Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore
For those of you who haven’t bothered to thumb through the Oregon Ballot Measures Voters’ Pamphlet, allow me to direct your attention to one of the funniest and most expensive practical jokes in recent memory.
One “M. Dennis Moore” apparently shelled out $1,500 to reserve the first three slots for arguments in favor of Measure 36, the proposed constitutional amendment banning gay marriage in Oregon, for no other reason than to mercilessly parody every bible-thumping ad that would follow. An excerpt:
Where will it all end? After 6,000-some years of frightening attacks on old traditional values, will history never cease to unfold? Will God never stop throwing all of these radical social changes at us?
My friends, there is a simple answer. All you have to do is
VOTE TO TURN THE CLOCK BACK!
It’s really that simple!
Now, which one of these radical social changes will this measure turn the clock back to? Oh, come on, let’s just
LEAVE IT TO BEAVER!
See all three ads, in full, right up top here. Then, hell, scroll and compare. And, as you read the real religious arguments in favor of Measure 36, ask yourself: Do they have anything to do with government? Should government have anything to do with what marriage is or should be?
Hi, Umm…hello, yes, JL, you should meet our good friend Mr. Satire.
I’m guessing that most people here are Christians. Even if you’re not, it doesn’t matter here. I’m a Christian. I’m not quite sure what the heck is wrong with M. Dennis Moore. Gay have feelings too and no one- I mean no one, has the right to belittle someone like that…
Melissa:
You are absolutely right about the law, but I saw a newspaper article about the actual M. Dennis Moore and there’s no reason to believe he’s not using his real name.
My suspicion at first, however, was that the name was actually a reference to a Monty Python skit about an inverse Robin Hood: “Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore
Riding through the land
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore
Without a merry band
He steals from the poor
And gives to the rich
Stupid bitch”In retrospect, I don’t know why I thought that — it’s awfully obscure — but hence the title of the post.
Jasmine:
HETEROSEXUALBREEDING.COM, from the second ad, is also real.
i just went to the site mentioned in the secound to last slot “LETS VOTE”, http://www.oregondogma.com, and it IS a real website! some of the stuff is pretty hilarious, but it states his REAL veiws, also.
My bad. M. Dennis Moore. They could put J. H. Christ on there and it would probably go through. With even more outrage, might I add.
Dan: Searching the ORS 251.255 text, it does not state anywhere that the author must use his/her real name, or a real association. I really hope there isn’t really a “Traditional Prejudices Commission,” but I wouldn’t be suprised.
Shortly below:
251.265 Author of argument, authors organization and disclaimer to be included in voters pamphlet. The Secretary of State shall include in the voters pamphlet on the page of the printed argument on a measure the name of the person who submitted the argument, the name of the organization the person represents, if any, whether the argument supports or opposes the measure, and a disclaimer in substantially the following form:
I don’t think that’s the person’s real name. Michael Moore is a common name, but in this case, perhaps used purposefully to invoke a popular target.
Questioner: No. I think it should be obvious from the fact that M. Dennis Moore is actually funny, but that’s just me. He’s a real Oregonian who has apparently done this in our voters pamphlets for years now.
Greg’s comment above sheds light:M. Dennis Moore has been doing this since 1992, when his Special Righteousness Committe got a bunch of arguments in favor of Measure 9 in the voters pamphlet. I was 10, but I remember funny stuff about eternal damnation awaiting people who eat oysters, shave their beards, or wear mixed-fiber clothes.
In each election cycle with an anti-gay measure on the ballot (1992, 2000, 2004), he’s done exactly the same thing. He sponsors a bunch of arguments in favor, makes sure they’re first by waiting in line bright and early the first stay statements are accepted, and usually putting another argument in right before the filing deadline, so he gets the last word. Each time proponents of these measure get worked up, saying it’s unfair and that he’s abusing the process. It might have been a legitimate surprise in 1992, but people should be used to it by now. Pro-Measure 36 people who, in 2004, were caught off guard are just morons.
Nope. Just a coincidence. You see, there isn’t enough Michael Moore in the world, and so…
I’m not even finishing this.
Get a clue.
Is M. Dennis Moore an alias for Michael Moore the film maker?
Mr. Dingo,
Did you eat my baby?
(Note from Sho: Blacklist accidentally deleted this comment, so I’m reposting it.)
M. Dennis Moore,
Your juvenile mockery of our voting system, is a complete disservice to the decades of military personnel who died to protect our democracy, that you so obviously take for granted.
It’s supposed to be an informative booklet, that is supposed to attemp to help people make (hopefully) rational decisions on issuse that will effect the lives of millions of people. It’s not your personal casting-call for ‘Comedy Central’. GET IT?!
I’ll bet that most hard working people (of which, you probably can’t relate to) don’t appreciate having to wade through paragraphs of the lies and misdirection that you hide behind the title of “satire”.
Please go climb back under that self-important little rock of yours, and stay there.
You, sir, are an idiot.
WHO CARES! Everyone needs to relax and let others do whatever they want to do. None of this really matters if you think about it. It is just our narcistic nature that make us animals think we are worth something more than the chemicals and water that we are made of. Relax people! There is no God, no Devil either. That stuff is just a bunch of make believe like the Boogie Man or Santa Claus. But, I guess children beleive do in that kind of stuff. Oh now I get it! Now I see why people are religious. They are still children with small, simple minds! Well at least we can’t argue about that!
Andy: Right, and the Klan isn’t anti-black, it’s just for the white man. Bah.
Greg, what was anti-gay about measure 9? Did anyone read it? It said pro-homosexual arguments could not be made in school, but it didn’t ban the teaching of that lifestyle choice.
It’s Moore’s right to have his opinons printed, especially after he paid $1500. Would anyone actually want someone to vote if they DIDN’T understand it was a satire??
BTW, I saw hir for the first time yesterday!! i didn’t stop to intoduce my self though…late for class..
M. Dennis Moore has been doing this since 1992, when his Special Righteousness Committe got a bunch of arguments in favor of Measure 9 in the voters pamphlet. I was 10, but I remember funny stuff about eternal damnation awaiting people who eat oysters, shave their beards, or wear mixed-fiber clothes.
In each election cycle with an anti-gay measure on the ballot (1992, 2000, 2004), he’s done exactly the same thing. He sponsors a bunch of arguments in favor, makes sure they’re first by waiting in line bright and early the first stay statements are accepted, and usually putting another argument in right before the filing deadline, so he gets the last word. Each time proponents of these measure get worked up, saying it’s unfair and that he’s abusing the process. It might have been a legitimate surprise in 1992, but people should be used to it by now. Pro-Measure 36 people who, in 2004, were caught off guard are just morons.
Pizdof:
Not sure why I’m responding to this, but . . .
Our veterans died for our right to engage in satire, too. It is a vital and enlightening part of political discussion, often saying more with less than an exhaustively reasoned and detailed argument can. See Rehnquist’s opinionHustler v. Falwell, on satirical cartoons:Despite their sometimes caustic nature, from the early cartoon portraying George Washington as an ass down to the present day, graphic depictions and satirical cartoons have played a prominent role in public and political debate. [They] have undoubtedly had an effect on the course and outcome of contemporaneous debate . . . From the viewpoint of history it is clear that our political discourse would have been considerably poorer without them.
Measure 36 is a juvenile mockery of our initiative system, no sense not mocking its supporters.
And you, sir, have no sense of humor. Good luck living past 65 with an attitude like that.
And get those kids off my lawn! Lawns aren’t fun! They’re serious! Arrrrrrg grumble grumble damn kids.
Reading the arguments in favor of Measure 36 in the Oregon Voter’s Pamphlet today turned out to be the most hilarious thing I’ve seen in years. For a second there, I thought this M. Dennis Moore was serious, until I realized it was savagely funny satire! How he managed to sneak this stuff in boggles my mind, and I’ve no doubt he has managed to enrage a majority of Oregon voters… I can only imagine the howls of sanctimonious outrage that must be coming from those who feel strongly about the seriousness of this proposed measure. All I can say is: thanks for a good laugh! Certainly not your average boring voters pamphlet!
IT’S CALLED THE CAPS LOCK BUTTON, FOLKS!!!!!!!!!!!
(and you aren’t any more convincing when it’s on.)
This is starting to sound like a referendum on Daylight Savings Time.
VOTE TO TURN THE CLOCK FORWARD!!!!!!!!!!
I LOVE RELIGION!! IT LETS YOU GET AWAY WITH SO MANY THINGS. GOD IS DELICIOUSLY EVIL!
I LOVED THESE AGRUMENTS IN FAVOR OF MEASURE 36. I WANT TO SCREW MY BROTHERS WIFE AFTER HE DIES!!! YEAH!!
packsoldier: It is possible to do both, you know. I’ll address arguments in favor of Measure 36 til I’m blue in the face, but humor works too . . . for those with a sense of it.
Sure. If you can’t address your opponent’s arguments, why not set up an absurd straw man to poke fun at?
Praise the Lord, now I know how to vote on 36!
The best is,
And if a man dies without leaving a male heir, it is his brother’s responsibility to impregnate the widow (Genesis 38:6-10). If he refuses, he shall be fined one shoe (Deuteronomy 25:5-10).
M. Dennis Moore strikes again, in the second to last slot, for the “God for Oregon Deity PAC.”
These…
“COMING SOON TO A THEOLOGY BALLOT NEAR YOU:
Shall baptism be by sprinkling, pouring, or dipping? Let’s vote!
Shall adulterers be stoned to death (Leviticus 20:10)? Let’s vote!
Shall obnoxious religious-right hypocrites be allowed to marry? Hell no! Let’s vote!
How many angels can dance on the head of a pin? Hey, let’s just vote!”
…were my favorites.