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Starving Vegans are Good for Oregon

As seen in an article on

The percentage of Americans with bulging waistlines is growing in just about every state, with residents of Alabama joining the obesity ranks the fastest. Only Oregon failed to fatten, according to a report released Tuesday.

The sheer number of tofu-tarians around Eugene and Portland could easily account for this. Just walk into a place like 5th Street Public Market or anywhere else where they have a few shops that sell lots of non-animal products and take a look around. Go to one of our fine vegan restaurants, cafes, and grocery stops, and observe. You’ll find it’s hard to tell some vegans from famine-stricken third-world citizens. Some are ultra skinny with sunken eyes, and carry facial expressions that convey a state of malnutrition-induced lethargy.

Thanks, vegans, for helping Oregon stay skinny!

  1. Michael G. says:

    Oh, I’ve not forgotten them. In fact, I’ve invented a little game that might appear in a future issue. The Tweaker or Vegan Quiz.

  2. Danimal says:

    Let’s not overlook the valued role methamphetamines have played in this. For every four Oregonians who gained 10 pounds in the last year, there’s one zoomer who lost 40.

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