This is so damned hillarious you must see it. Just go watch. You will laugh, I promise.

UPDATE: This proves that Ashland, while pretty, is a town to be laughed at and scorned. Take that, home of foul Lithia Water. For hate’s sake I spit curses at thee!

Let me start with this: I like Steven DenBeste, generally. He’s usually insightful, thoughtful, and reasoned. In fact, I believe that his writing is almost always those things. But, his latest offering simply rambles on and on. He starts with some point about Microsoft, Netscape, and Sun. Mostly that Netscape and Sun made the mistake of telling Microsoft that they were out to destroy it. He says something about boxing…then he talks about D-Day, and how that invasion was kept a secret. Finally, he gets around to his main point: it’s good that the USA did not announce its total strategy in the Middle East right at the start of the War On Terror because that would’ve made said same strategy harder to pursue. His point makes sense, but it takes him FOREVER to get there. It’s worth reading, but skim it. This one’s much too long to read in full.

Other Things Going On:

***Colorado beat Chicago in NHL hockey last night. Yay for that, I’m sure Olly is happy.

***The Sniper Trial started today

***And, lastly, you’ve got to read this just for the headline.

Courtesy of Andrew Hagen. One part of me says yes. Another part of me says meh. Probably the largest part of me says fantastic, just what we need, more terminology. On the other hand, as he points out, there’s a pleasing symmetry in having the “paleo-” prefix apply to isolationists of all political stripes.

I’ve always had a sneaking suspicion that, in order for something to qualify as a political label, there has to be at least one person willing to stand up and self-identify as one. (So “Idiotarian” doesn’t work, kids.) Has that happened with the paleocons yet? I mean, Pat Buchanan’s latest foray into journalism is still The American Conservative, not The American Paleoconservative. Or maybe it isn’t. I tried to go to their website and it caused Mozilla to die, taking with it an earlier draft of this post, so as far as I’m concerned it might as well be called The American Wingnut.

See also Michael Totten‘s discussion. Portland in the house.

I’m a bit late catching this utterly inevitable development, but it seems like it shouldn’t go unlinked. I look forward to a similar project covering the race for the Democratic nomination.

I thought this was sort of funny.

Okay, not really. But, German TV viewers have selected Karl Marx, Martin Luther and Albert Einstein as among the top 10 Germans.

I can see the sit-com now:

Albert: God does not play dice with the Universe!

Martin: Certainly he does not, and that is why the Catholic Church must be reformed.

Karl: What’s that got to do with the proletariat’s struggle versus the oppressive capitalist? He uses the M-C-M process to extract surplus value from the blood of workers!

Albert: I just can’t work under these conditions! I’m going to America, I’ll catch you clowns later.

[Exit Einstein, Right]

Martin: You know…I think I’ll translate the Bible into German.

Karl: Yeah, you do that…now if I could just find a way to get my ideas to the oppressed masses….

[Enter Johannes Gutenberg, Left]

Johannes: You know, I’ve got this device that just might be able to help, I invented it just last week. It reproduces text at an incredible rate.

Karl: Sounds great, take me to this device so I might free the masses from their slavery.

Martin: Can I use it after Karl’s done? I’d really like to disseminate some theses and anti-semitism…err…bibles. Yes, bibles.

Johannes: Sure, sounds good fellas.

Einstein is a no-brain choice for a greatest Germans list. And I’ll even give Luther a (temporary) pass on the anti-semitism given that the Protestant reformation was one of the turning points in human history. But Marx? Okay, yes, I am adverse to his ideology. But, his writing and philosophy made possible the worst attrocities of the 20th century. Read Communist Manifesto or Das Kapital and you’ve got a virtual 19th-century Anarchist’s Cookbook. Violent revolution, confiscation of property…and that’s only the beginning. Call me crazy, but I’d not want to claim him for my country. Silly Germans.

Yeah, the new one. It’s not good. Don’t waste your damn money.

In much more disturbing news. JUMPIN’ JESUS ON A POGO STICK!. Probably the worst case of police misconduct in recent memory. Beating up somebody who’s under arrest is bad, shooting a guy who’s reaching for his wallet is bad, but this takes it. Worse, the locals seem to support the police at least to some extent. Damn, if my kid was involved the school district and police department would be receiving a nice little package labled “lawsuit.” This sort of garbage will continue as long as we let public schools operate on the “in place of the parent” principle. A student’s liberty really does end at the school door, despite the Tinker v. Desmoines ruling…kids can wear a black arm band to school in protest of VietNam, but heaven forbid they expect other constitutional protections from the agents of the state running the schools.

Ahh…David Jagernauth. His latest work is more readable than most of the other Emerald columnists, but it still reads like the inchoate ramblings of a fractured psyche. Okay, maybe that’s a bit harsh, but the guy is rooting for Kucinich. For whom he feels bad because he’s losing to a black woman, and we all know that the establishment of white oligarchs couldn’t stand to have a black woman be president, so it’s pretty sad for a white man to be losing to one! I don’t even know what that line of argumentation is supposed to accomplish. Oh, and be sure not to miss the body of the piece, where he says that the DLC is just another “right-wing” organization. Maybe progressivism really is a mental disorder….

And be sure not to miss the third comment down, the one from Mark. Golden!

Just go read it, it’s good.

Today’s greatest headline is from the R-G, here. Seriously, Teen Accused Of Drawing Rebel Flag On Classmate. That’s one 16-year-old boy in Spanaway, Wa. who is definitely smoking the crack.

Other contenders for this prestigious award included the ODE‘s Ducks Struggle, But Claim Victory In Close Game Against Foreigners. But the panel’s decision is final.

And other miscellaneous things about trade, from Bruce Bartlett at NRO. Enjoy. He’s exactly right, go read the whole thing. Money Quote:

This is evident in the fact that the U.S. ran a trade deficit almost continuously from 1790 to 1875.

I love the smell of anti-protectionism in the morning.

No time to respond properly, but today’s editorial is a beaut. I’ll just take the most egregious bits:

I’m assuming that the ODE is referring to Edward Fitzgerald’s wonderful reworking of the Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam rather than the 11th century (I think) Persian original – in which case the curious reader unversed in Farsi will learn more about being a Victorian Englishman than a West Bank Palestinian. On the other hand, as they go on to recommend that their vast Middle East readership check out Hamlet, maybe this is part of a broader scheme to have US/Middle East understanding mediated through the literature of an entirely different nation.

However, on a more somber note, the board reminds us:

This is no end in itself, and almost certainly won’t in itself stop catastrophic cultural conflict.

You have to love the “almost”.

Anyway, if you’re reading this and you’re a member of the Emerald editorial board, read through Strunk & White’s Elements of Style. Or A La Recherche Du Temps Perdu. This is no end in itself, and almost certainly won’t stop the hilarity from flowing freely, but it’s a really long book and will hopefully keep you out of mischief for a while.

Time for the major bloggers, the ones I don’t need to include links to. Most of us hit Instapundit and Lileks, some of us hit Sullivan and sundry Volokhs, and Bill browses the unsung Lake Charles American Press. Then we disperse into a crowd of Drezners, Den Besten, Little Green Footballs, Atrioses (Atrii?), “Jane Galt”s, Kevin Drums, Mark Steyns, et al – including some five hundred blogs called Somethingpundit.

It’s free refill day at the coffee stand on 13th, so let me throw one more on the heap of things to read – not a blogger, but then neither is Steyn. Tuesday through Friday, Simon Hoggart‘s periodically-linked-by-me parliamentary sketch in the Guardian. It just makes me happy. Here‘s today’s, on cod liver oil and cynicism:

It tasted revolting, but I say this: I have never suffered from rickets, one symptom of which is enlargement of the liver. My liver is enlarged for quite different reasons.

And:

You might think that the real question should be “do you think your problems would be solved by electing a whole new bunch of politicians to be paid handsome salaries out of your pocket and housed in fantastically grandiose buildings lined in brass and maplewood that you will also have to pay for?”

Yes, you might.

If you haven’t noticed already, the new issue is up. It’s good, read it. Seriously, and I’m not just saying that because I’m in charge.

I therefore declare Bush also a pansy. And I only really trust Bush on foreign issues. Yeah, the economy is starting to rebound, and that I think is a direct result of the tax-cut, but that damnable Medicare drug benefit…gah! And, ARGH! Plus, Bush at least likes NAFTA and the WTO, two good things to my mind. Therefore, I declare, that they are Pansies…all of them, and probably Daschle too. Wait, especially Daschle.