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Bush/Kerry: Now Less Than Ever!

Praise the Lord, voter-registration season is over. I am sick unto death of people asking me if I’m registered yet. I am sick of explaining to people that I’m not a citizen. After a while, I started just saying “no” and glaring. Then I started claiming to be a felon. Then I started telling them that voting was for losers, and that violent revolutionary change was the only way forward. In all, I’m glad the deadline for registration has passed before this process could evolve any further.

Of course, had I the great responsibility of casting a ballot in this fine republic, I have no idea where I’d cast it. My Bush animus shows quite a bit – in short, the phrase “culture of life” brings me out in a rash – but in fairness I’ve noticed that the applause lines of Kerry’s speeches tend to have me knocking my head against the bar, as well, beginning with “I will not privatize Social Security!” at the convention. Now, I don’t seriously expect either candidate to do anything to fix, say, Social Security – but when it’s an applause line, something has gone wrong somewhere.

And on the wonderful things that Kerry predicts will follow from a $7 minimum wage, I can’t snark it better than Jacob Sullum:

If the minimum wage can work this sort of magic, why not raise it to $100 an hour? Then everyone would be well-off, with plenty of spending cash to stimulate the economy.[Yes, it’s a reductio ad absurdum. Don’t care. Still funny. – ed.]

A hypothetical vote for Kerry would, then, have me hoping for him to win and then be completely ineffective in office, which seems unsatisfactory to me. On the other hand, a Republican Congress would presumably grow some teeth with a Democrat in the White House. (I can’t believe No Child Left Behind would have passed in this scenario.)

Mmph. I know some of the answers already, but I’d be curious to know how you denizens of our comment sections are planning to vote. After all, in your cases it’s actually a meaningful decision.

  1. Danimal says:


    For President, my brother actually voted for “That guy who made the voice of KITT on ‘Knight Rider.'” Hey, better than Nader!

    He wrote me in for “some county seats.”

  2. Blog says:

    Bush simply isn’t an option for me so I’ll have to go with the other one.

  3. Eric Cook says:

    I had my friends write me in for that vacant lane east soil and water board position on the Oregon ballot.

  4. Danimal says:

    My brother’s writing me in. Can’t stand either of ’em. Which at least makes him one member of the military not voting for Bush.

  5. Timothy says:


  6. Timbo says:

    /me has not yet been reillusioned by the political process. Therefore, I reminisce on a simpler time, and cry out, “Vote for Sho!”

  7. Timothy says:

    Bush, same reasons as The Prophet mostly. And while I think Kerry could be an instant Carter, well, we all saw how well that worked the last time around.

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