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One For The Pantheon

It’s happened. It’s finally happened. After years of waiting – years in which I was not sure I would be around to see this – it is upon us. If you are one of our curious liberal visitors wondering how one could become so alienated as to be uncomfortable with the seemingly innocuous term “liberal”, if you are reading this outside Eugene and think that we’re just making this shit up, even if you never bother to follow the links in these damn posts – then you must read this.

I present to you the Ultimate UO Story. Bar none.

I can’t even Spew it. I’d have to Spew the whole thing. It’s pure gold.

Background? OK. Last year the term “Vagitator” was coined to describe the protestors surrounding the Women’s Center production of the Vagina Monologues. The story’s comedy potential got it some attention nationally (the Volokhs, in particular), and this must have pleased the participants, because this year they sound like they’re shooting for cable news.

“The fact that they had auditions means that some people are automatically excluded.”

Yes. Yes, it does. Just read it. If this story is for real, and not something Gabe Bradley has made up for giggles, it may be the greatest thing I have ever seen in my life. Meanwhile, student groups are being asked for their input on the cast list. Needless to say, I have suggested Tyler for a role.

  1. Clint T. says:

    I think the best thing about this EMU poster of great links to reduce my Mortgage and whatnot.. is that he/she/it rehashes old articles that I would have never read otherwise.

    I know someone has to go around and clean up the crap this person drops.. but I’d just like to give’em a thanks.

  2. Melissa says:

    Are we intolerant/ignorant/mean just because we don’t agree with you?

    The issue at hand is not hostile vaginas. It is the fact that the University of Oregon has once again fostered an environment where the most basic of societal norms has been torn apart at some random group’s whim. No, not women. Not black, other gendered or plus sized women. None of these people are the issue here.

    The issue is the solution: how can you have a theatre production that doesn’t hold auditions? That voids the entire definition of theatre, 1) talented 2)entertaining 3)performing. Notice that when theatre productions are missing one or more of these things, it becomes a bad production. What has been proposed is a realistic, not entertaining, no-talent production. I won’t pay a dime to go see on a stage what I can hear bitched about in class.

    People just need to stop being offended, and the Women’s Center needs to stop speaking for all women. They don’t speak for me: I wouldn’t set foot in that dungeon. I pride myself in being a person, not a whiny vagina.

  3. Timbo says:

    I’ve spent quite a bit of time in theatre buildings (not at the UO, but several other places). This whole conflagration reminds me of a Boston Public episode where a couple sued the school when their son, widely regarded as the most talented actor in the school, did not receive the part of Abraham Lincoln in the school play. Because he was black.

  4. Timothy says:

    If you don’t think I understand hostile vaginas, you have another thing coming.

  5. sara says:

    No one writing on here understands exactly what happened last year or what is happening currently, do you? The assy Emerald articles from last year didn’t come close to capturing the issues. But this is where you got your info? How much time do you spend in the Women’s Center? Or the theatre building? Yeah, the Dec. article was putrid, but at least there is some attempt being made to talk about necessary and important issues (not that the people writing on here think these are important issues, but some people do). Do you take anything seriously? I just don’t get it when people write a million opinions about something there is no way for them to know about unless they were directly involved. I’m sure you’ve heard it before and I’m sure you’ll happily defend yourselves, but I hope you know that you personally hurt people with your ignorance, failure to want to understand the issues at hand and lack of compassion.

  6. Auditions Are So Patriarchal:

    Early this year, I blogged about a controversy related to The Vagina Monologues, in a post titled “Life Imitates The Onion.” An excerpt:

  7. ajb says:

    College has nothing to do with “life”.

  8. Melissa says:

    I know this probably won’t be appreciated, but here goes:

    Does the non-discriminatory theatre imitate life, or does life imitate non-discriminatory theatre?

  9. Stan says:

    When will they realise that to produce truly “real” theatre, they need to throw off the oppresive shackles of auditioning, casting, directors, scripts, theatres, audiences and talent?

  10. ajb says:

    That was you by the library?
    Sorry about that whole “Get a job, ya dirty hippie” thing.
    There are so many protestors, I just stop reading the signs after a while..

  11. Timothy says:

    Where’s that DV cam when you need it?

  12. Melissa says:

    Maybe when you have something in “moderately attractive disillusioned co-ed fed up with overly politically correct theatrics” you can let me know. Until then, I’m duct taping myself, nude, to the western most entrance of the Knight Library in protest. Have your people call my people. We’ll do brunch!

  13. Melissa says:

    You know, I would, but I don’t feel that the part of “slutty desparate actress” really represents me.

  14. Timothy says:

    No, but I would.

  15. ajb says:

    Melissa –
    “Demise of the Penise” is the new play I am producing.
    Would you like to see the casting couch..?

  16. Melissa says:

    “I could monologue about my penise all day.”

    Penise, eh? Is that a new term for the community that doesn’t like to call their penis by a gendered term?

    Does it rhyme with ‘demise’? The demise of the penise? I like it, ajb. I like it.

  17. John says:

    Casting by soliciting nominations is one step toward creating an inclusive play but to really go all the way they should also do the directing by appointing an inclusive group of directors. Set design should be by popular vote. Better yet they could just give scripts to the audience and do nightly public readings. Can you imagine anything more powerful than 300 people mumbling through the Vagina Monologues?

  18. ajb says:

    Of course, then I’d have to be able to spell “Penis”….

  19. ajb says:

    Stan –
    I could monologue about my penise all day.
    Not sure I could get people to pay for it though…

  20. Casey says:

    There is no way that these morons don’t realize how worthless they are. And for Christ’s sake, can some bull-dyke at least write a new standard in lesbo theatre? On second thought, disregard that. “Will and Grace” already stole my gay mafia treatment; I wouldn’t want anyone muscling in on my lesbian cartel screenplay.

  21. Stan says:

    Since I can’t start a new comment, and I think Olly would approve:

    There’s been a recent spat of racism chants (=”monkey noises”) in Spanish/English clubs recently aimed at black players. There’s also been a lot of other reported comments and hand-wringing editorials. Leading to this….

    Quoted from (where football=soccer)

    An Even Newer Variation On An Old Theme
    As reported previously, It seems “some of my best friends are black” just isn’t sufficient as an excuse for racism anymore.

    We’ve had “Some of my best friends are coloured” (David Speedie), “My vicar was a black guy” (Ron Atkinson), “He is not a racist at all – he employs a black driver” (Robert Kilroy-Silk’s secretary), and “I’ve even invited black people to eat at my table” (Luis Aragones).

    We even thought that but David Sullivan had trumped the lot with:

    “I am not a racist. My business partners, the Gold brothers, are Jewish, my solicitor is Jewish, my accountant is Indian and one of my best friends is black.”

    But oh no. It gets better. Reports The Independent:

    ‘The players of La Liga side Getafe will play their next home game with their faces blackened with shoe polish to prove the club is not racist.’

  22. Stan says:

    I want to pull out quotes from the article and mock them, but it would take too long, probably comprise the entire of the article and probably prove to be unnecessary.

    I think the ODE is trying to starve the Commentator out of business by writing self-mocking articles. Damn them.

    Also, this probably answers any questions I had about what I thought was a slight political lean-to-the-right on your part.

    I don’t suppose there’s anyone out there with the (excuse me) balls to do an all-male version of the Vagina Monologues?

  23. ajb says:

    I’d like to do some vagitating.
    Wink. Wink. Nudge Nudge..
    Freshmen girls, please meet me at …


  24. Melissa says:

    Well, if they had the “Penis Monologues,” that would just be too much patriarchy. What slays me is this pretty little excerpt:

    …”the producers will inform a potential actor that a particular part is a “queer role” and ask, “Do you feel that this represents you?”

    And here I thought acting was about the talent to pretend to be something…you…aren’t… but logic just falls by the wayside on this one.

    That, and the bit about “the plus-size community…” because last time I checked, there was no cohesive group of plus-sized individuals who gathered regularly. And if there is, they didn’t ask me to join! The plus size community is excluding me! Fie, fie!

  25. Timothy says:

    Oh deary me…heh. You know, I think men are really underrepresented too, as well as those who can’t act, and non-UO students. AND THE DEAD! Dead people have no representation in this production! We must Vagitate!

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