Every act of masturbation kills up to 500 million unborn lives. Every sperm is sacred! Just like abortion, masturbation murders soulless cells. There should be parental notification prior to masturbation.
Are they a juvenile abuse of the voters guide? Probably:
Behold! Electoral theology prepares the way for a state god! We’ve got the beaver for a state animal. Wouldn’t it be cool to elect our very own Oregon state god?
But are they hilarious in a crude, juvenile way? Hell yes:
The Bible says that children who fail to honor their parents should be stoned to death (Exodus 21:17). Implementing biblical law as Oregon public policy could effectively eliminate teenage abortion, appendectomy, shaving, and sperm-murder.
His emphasis, not mine. Anyway, consider this another insightful abortion debate open thread!