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Sudsy Wants You to Join the Oregon Commentator

New Issue, New Arena

The Oregon Commentator presents its first issue of 2008. Read on for excerpts, or click on the cover at the top right to view the PDF.

From the Editorial:

For the past 30 years, University students have allowed themselves to be defined by external forces. Until the student body and its socially driven government learn to process the changing environment around them, they will continue to have little influence and little representation, and therefore little potential, in the campus community.

From a business report, “The economics of Finding a Mate at the Bar”:

The arduous undertaking at hand should begin with a clear understanding of the concept of scarcity. Much to the chagrin of many a fraternity man, the female species is not an unlimited resource; the stock is not replenished as easily as planting the seeds of your favorite lentil. Therefore, a finite supply of women means that there may not always be enough to go around, so to speak. Keep in mind that time and money are also classic examples of scarce resources. The essence of the scarce resource should always remain in the back of your mind as you make decisions while “chasing tail.”

From CJ’s commentary piece, “You damn hippies should be thankful for capitalism”:

That’s the beauty of capitalism. If you’re smart enough, you can make a living (or at least survive) by doing practically nothing at all. In fact, it’s possible to live completely on the waste of other people. It’s called dumpster diving; check it out.

From a feature on the new basketball arena:

“This is what we do for a living,” said Kilkenny, a major fan of Las Vegas and Cabo San Lucas, earlier in January. “We don’t write newspaper articles or teach classes. We merchandise college athletic teams. We’re very good at it. That’s why we have a confidence level in our ability to repay the debt comfortably.”
Frohnmayer told students the new arena will have the same “blue collar feel” as Mac Court.

All this and more inside.

  1. Ian says:

    This will be sweet because it will once again prove the immutable truth that there is no room in the ASUO for moderates.

    I’m pretty sure all the campus moderates were purged sometime back in 2006.

  2. osa insider 2 says:

    osa insider is full of shit. We are not running

  3. Niedermeyer says:

    Hmm… smacks of socialism, but anything to get elected, right? Hey, and if nothing else Drew will definitely become the second funniest politician to use tons of graphs… after Perot of course.

    Here’s a little trip down memory lane…

  4. CJ Ciaramella says:

    Ted wrote:

    “Speaking of which, any word on the OC ticket?”

    Drew is going to be running on an “Otter Pops for all” platform.

  5. Michael G. says:

    You know, I think that “Graphs By Drew” has outdone my drawings in my piece in V. 23 #2.

    Excellent issue!

  6. Niedermeyer says:

    Is it me or is anonymous “insider” information all the more awesome when delivered at 3:30 am on a saturday night? Still, if Kari is around to lock up the programs vote Kate Jones will have to take her rightful place in ASUO history as this years Jon Rosenberg. This will be sweet because it will once again prove the immutable truth that there is no room in the ASUO for moderates.

    Speaking of which, any word on the OC ticket?

  7. osa insider says:

    we are back

  8. osa insider says:

    kari and tri are runnng too


  9. Niedermeyer says:

    This is the kind of Commentator issue that made me a fan in the first place. I haven’t read everything all the way through yet, but I’m already in need of a new pair of Depends.

    Thanks for brightening an old mans day!

  10. Tom says:

    Get this guy (above me) off of our site. He is fucking stupid.

  11. A Concerned Libertarian says:

    Another great work.

  12. Jake says:

    I think Drew should draw graphs in every issue from now on.

  13. Ossie says:

    Of course it can.

  14. Timothy says:

    The second Kilkenny in the first sentence of that last quote can go.

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