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Hate crimes up 8%; no word on love crimes

The FBI just reported that hate crimes across the country rose 8% in 2006. However, if you read the AP story, it becomes obvious that some of the rise is due to statistical tomfoolery. The number is affected by the amount of participating police agencies, which fluctuates from year to year, leading to a (surprise!) fluctuation in the amount of reported hate crimes. But since we’re having such a good time playing with statistics, I thought I’d throw out a few of my own.

  • The average decibel volume of Rev. Al Sharpton’s voice rose by 11%.
  • Outrage and solidarity jumped sharply by 20%.
  • Rentals of Boys Don’t Cry rose by 7%.
  • Hate crimes in the South fell by 95% after the inclusion of “queer stompin” and “keepin’ the darkies in line” categories.
  • White guilt rose 5% nation-wide, followed by a 3% rise in confusion about where to funnel said guilt.
  • Stocks fell across the board, except for Ready-Made Protest Signs, Inc.

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