, you sad, sad shards of existence.

7.You bastards legitimized Boise State

Everything you needed to know about politics, you learned playing backyard football. And everybody knows that there’s that kinda obnoxious kid, who’s kinda big and probably pretty good. But the kid’s a real fuck – it doesn’t matter why, he’s probably Mormon or something – and nobody wants to hang out with him.

So one day you’re playing football and he says, “Hey, you mind if I play?” You don’t say, “Gosh, gee, sure thing Jimbo! Line up on the left side.” You say, “Fuck you, asshole, we’ve got even teams.” If he plays, and he’s good, you’ll never be able to get rid of him. Ever.

Boise State is that kid of the college football world. They wanted to play with the big kids, and the rest of the country said, “Fuck you, you’re from Idaho.” But not Oregon – nooooooo. So goddamn special. They just had to give the blue-fielded coxswains of the football universe a chance to prove themselves against a “real” team, and they did it – twice.

They were already yesterday’s news – after all the hooplah about beating Oklahoma, they lost to TCU in the fucking Poinsetta Bowl . But like that asshole Brendan Fraser, you just had to bring this national nightmare back from the crypt. (No, it’s not quite as shitty as the Mummy . But it’s close.)

And plus, Jesus Fucking Christ:

boise st desert lamp

This is worse than what Keith Jackson sees in his ketamine binges. (You thought he just ‘retired’? Please.)

8.And you know keeping water fowl, for uh, domestic, you know, within the stadium. . .

ducks desert lamp

Look at these two fucking love-birds

Arizona might have taken away our mascot’s guns , but at least they didn’t cut his balls off and turn him into a Chinese knockoff of a second-rate cartoon:

The nickname for Oregon’s first sports teams was “Webfoots,” coined by longtime Oregonian sports editor L. H. Gregory. The name originated from a group of fishermen from the coast of Massachusetts whose descendants settled in Oregon’s Willamette Valley. When the University of Oregon was founded in 1876, Webfoots was the natural choice for the school’s nickname, because of Oregon’s reputation for wet weather.

Sports reporters later changed the nickname to “Ducks,” and by the 1930s, a small white duck named “Puddles” began to appear to sports events. Beginning in 1940, cartoon drawings of Puddles in student publications began to resemble Donald Duck, and by 1947, Walt Disney was aware of the issue. Capitalizing on his friendship with a Disney cartoonist, Oregon athletic director Leo Harris met Disney and reached an informal handshake agreement that granted the University of Oregon permission to use Donald as its sports mascot.

When Disney lawyers later questioned the agreement in the 1970s, the University produced a photo showing Harris and Disney wearing matching jackets with an Oregon Donald logo. Relying on the photo as evidence of Disney’s wishes, in 1973, both parties signed a formal agreement granting the University the right to use Donald’s likeness as a symbol for (and restricted to) Oregon sports.

‘Webfoots’? ‘Puddles’? Fucking adorable. Too adorable, apparently, for the psilocybin-addled Nike “scientists,” who had to bring in “Mandrake”:

As the story goes, the idea behind the new mascot, which Bartko and other athletics officials call “Mandrake,” spawned from a spring basketball game. When Oregon was in Sacramento, Calif., playing Montana in the NCAA Tournament, athletic officials noticed advantages of having an agile mascot.

Creeps. Apparently, “Mandrake” looked like this.

Nightmare Duck will haunt your local Chinese restaurants

I was hoping that it’d look more like this.


9.They’re gonna kill that poor woman!

Look, I appreciate a good rivalry like any beer-blooded American. But I also understand that there is a certain line in those rivalries. Where that line is depends on what sort of hard liquor is on hand, but no matter what, “kidnapping of women” is on the other side of the line. Apparently, no such line exists in the state of Oregon:

Maybe the most ingenious stunt of all took place in 1957 when four Oregon student athletes, all members of Theta Xi fraternity, decided one night (when they were all bored out of their minds) that wouldn’t it be clever if they could show up at Oregon State’s Homecoming game with Washington State and actually kidnap their Homecoming court.

Which is exactly what they did. Posing as reporters from the Seattle Post Intelligencer, allegedly sent to Corvallis on assignment to do a story on OSC’s game with a Washington school, the three ladies of the court accompanied the “reporters” for a short car ride to Avery Park south of town to shoot photos. Almost right away, the car began heading north toward Salem.

For the next 12 hours the group stayed tucked away at the home of the parents of one of the kidnappers, enjoying a large meal and delighting at how much national publicity the whole story was beginning to generate, including reports that the entire Oregon State football team was out looking for the court. Because Homecoming Queen Pearl Friel was native Hawaiian, it was also rumored that football players from the University of Hawaii were threatening to travel to Oregon to deal with the situation.

This, mind you, is from the Oregon State write-up – topped only by this OSU Alumni summary:

However, the prank of all pranks took place just before OSU’s Homecoming game with Washington State in 1957. Posing as journalists from the Seattle Post Intelligencer, four UO athletes “kidnapped” Oregon State’s Homecoming court members and took them to Salem, where the home of one of the “nappers” was used to entertain the three coeds (the parents of the student had dinner waiting) for over 12 hours.

Because it happened in the ’50s, kidnapping is OK? Actual quote from one of the kidnappers: “We phoned our president’s office and were told that the prank was OK, provided we didn’t break any laws and if nothing ‘physical’ happened.”

You fucking people. Stay the hell away from our women.

10.Your bullshit trail killed Kenny

kenny dead

You bastards!

ASUO Senate meeting review, or “There are a lot of reasons why politics is necessarily detrimental.”

November 19th, 2009 by Alex Tomchak Scott

By setting a zero percent benchmark at its Wednesday night meeting, the ASUO Senate sent a message, loud and clear: “Go Ducks, but LTD can lick my sweaty, shaven nutsack.”

Or something like that. Probably not that exactly, considering that slightly more than half the Senate lacks nutsacks, sweaty and shaven or otherwise. But it was a remarkable act of solidarity with the purportedly bald-scrotumed screamer who frequents campus on his bicycle with attached trailer.

None of the senators who voted for the zero percent Athletics and Contracts Finance Committee benchmark calculated to stick students’ collective middle finger at the Lane Transit District would acknowledge in words that it was calibrated to support campus’ favorite genital depilation enthusiast (assuming Phil Knight doesn’t have a secret hobby). There was something, though, about the glint in their eyes when they said things like “I think we really do some work on it, we could cut a significant ammount of money off of a $1.6 million budget” that said “This one’s for you, nutsack man.”

So LTD Nutsack man, if you’re out there reading this, let it reassure you that, though it may seem you are alone out there, riding in the cold, shouting without knowing whether anyone is really hearing you or the pain in your voice, whether anyone knows just how drenched your testicles are, know that, in spirit, the ASUO is right there beside you. (more…)

ASUO Senate strikes again.

November 18th, 2009 by Alex Tomchak Scott

Desert Lamp Challenge

November 18th, 2009 by Drew Cattermole

The ole’ polects over at the Arizona Desert Lamp have offered up a friendly wager on the upcoming Oregon vs. Arizona football game. If the Ducks win they will buy three of our book, By the Barrel: 25 Years of the Oregon Commentator at full price, with  a memo stating that “Oregon owns Arizona”. If the Wildcats win we will send them three books for free signed “UA rules Oregon.” It’s not the highest stakes, but we are just poor college kids.

This wager has higher meaning for us personally as the Desert Lamp beat us in the blog contest last year. We know that the Ducks haven’t had the best record in Tucson over the past year but we whole heartedly believe that this year’s Ducks are a vastly superior team.

In a weird turn of events the Arizona football team is promoting a “red out” for the upcoming football game. The red out is a response to the “black out” the Ducks pulled off on Halloween night.  It makes me wonder if the UO has higher standards of PC as the black out cause a controversy that led the Bias Response Team to investigate the motives behind the movement. If there was a movement for a red out at Autzen there would be a thorough investigation into the racial implications of  movement  and NASU would be reissuing tickets back to Europe. I can’t wait until the BRT gets word of the Yell-O movement starting on facebook for the Civil War.

Stay tuned for continuous smack talk this week in regards to the wager.

By the Barrel now in the UO Bookstore

November 18th, 2009 by D

by the barrel on a tableby the barrel on the shelf

By the Barrel: 25 Years of the Oregon Commentator is now available for $10 in the UO Bookstore on 13th and Kincaid! The book is featured on a table as you walk up the stairs and also in the “University” section (go straight after the stairs, right corner).

The book sells for $10 in the store or you can order it online through the UO Bookstore’s website ( for $16 shipped to your door. (The book will be added to the site either today or tomorrow).

On a more personal level, the weight of the project hasn’t hit me until today after I saw it on the shelves with a UPC and everything. I’d like to thank everyone again for helping me out with special recognition to Guy, CJ, Owen, Scott, Bill, Fritz, Dane, Richard, Tom, Ossie, Tim, Olly, Drew, Dan, Ed, Mark, Bob, Chuck, Jon, Ian, Tyler, Ted and even the folks at the Emerald.

As always, you are also welcome to come down to room 319 in the EMU and purchase a copy from us as well.


I Smell Roses

November 18th, 2009 by D

(Via Duck Sports News Blog)

David Frohnmayer Loves the Oregon Commentator

November 17th, 2009 by D

Since we’re on the subject of Das Frohn, I thought I’d share a little something we received from the former University of Oregon President after asking him to contribute to By the Barrel: 25 Years of the Oregon Commentator. The following appears on the back cover of the book and as a memo in the first few pages. As always, Frohn held up his end of the bargain in true polecat form.

Picking up a new issue of the Commentator is like acknowledging an unwelcome addictive behavior: It is done furtively, and with a self-loathing shudder. Once more, one can read the juvenile potty mouthed-rants of frustrated student politicos. You gape at the beery indifference to the law of defamation. You read character assassinations that overpower any minimal standard of editorial good taste.

The Commentator is useful every several years to test UO administrators’ resolve to defend the First Amendment in the face of outrageous journalistic excess. It has an alumni roster that shows surprising cases of postgraduate distinction (one wonders that they survived the celebrated lifestyle to graduate at all).

But for the most part, the Commentator should be handled like any other potential toxic: plucked up carefully between thumb and forefinger of a latex-gloved hand, and deposited gently with the recycling, where, by decomposing, it finally can begin to perform a minimally useful social function.

Dave “Das Frohn” Frohnmayer

University of Oregon President Emeritus and Professor of Law

Sent from my iPhone

As usual, please contact us at [email protected] if you’d like to purchase a copy of the book for $10. We are now available to accept paypal as well as check or money order.

Frohn Watch

November 16th, 2009 by de lancie

I have been noticing our beloved Das Frohn around campus so I decided to start a watch. And where better to start it than when he is spotted at RENNIES! extra points to lyzi diamond and I for having lunch near him. Its almost like we ate together! Cool!

OC Book Excerpt: Are You Planning On Pounding Nails With That, Jesus, Or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

November 13th, 2009 by D


Below is an exerpt from Tyler Graf’s portion of By the Barrel: 25 Years of the Oregon Commentator. On the edge about buying a copy? You could do worse for $10.

I was told to maintain wall-eyed concentration on the video camera in front of me while my interrogator spoke loudly in my ear. His deep voice, bluntly condescending, was another distracting touch to an already surreal scene. The hot studio lights. The crummy backdrop of Mt. Hood behind me. And now, that disembodied voice I’d heard so many times before on the TV, railing in my ear. “Okay, well,” he was speaking, “what if there were a publication at the University of Oregon that published cartoons of Martin Luther King Jr. on a cross with an erection?”

I furrowed my brow and gave some response about the ridiculousness of the question. The interviewer –big-daddy Bill O’Reilly himself—was not having it. He sounded as if he wanted to see these images and was disappointed I couldn’t supply him with them.


ASUO Food Drive

November 13th, 2009 by D

Since the next Commentator does not come out before this food drive I’ve decided to post the information here on the website. The Commentator strongly encourages you to go down and donate a can or two.

The Associated Students of the University of Oregon (ASUO) Senate will be conducting a canned and non-perishable food drive aimed at helping to feed hungry families in the Lane County area during the holiday season. ASUO Senators will host tables in front of the Duck Store for two days as they attempt to collect at least 500 pounds of non-perishable food as well as cash donations to donate to Food for Lane County.

The food drive was conceived by ASUO Senate Intern Morgan Henry, who also organized the event. “Because the Senate represents the entire student body, I think it reflects strongly on students when their elected leaders work to help out the community,” said Henry. “Obviously it’s especially powerful to be collecting this food for hungry families right before many of them will be sitting down for Thanksgiving.”

The Senate’s food drive will run for two days, November 17 and 18.

WHAT: ASUO Senate Canned Food Drive

WHO: Associated Students of the University of Oregon (ASUO) Senate, Food for Lane County

WHEN: 10:00 am to 4:00 pm
November 17 – November 18

WHERE: In front of The Duck Store
Corner of 13th and Kincaid Street

The Exploding Whale: An Anniversary

November 12th, 2009 by D

May you rest in pieces.

Oregon Commentator Book Finally Here! Only $10

November 12th, 2009 by D

By the Barrel fresh

250 copies of “By the Barrel: 25 Years of the Oregon Commentator” fresh off the press.

Well, my friends the day has finally come. 12 boxes of our book, By the Barrel: 25 years of the Oregon Commentator arrived this morning and god they look sweet (and heavy!).

They’re hardback, gold foil embossed, with a dust jacket and 24 full glossy pages of color smack dab in the middle. The book is 300 pages of fun and for only $10 it’s an absolute steal (seriously, can you go to Borders and get a book like this for $10?)

Once again– $10… e-mail us, go to the bookstore or mosey on down to EMU room 319 if you actually want to see us face to face. Get an autograph, why not? (Not from me. I’ll make someone else sign it so it makes no sense)

If you’d like to send a check, please make it out to:

Oregon Commentator

1228 University of Oregon

EMU Suite 4

Eugene, Oregon 97401

Last time: You can purchase them from us by e-mailing us at [email protected] or look for them in the UO Bookstore very soon!

Man eats ASUO program whole; appointee escapes unscathed.

November 12th, 2009 by Alex Tomchak Scott

I fear I can’t write something that will do justice to that ASUO Senate meeting. It was “The Storm on the Sea of Galilee.” It was “Don Quijote.” It was “The Four Seasons.” And I? I am merely William Hung, tuneless, charmless, clueless.

Let’s plunge in anyway at a most unexpected commencement: A surplus request from the Holden Leadership Center. Your typical surplus request is reliably boring: a group requests money and then is granted it, typically with some resistance if there is an off-campus conference involved. I poised my hand above the snooze button of my consciousness. Then John Duncan, the HLC honcho, coiled his body round the Service Learning Program, dislocated his jaw, and requested the Senate’s permission to dine.

The Senate, awestruck by his display of serpentine elasticity, mustered little resistance or even comment on the subject, and so Duncan, with surprising efficiency, swallowed the SLP whole, along with whatever money the ASUO allocates to it. This means, of course, transfers the program to the jurisdiction of Duncan’s stomach, which allows students significantly less oversight into how it spends its money than the Programs Finance Committee, which had previously administered it.

And that acrobatic act of gastronomy was merely the first act in an operatic meeting, about which read more below the fold. (more…)