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Archive for the 'Worthless' Category

Moss Street to be paved for parking lot

November 25th, 2011 by Rebecca

The UO, with the consent of the abutting property owners, applied for the vacation of a portion of Moss Street extending from East 15th Avenue to East 17th Avenue. Moss Street is located just east of campus, but you’re probably not familiar with East Campus, because it’s opposite West Campus—the area in which you either live or party or both. You can find Moss Street in the shadow of Matthew Knight Arena, and along it you can find the site of the new East Campus Residence Hall, an exquisite gravel parking lot, a couple of houses converted into UO offices, and the sad, displaced Moss Street Children’s Center.

The Eugene City Council held a public hearing Monday night with the Moss Street ordinance first on their agenda. Four people stood and spoke on behalf of the ordinance, three of which were a tri-part UO tag team: the VP of Finance and Administration, the assistant VP of Student Affairs, and some landscape architect. They each presented a few reasons why vacating Moss Street was in the “public interest.” They claimed that the purchase of Moss Street is part of the UO’s “strategic effort to steer parking away from its surrounding neighborhoods,” allowing the UO to transform Moss Street’s 60 parallel parking spaces into 107 head-in parking spaces. The benevolent UO also says that they really just want to “lessen the burden” on the city, repair sidewalks, add better lighting and maintain the landscaping themselves.

At the hearing, the public produced only one person in opposition, a certain Zachary Bishnoff, “former” UO student and concerned citizen. Zachary moved us all with some of that lukewarm, quintessentially Eugene, stick-it-to-the-man rhetoric we all know and love: this will turn the historic Fairmount Neighborhood into a suburban office park, how does UO know what is in the public interest, I have a ponytail and a mustache, blah blah blah. Well to mine and the UO tag team’s surprise, and I think to Zachary’s as well, the council responded to this plea and voted to delay the vacating another two weeks, giving time for further deliberation and for anyone else to submit their concerns to the council.

Adjourned, bitches. Democracy at a local level throws an eensy-weensy wrench in the inexorable gears of the University of Oregon and its malicious encroachment upon the city of Eugene. Well, you can bet that I’ll be submittin’ nothin’ to the council in my allotted two weeks. You know why? Not only does the UO already own all property adjacent to this portion of Moss Street, but the UO’s gonna fork out a cool 1.8 million to the city of Eugene for those ugly 1.35 acres (58,729 square feet). I just know that number makes Mayor Kitty Piercy purrrrrrrrrrr. Today I walked down Moss Street myself and I couldn’t even tell I was off campus. Call me indifferent, but I hereby conclude that the UO’s motion to purchase part of Moss Street is not that big of a deal. But read the ordinance and form your own opinions here.

 

Black Friday

November 23rd, 2011 by Melissa Haskin

This is a public service announcement:  With all this riffraff about the 1%, don’t forget the true meaning of Thanksgiving: standing in line outside a chain-store at 1 a.m. the morning after, eating left-overs and looking like Rudolph because it’s freezing.

Just please don’t have as many Red Bull and Eggnog’s as these guys:

Falling Down On the Job — A “Bike-Friendly” University’s Attempt at Campus Planning

November 3rd, 2011 by Ashley

Sometimes, in the midst of such prominent debacles as the “arming DPS” argument, the STFU contention, and the “raises disproportionately given to administrators over faculty” snafu, we become blind to the smaller, everyday failings that regularly come to pass on the UO campus. It’s the little things that make life worth boggling over: like, for instance, the impressive display of poor planning that currently resides outside PLC.

For those of you who know nothing about the English/Economics/Cinema Studies/nine-story hodgepodge building, the relevant information is thus: the front of PLC has two small fences positioned at its forefront which function (like every other grounded object in Eugene) as great bike racks. Given their position beside one of the University’s largest lecture halls, these fences have been used as such for many years, and without incident. However, this practice has recently been dubbed unacceptable, and public safety has declared that all bikes attached to these fences will be impounded. It’s all right, though, because they have graciously offered up an alternative mode of bike lock-up.

Yeah.

Again, it must be noted that there are starving children in Africa, and all things considered this is a small issue. However, one should also consider that this is a small, constant reminder of a larger administrative problem. Transportation is, for the vast majority of students, a daily concern, and the University’s shortcomings in regard to it are apparent. How many student editorials have been written about the lack of parking on campus, or the need for more, and more secure, bike lock-ups? In some ways the University has responded well, but in others–such as knocking out entire parking lots with the bureaucratic equivalent of a halfhearted shrug–attention to the issue has been lacking. In this case, the fact that the bike rack in question was delivered in this shape and manner is arguably worse than if nothing had been put in place at all. Getting rid of space for students to park isn’t new; getting rid of it and then replacing it with with an all but intentionally half-assed stand-in really seems to illustrate how many shits campus planners seem to give.

Thankfully, it would at least seem that some pedal-possessing rebels aren’t taking this injustice lying down.

Cycle on, freedom fighters. Cycle on.

South Africa celebrating record breaking rhino poaching year.

November 3rd, 2011 by Spencer Madison

The BBC reports that although an impressive 333 rhinos were poached illegally last year, this year enterprising criminals have already killed an all-time record topping 341 of the critically endangered creatures. Whether or not they will continue darting them and sawing off their horns for black market export is yet to be determined, but it would be safe to assume that given the profitability of the deed and their desire to make 2011 a real record holder, it will go on. Rhino horn is used for a lot of pseudo-science nonsense, be it bullshit medical cures in Vietnam, trendy ornamental daggers in Yemen, or simply using it instead of a damn Aspirin in Chinese Traditional Medicine. Still, the demand for what is basically just fingernails continues to skyrocket. While South Africa may have the largest black and white rhino population on Earth, rhinos are slow to reproduce and populations tend to respond poorly to being left to bleed to death. South Africa’s government has started a study to find out whether or not legalizing the trade could help bring down poaching… you know, by making the killings not technically poaching. This solution should really help save not rhinos, but South Africa’s credibility in the face of being completely unable to protect one of the greatest parts of their country’s biodiversity and basically the only tourism draw they will likely ever have.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-15571678

Evolution has nothing to do with science.

November 1st, 2011 by Shaggy 2 Dope

Shaggy 2 Dope is the Oregon Commentator’s science blogger. A guest contributor who is not a student, Shaggy enjoys music, professional wrestling, playing with his children, and anti-social acts of violence. He writes every week in response to JoAnna Wendel’s Oregon Daily Emerald science column.

Hello friends. I’m sorry it’s been so long since we last spoke. I realize that my nemesis, Oregon Daily Emerald columnist JoAnna Wendel, has published two articles since I issued a public challenge to her and I have not responded. I intend to. I’d say that being a multi-platinum recording artist, record label-founder and all-around renaissance man is demanding, but that’s no excuse. I’ll try to be on time next week, but here are my thoughts on Wendel’s work this week.

Wendel’s first column alleges that a new “species” of human has evolved. “Collegius baconus” is supposedly its name and Wendel says it has evolved in visible time, and that she’s surprised. Well, of course a scientist would be surprised.

What they don’t realize is that evolution is one of life’s little miracles, like looking into your son’s eyes after he gets into his first hockey fight or the little yellow powder that makes Funyuns so salty. “It’s just salt dude!” they’ll tell you. Maybe they’ll say, “Evolution is a natural process,” or, “Your son displays early signs of psychosis.” But no, scientists, who, as I have already elaborated, are all motherfuckers, are always trying to leech the magic out of miracles like evolution.

They are making me so pissed.

Everyone knows evolution has nothing to do with scientists. If scientists had their way, we probably never would have heard of evolution. Evolution: it’s something human beings have known about since the beginning of time. If we’d left it up to scientists, they’d probably tell us evolution is caused by “chemical imbalances of the brain” or “too much drinking” — just a few of the outrageously false explanations the medical scientists with which which I’m forced to talk try to come up with — and they’d be wrong.

Evolution is a miracle. It has nothing to do with science. You can’t explain it, just like you can’t explain what’s inside Fonz Pond.

Fonz Pond

I’ll tackle Wendel’s other article a little later. Shaggy out.

Famous

August 30th, 2011 by Melissa Haskin

Look look, this random website says we’re the #20 most awesome (Twitter) person in Eugene.

See at the bottom?

Victory alas,

To Rennies to celebrate this momentous moment!

 

 

Drinkin’ That Haterade: Profs Rated Seventh Worst by UO Students

August 10th, 2011 by Kellie B.

According to a survey taken by the venerable Princeton Review, UO students have graded their professors, and it’s not a passing score. Out of twenty schools ranked on their “Professors Get Low Marks” list UO is rated seventh, ahead of Cal Tech, Purdue-West Lafayette, and Washington State. The Princeton Review bases their list off of online surveys collected from about 122,000 undergraduate students during the 2010-11 school year.

The students were asked simply, “How do you rate your instructors as teachers?” and the ratings given were used to formulate the best and worst professors from around the country. It seems like students, who are receiving grading themselves from the very professors they rank, may be a biased demographic to survey, however, its doubtful that a prospective freshman will be capable of that kind of critical thinking.

Will this affect enrollment in the coming years? Unlikely, as most students are attracted by our football team. Class is for dweebs!

More info:

http://www.registerguard.com/web/newslocalnews/26664238-41/college-students-review-colleges-university.html.csp

http://www.princetonreview.com/schoollist.aspx?id=739

 

On Liberal Pathways to Prosperity with a Rehash of the Same Information Every Two Pages

May 26th, 2011 by Melissa Haskin

A study recently released by the Harvard Graduate School of Education seeks to solve the growing disconnect between the job market and academia by focusing on job training and education.

With barely half of the students enrolled in four-year colleges completing their bachelors degrees in six years and even less completing an associates degrees in three years, it is evident that college-prep should not be the only focus of High School. Indeed, many students drop out because the relationship between their courses and possible jobs is blurred.

This is not only a problem in High School, but college as well. With the variety of courses required for graduation being confusing at best and alluring course offerings like Zombies in Popular Media, Philosophy and Star Trek, and Lady Gaga and the Sociology of Fame, one can easily be distracted from reality. Moreover, the connection between education and career can be befuddling— what can you do with a history or Latin degree? What kind of job can you get a bachelor’s degree in economics?

What’s more, while Community Colleges face lower funding, they often produce graduates that earn more than those who earn a degree from a four-year university. “Pathways to Prosperity”, the study recently published by the Harvard Graduate School of Education reports, “27 percent of people with post-secondary licenses or certificates—credentials short of an associate’s degree—earn more than the average bachelor’s degree recipient.”

Professor Vedder of the Ohio State economics department made similar comments in his October article “Why Did 17 Million Students Go to College?stating ” the growing disconnect between labor market realities and the propaganda of higher-education apologists is causing more and more people to graduate and take menial jobs or no job at all” noting that more than 317,000 waitresses have college degrees.

(more…)

The Student Insurgent: Sex trafficking is greater than or equal to hate speech.

May 22nd, 2011 by Lyzi Diamond

The Student Insurgent, in a surprising turn of events, is actually doing something. I would be proud, if their actions weren’t entirely asinine.

First, they hosted a guest speaker last week who advocated sex trafficking. No joke. From their blog:

War on Terror & War on Trafficking:
Why Irrational Panic over ‘Modern Day Slavery’ Harms Women

Thursday May 19th, from 6-730pm in Condon 104, University of Oregon.

Presented by Emi Koyama, War on Terror & War on Trafficking examines “facts” promoted by the anti-trafficking groups and “experts,” and exposes how they have distorted our conversations about sex trafficking and prostitution and harmed women, sex workers, immigrants, and others.

The presentation also explores many ways in which the new War on Trafficking resembles the so-called War on Terror in its worldview, approach, and devastating impact on vulnerable communities. […]

Come to find out why:

• Average age of entry into prostitution is not 12-14 year old
• 300,000 children are not at risk of being trafficked
• A third of runaway youth are not trafficked within first 48 hours
• Super Bowl and World Cup did not contribute to human trafficking
• Portland is not “Pornland, Oregon”
• “End Demand” approach targeting “johns” harms women
• Anti-trafficking “experts” should not be trusted (remember Bill Hillar?)
• Trafficking is often the State’s excuse to raid immigrants and communities of color
• Anti-trafficking movement distorts reality and misleads public policy

Clearly, the Student Insurgent advocates sex trafficking. The Commentator will be looking more into this story, including whether or not the Student Insurgent is housing underage, trafficked prostitutes in their office. Look for that next week.

Additionally, as I was walking by the Commentator distribution rack outside McKenzie Hall this afternoon, I saw this flier sitting on top of our HATE issues in the rack:

You know the Commentator. Constantly committing acts of ableism (which, and I’ve looked through our archives, I can’t find), objectifying women AND men, and generally slandering our fellow students.

Any responses to this flier should not only be directed to Dr. Shang (who, by the way, won the Professional Baller Tater Award last year) but also to us at winthings@oregoncommentator.com. Best response receives a Sudsy t-shirt and a hug from me and Sophie — AT THE SAME TIME. How can you say no?

On a more serious note: free speech, bitches. Deal with it.

EDIT: I can’t be sure this flier was indeed placed by the Insurgent, but based on the conversations I’ve had the last week, I can only guess.

CDC releases zombie survival guide, OC rejoices

May 19th, 2011 by Ben Maras

The Center for Disease control wants you to be safe in the case of all possible. Including cannibalistic undead uprising. On Monday the CDC released “Preparedness 101: Zombie Apocalypse,” urging Americans to think of the safety of themselves and their loved ones in the unlikely case of a ghoul situation.

There are all kinds of emergencies out there that we can prepare for. Take a zombie apocalypse for example. That’s right, I said z-o-m-b-i-e a-p-o-c-a-l-y-p-s-e. You may laugh now, but when it happens you’ll be happy you read this, and hey, maybe you’ll even learn a thing or two about how to prepare for a real emergency.

Whether one calls them ghouls, zombies or just “the infected” is a matter of semantics, of course. As the article points out, the term “zombie” originally came from Haitian / voodou origins, and referred to a reanimated corpse brought back by some form of necromancer to follow the evil priest’s will. But realistically, that isn’t the sort of zombie you’ll be up against in the case of undead infestation. More likely, it’d be Night of the Living Dead-style ‘ghouls’: slow, stumbly groaning monsters with a penchant for human flesh. (more…)

Feds uncover Bin Laden porn stash

May 14th, 2011 by Ben Maras

American officials have uncovered what appears to be Osama Bin Laden’s porn stash in his Abbottabad compound, and it’s “fairly extensive” according to Reuters. While the contents of the hard drive haven’t been leaked by Wikileaks / Anonymous yet, an unnamed source told the news organization that the collection consisted mostly of modern, digitally recorded videos. This, despite the fact that he lived devoid of wired Internet and phone connection to the outside world, and relied on flash drives and Internet cafes to send messages (and, apparently, collect porn).

There’s no word yet on where in the house it was found, or which rooms were wired for viewing pleasure, so there are a lot of questions remaining. Was it his personal collection, or a shared spank bank to help quell insurrection and improve morale of the troops? Avi, or Mpeg? What sort of porn is a fundamentalist nutjob in to, anyway?  The world may never know / care.

What we do know, is that it’s only a matter of time until someone starts blaming he evil porn that corrupted his mind and drove him to jihad.

My bet is for Pat Robertson.

 

Did the Ol’ Dirty ever have class?

May 12th, 2011 by Lyzi Diamond

“Well, that’s embarrassing.”

That was my reaction when I opened to the opinion page of the Oregon Daily Emerald today and found this:

Top 10 Ways you know you’re Republican

Whether you’re a gun-toting Texan or a money-hogging oil tycoon, the GOP has enough emphasis on “good ol’ American family” to make you idolize people like Ronald Reagan and George Bush.

If you don’t know whether you’re a Republican at heart, we have 10 signs that show that you are indeed a Republican.

1) Your idea of a tea party consists of 40-year-old men with guns
2) You’re pro-child and against educating them
3) You still think Barack Obama was born in Kenya
4) You believe Judgment Day is May 21
5) Women’s Rights?
6) The thought of things trickling down turns you on
7) Sarah Palin? Michelle Bachman? Total RILFs, bro
8) You’ve gone through three divorces, but you think gay marriage will ruin the American family structure
9) You think Dick Cheney is a good hunter
10) Your news is fair and balanced

Let’s let alone for a minute the fact that the Emerald opinion desk wouldn’t know subtlety or humor if they walked up and introduced themselves. Let’s also let alone the fact that there are so many better things the Ol’ Dirty could have put in that space that students would have cared about. (While we’re at it, we can also ignore the gross misspelling of Rep. Michele Bachmann’s name, although it will serve to illustrate my point.)

This list shows a complete lack of knowledge or understanding of the Republican Party and what it’s about, especially in Oregon.

I am a registered member of the Oregon Republican Party, and a proud one at that. I am a member because of the three things the Oregon Republican Party stands for: accountability in spending, protecting our environment and protecting our schools. The misspelling of Rep. Bachmann’s name was not the only flaw in the severely misguided column; it is clear that when it passed through the opinion editor’s desk, it was never fact checked, not even a little bit.

Not every Republican is a tea-partier, a birther or a social conservative. We’re not all religious nuts, and we don’t all blindly stand behind elected leaders from our party.

Republicans identify as such because we believe in fiscal responsibility and civil liberties. We believe that all our constitutional rights should be exercised to their fullest extent, including the right to keep and bear arms. We believe in national defense, a free market and energy independence.

We believe in making a better America for all citizens.

At the Oregon Commentator, we publish blog posts and articles that are based on facts. We make fun of people, too, but it is always warranted and has a point. And we make sure to fact-check our pieces to the fullest extent, especially if we’re going to call someone (or a group of someones) out.

I would implore the folks at the Ol’ Dirty Emerald to, in the future, do some fact-checking, research “humor” and find some class. That is, if they haven’t strayed too far from it already.

I’ll leave you with three reasons it’s awesome to be a Republican:

1. Save what you make. Keep what you earn.
2. Avocados, papayas, bananas and every other fruit and vegetable that isn’t grown in the Willamette Valley (nom).
3. Teddy Roosevelt. Enough said.

EWEB Diagnosed With ADHD Scheduling Power Outage to Rid Some Energy

May 9th, 2011 by Melissa Haskin

Power outage at 4:30 a.m.? Usually no biggie. Except this is college; where people actually do homework at 4:30 a.m. Anyways, EWEB is planning one, something about “de-energizing.” That doesn’t sounds fishy at all….*cough. From the EWEB website (also available via KVAL):

May 9, 2011

EWEB plans morning outage to repair power line

Eugene Water & Electric Board customers in the downtown area and the university district will experience a short power outage early Tuesday morning while electric line crews briefly de-energize a transmission line.

The outage will begin at about 4:30 a.m. and is expected to last 30 minutes or less.

EWEB line crews will de-energize a section of the utility’s 115-kilovolt transmission line in Alton Baker Park to make repairs that could include replacing an insulator.

This particular section of line first drew attention on April 28, when a great blue heron caused a flashover that resulted in a one-hour outage for parts of downtown and the university district. Early Saturday morning, another outage occurred. The outage lasted about 75 minutes and a troubleshooter traced the problem to the same section of transmission line.

p.s. This means your power is going to go out i.e. your alarm is going to reset itself when turned on, so do yourself a favor and use the alarm on your phone.

Nanny bill runoff

April 15th, 2011 by Ben Maras

This installment of Oregon news briefs is all about nanny bills. Special thanks to the Oregon Legislature for plenty of fodder via their vaguely-sexualized obsession with getting involved in other people’s lives.

Despite the fact that we already have anti-littering laws, cops are complaining of a lack of enforcement when it comes to flicking cigarette butts on the ground. Their plan: make a new crime, and classify “unlawful disposal of a tobacco product” as a separate littering offense that would carry a $90 fine. Current laws do cover cigarette butts, but are seldom enforced, possibly because “offensive littering” carries potential jail time, and is sometimes considered too harsh.

(more…)

Newsflash: EWEB Hates You

April 13th, 2011 by Melissa Haskin

I love you so much I made you a news poem and don’t even complain about my rhyming, you know you like it:

Yay,

beginning in May

you get to Pay

3.3% more for power AND

6.9% more for water.

With an average increase of $2.85

You’ll just have to give up all hopes of ordering yourself a Wive

(oh, shut up, I was making a rhyme, no one likes the letter “F” anyways).