It has come to our attention that the University of Oregon is now growing opium poppies on campus. Two specimens of Papaver Somniforum have been spotted behind the Knight Library. Clearly someone sees some value in these plants, which look for all the world like large weeds, because there is now a sign requesting that these “flowering plants” not be removed. The questions arising from this situation are endless… are these Afghan beauties for Das Frohn’s personal stash, or is the U of O going to ditch the education game entirely to concentrate on the more profitable pursuits of football and heroin production?

This story will almost certainly culminate in an unhappy ending. These beautiful and potent plants want only to live, survive, and someday create delicious poppy seeds, but as wikipedia notes “Possession of any part of non-‘low morphine’ Papaver somniferum other than the seed is outlawed in the United States and is listed as a Schedule II controlled substance by the Drug Enforcement Administration.”Unless we truly are on the cusp of becoming a narco-University, these beautiful specimens will probably be destroyed by some University maintenance worker.

We believe in the right of these entities to live full life-cycles, free from violence and the persecution of the DEA. We have named the larger of these two poppies “Dopey, the friendly campus opium poppy,” and we will keep our readership abreast of all developments in this story. Please, President Frohnmayer, prove your commitment to botanical diversity and save these oppressed and marginalized species.

This entry was posted on Sunday, June 3rd, 2007 at 20:22 by Niedermeyer and is filed under Booze, Campus, Crime. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.