More from the Department of Reconciliation.

I read Rall compulsively, but don’t usually bother linking to his stuff, ’cause it’s much of a muchness. I only enclose this one because there’s a golden moment: midway through a rant about how much cleverer he is than all those dopey Bush voters, he gets “red states” and “blue states” mixed up.

He’s not representative of any sane political tendency, but the guy just won’t leave it alone. Between him and his cognates on the right, it’s going to be another great four years.

Ive always liked Dan Savage. Hes never been afraid to hurt feelings. Listen, Lonely In Detroit, so long as you live with your mother and maintain a Farscape website youre probably not going to score much. Thats reality. Forty and Fatherless, dont drag anyone else into you emotional bog. Chained up in the Dark and Begging For Help, youre certainly in a dire predicament, but…

However, this new column of his is like something deleted from the Ted Rall message board for poor taste. If this is to be the lefts new position, then they deserve to lose every national election until the Rapture, when they can finally have their godless paradise.

“Certain distressed liberals and progressives are talking about fleeing to Canada or, better yet, seceding from the Union. We can’t literally secede and, let’s admit it, we don’t really want to live in Canada. It’s too cold up there and in our heart-of-hearts, we hate hockey. We can secede emotionally, however, by turning our backs on the heartland. We can focus on our issues, our urban issues, and promote our shared urban values. The Republicans have the federal government–for now. But we’ve got Seattle, Portland, San Francisco, Chicago, Los Angeles, San Diego, New York City (Bloomberg is a Republican in name only), and every college town in the country. We’re everywhere any sane person wants to be. Let them have the shitholes, the Oklahomas, Wyomings, and Alabamas. We’ll take Manhattan.”

And that was the most rational part of the whole diatribe. Read this and youll never second guess your Bush vote.

Hat Tip: Sully

While waiting for the live broadcast to start at KIVI in Boise, I came across this story on ABC’s 20/20.
A short summary: Aaron Tonken, a man who produced many celebrity charity fundraisers got put behind bars last March for stealing money from the charities that he was supposed to be raising money for. He has now written a book that tells where a lot of that money went.
I have not read the book, but ABC’s report alone implicated Elizabeth Taylor, Arnold Schwarzenegger and, my favorite story, Gerald Ford.
It seems Ford was up to receive an award from one of the charities that Tonken was organizing.
“According to Tonken, Ford was to be paid a $200,000 personal appearance fee, in addition to a $200,000 contribution made to the Betty Ford Clinic. The former president signed a contract, obtained by ABC News, agreeing to the terms, Tonken said… After all the gifts, perks and payments, Tonken said he had no money left for a fancy plaque, so the Spirit of Giving Award that night was an empty flower vase he found in the hotel.”
I saw the video and they really did give the former president an empty vase. Given, every person watching that show thought that it was some kind of expensive crystal. No, it was a cheap vase found in a hotel room.

On the up side, Hillary Clinton might have some dirty laundry to deal with because of this whole thing. New York Post’s Cindy Adams says that, “in Chapter 13 alone there’s enough material to keep a battery of Clinton damage controllers working overtime.”

Click this and scroll down the page until you reach Toby Hill-Meyer. They actually did it. They actually changed his damn pronoun.

Fuck this school so hard.

Just when you though things couldn’t get any bleaker, more terrible news: it seems sociology adjunct Chuck Hunt will not be the last Marxist standing. In the wake of a second Bush victory, he’s off to Canada. (Follow the link to see a photo that should win the ODE some kind of award.) Meanwhile, Eugene media seems to be going out of its way to provide me with Spew today:

The current buzz about an American exodus to Canada is not unprecedented, Hunt said. While under apartheid rule, South Africa experienced a steady exodus of people upset with the overtly racist practices of the South African government.

“That’s the kind of context you can see this in,” Hunt said.

Golly. If that’s the way he feels, I think he should hurry off to Canada without delay. After all, I’d have wanted to get out of apartheid South Africa too!

I must admit, I was rolling my eyes a bit after reading the discussion chez Prophet about Pixar’s shiny new The Incredibles. For fuck’s sake (thought I) it’s a cartoon about superheroes. I defy anyone – even A.O. Scott – to make political hay from this. Are we in danger of presenting superheroes too uncritically in our cartoons? The message that people seem to be picking up from the film – don’t hide your torch under a bushel, get the most you can out of the talents you have, be an individual! blah blah empowerment-cakes – is always timely, but I don’t think it’s particularly (or exclusively) conservative in the political sense. After all (thought I) laments against mediocrity don’t have to be partisan. I’m looking forward to seeing the film, but for reasons that have everything to do with Brad Bird and nothing to do with politics. And so I went about my day.

You know what’s coming next. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Lois Wadsworth, in what may be her finest hour.

I’m troubled by the ideas expressed and suggested here. Is the movie about being reluctant to surrender youth to age or relegate past heroics to today’s ordinariness? Does everyone secretly long to be a young man or woman going off to fight evil? Does the movie say to really young kids that might is always right, bigger and stronger is better, and being different is only OK if you’re secretly an unstoppable power? The American way?

I retract my earlier eye-roll. Clearly, Pixar’s The Incredibles is a sinister tool of the neofascist right, deviously conditioning our children to, um, be superheroes.

But while Helen expresses warmth and thoughtfulness through her relationships with her husband and children, the little boy Dash is getting the message to “be like Daddy,” and that sounds like a conservative invitation to be a warrior to me.

Jesus. I’m always gratified when people write this kind of thing while I’m putting a Spew section together.

It looks like Ashcroft’s successor is going to successfully annoy absolutely everybody.

According to the IMDB, Michael Moores next movie, entitled Sicko, will focus on mental health care in the US. However, todays Variety jut announced that Moore is planning a sequel to his box-office obliterating documentary Fahrenheit 9/11.

Said Moore: “We want to get cameras rolling now and have it ready in two-three years. We want to document and commercialize it. Fifty-one percent of the American people lacked information (in this election) and we want to educate and enlighten them. They weren’t told the truth. We’re communicators and it’s up to us to start doing it now. The official mourning period is over today and there is a silver lining — George W. Bush is prohibited by law from running again.”

If Moore’s film career ever fizzles out, I’m sure he could find a job patronizing and condescending Middle America for the Guardian.

This sentiment is exactly right for Eugene, the office will be getting some bumperstickers courtesy yours truly.

My friend Sam, recently arrived in this country, brings news from home.

The brand spanking new 32-page Back to the Booze! extravaganza is finally available for downloading from this mechanical Interweb site. To mark the occasion, we have decided to break the website. Any and all graphical features are down for retooling. We ask our readers to use their imaginations, like people had to do when looking at websites in the old days. (Our readers who still use Lynx will notice nothing.)

But the PDF is there in the usual place. Seriously, it is. It’s right over there. Click on it if you don’t believe me.

UPDATE: Some of the graphics seem to be back. Also, there are apparently riots in Portland that have brought the MAX trains to a halt. Can these events be unrelated? Normal service will be restored as soon as we get back from the bar.

UPDATED UPDATE: Not to tempt fate, but everything seems to be working again thanks to Tim and Sho.

While I’m happy to talk about gay marriage – one of the few political issues in this world that I find entirely unproblematic – ad nauseam in the comments section, the most surprising thing I see in the news today is that Measure 37 is passing.

As the saying goes, now it gets interesting. I can’t actually believe that this measure means exactly what it appears to be saying. So if the city of Eugene expands, and property values near the original growth boundary decline as a result, someone is liable to pay the landowners the difference? Does this work the other way? If the state can establish that their actions increased the value of your property, do they get to pocket the cash? Even without that last bit, it still sounds like insanity, but as a wise former Editor once said: “I’m just a guy with one kidney – what do I know?”

Most depressing feature of the election for this non-voter: All eleven states with gay marriage on the ballot went against it. I’m sure Bill Bennett (see below) is delighted.

Well, so that happened. It was, on balance, slightly less exciting than watching baseball. However, the morning after, it’s hard not to feel a little like Cartman at the end of the Scott Tennerman Must Die! episode of South Park; just lapping up those sweet, sweet tears. I can only imagine that Ted Rall is not updating his blog owing to his head having exploded.

But who is this approaching from over the horizon? It’s not… it is! It’s Bill Bennett! And what does he have to say?

Having restored decency to the White House, President Bush now has a mandate to affect policy that will promote a more decent society, through both politics and law.

Uh-oh. Anyone else getting a sinking feeling? O ye lovers of freedom: don’t let the intoxicating bouquet of those tears lull you into complacency.

This is a momentous day, my friends. Today we enter the crucible of democracy, to test its boundaries and to examine its foundations. Today we come together as citizens (and curious visitors) to gauge our values and to discover their true worth. One more chapter is behind us. Today we begin another journey.

That’s right, it’s the start of the NBA season.

For anyone following any other event that may be taking place today, leaked exit polls have Kerry looking good in some surprising places – although exit polls also had Gore winning handily in 2000. If Kerry wins the electoral college and Bush wins the popular vote, as some polls are predicting, the reaction from both camps is going to be tremendously amusing.

Before I throw my hands up and retire to the bar, here are some wise words from Jesse Walker:

Tomorrow, barring another recount mess, we will have a president-elect. I can’t tell you his name, but I can tell you a few things about him. He wanted George Bush to have the authority to launch a war in Iraq, and he probably would have invaded whether or not there were weapons of mass destruction there. He thinks the Federal Election Commission should strictly regulate political speech, and he thinks the Federal Communications Commission should strictly regulate non-political speech. He supported the Patriot Act, the No Child Left Behind Act, and the Aviation and Transportation Security Act, and he will not be parsimonious with the public purse. He’s a child of privilege who acquired great wealth without earning it in the marketplace. And I didn’t vote for him.

See you on the other side.