Again, apparently the only (write-in) candidate gracious enough to give a girl an interview.

Name

Ben Schorr

Year in School

Freshman

Major
Undeclared

Hometown

Portland, Oregon

Tell us your slate, ever so briefly. And more importantly, provide a succinct yet compelling set of sentences that aim to rationally persuade us to adhere to it.

Boy, you Commentator girls and your vocabulary. After googling the term “slate,” I learned that it means a fine-grained gray, green, or bluish metamorphic rock easily split into smooth, flat plates. So, I can tell you that I have absolutely no slate in this election. After further research I discovered that succinct means short, not what happened to the dinosaurs. If only dinosaurs were still around today. A man can dream…

Which inadequacy or injustice at the UO keeps you up at night the most? How do you plan to remedy this?

I believe it’s outrageous that there is no room 420 in the residence halls. I expressed my concerns on this matter in an announcement that I submitted to the Oregon Commentator earlier this year. It is my goal that by the year 2014 EVERY room be #420.

Without listing experience, what’s so special about you anyway? Why are you doing this?

Oh, thank God you didn’t ask for experience. I’m special because I can represent the voice of the every man, and I will do this by not talking very much. Because really, most people don’t care about this stuff anyway.

Students have found that ASUO elections rouse a kind of futile discourse consisting of many “empty promises.” To quote Shakespeare, candidate promises truly sound like “much ado about nothing.” Obviously there’s a lot to be done at the UO, but let’s not forget how short an executive term is. Slates aside, what are your principal, feasible priorities?

That’s a great question. Though I will work my hardest in many different ways to keep the UO an alright place, mostly, I can absolutely promise you and my fellow students one thing. I will eat a tuna sandwich at least a couple times in the upcoming months. What does this have to do with the UO? Nothing. Will this help anyone? No, probably not. But is this the honest-to-God truth? You bet your ass it is. With Ben Schorr, what you hear is what you get. I like to set my goals low that way I don’t disappoint anyone. Ya know, I like the sound of that. Here’s the new slogan, “Ben Schorr: Expect to be Disappointed.”

Although the ASUO is one of the most established student governments in the country, a majority of the UO student body remains apathetic (and annoyed) during elections. If you could speak to these apathetic students in particular, what would you tell them?

I’d tell them to GO F&*K THEMSELVES, this is my life!

And now for the most pressing of inquiries: As you may or may not know, we’re all about the booze here at the Commentator. If you could have a drink with anyone, who would it be and what would you be drinking? Be very specific.

As I have expressed earlier in this interview, I long to roam with the dinosaurs. Therefore, I would choose to drink with any kind of dinosaur, a drink of their choice. It could be anything; seriously, I’d drink my own piss to meet a dinosaur.
But let’s be more realistic. I would drink alone, as per usual. My drink would consist of the tears of my enemies, mixed with Jager. Followed inevitably by my own tears, but I’d rather not talk about that part. Then more Jager.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 4th, 2012 at 17:13 by Hailey and is filed under 2012 ASUO Elections, ASUO. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.