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Interview With A Commie

It must be the first day of school because those “radical Marxists” are out at the entrance of the University again, pushing their commie rag on polisci undergrads. Usually I just pass by them with a frosty stare, but I noticed they had a wide array of hilarious signage this year. To wit:

I was quite intrigued by this, so I decided to ask one of the people at the table about it. At first he was reluctant to talk to me, saying that they do not usually do interviews. I only managed to quote him by promising anonymity. Apparently the revolution will neither be televised nor on the record. There’s a transcript of our enlightening conversation after the jump.

OC: I noticed your sign, and I was wondering if you could explain to me how capitalism equates to “sexism, racism, exploitation and imperialist war.”

Commie: You don’t know how capitalism relates to imperialist war? Man, what was WWI, the first large imperialist war, about? Why did it start?

OC: Well, I don’t know. It was, uh, kind of complicated.

Commie: [Launches into diatribe about “spheres of influence” and “parity between empire and colonies” … or something.]

OC: Okay, but I’m still not understanding how the voluntary exchange of goods and services results in sexism, racism, etc.

Commie: You think it’s voluntary?

OC: I believe that’s the going definition.

Commie: Yeah, of capitalism. You think it’s voluntary if you’re poor? You think you have a choice to work?

OC: [Points to local joke-meister Frog across the street]

Commie: Yeah, well, Frog I guess … Hey, you should consider a $10 subscription. It would really piss people like you off.

OC: Hey, I’m just asking some questions. [Decides not to mention the inherent contradiction in selling subscriptions and fighting for socialist revolution.]

Commie: Yeah, well, capitalism is wage slavery. You can quote me on that. [Turns back to table, ending conversation. Time is money, as they say.]

I never got a chance to ask him why, if capitalism is the root of these problems, countries such as Cuba, North Korea and China are such “bastions of freedom and equity.” Oh well, maybe next time.

  1. CJ Ciaramella says:

    Hey, baby, why don’t we head back to my place and seize the means of production?

  2. Ian S. says:

    seriously though, “Have you ever thought about Marxism?” is a great pick-up line.

  3. Vincent says:

    I wonder what those folks, what with their “AMERICA OUT OF AFGHANISTAN” signs think about this lovely piece of prose from Hizb ut-Tahir:

    There is no doubt that Pakistan’s military arsenal and hardware doesn’t overshadow that of America, however, a Pakistan, possessing nuclear weapons, missiles technology and half a million brave soldiers who are ready to attain martyrdom for Islam, is in a good position to injure and bruise an already battered America to an extent which she cannot afford to stomach right now.

    American bases in Bagram and Doha, which America will never wish to be in danger, are within Pakistan’s striking range both through our fighter planes and missiles. Had America attained the capacity to annihilate Pakistan with ease it would have done it long time ago. In fact the only way to destroy Pakistan is to implode it from within.

    It goes on to talk about re-establishing the Caliphate and fostering “the craving for martyrdom in 160 million people”.

    The so-called “Red/Brown” coalition of “anti-imperialists” and fundamentalist Islam is troublesome, to say the least. It’s unfortunate that such explicit calls for “martyrdom” by a “Pakistan possessing nuclear weapons” will almost certainly be explained away as an understandable “resistance” to imperialism — if it isn’t simply ignored outright.

  4. CJ Ciaramella says:

    You mean the Eugene Weekly?

  5. Timothy says:

    You should mention that a local capitalist rag gives itself away for free. Heh, pinkos.

  6. Vincent says:


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