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Vagitation Continued (Hidden Message Edition)

On February 15, ODE columnist Gabe Bradley wrote a column in which he lambasted the Vagina Monologue for its blatant suckiness. I’ve read better critiques of the yearly twat twaddle, but it was refreshing to read this kind of criticism in the Emerald, if only because I could sense the imminent onslaught of angry letters to the editor.

So let the vagitation begin.

In today’s ODE, student senator and O.C. nemesis Sarah Wells insinuates that Bradley is missing the point.

“I wonder if [Bradley] has sat next to any of the audience members who felt uplifted by the performance, who cried at the sad stories and laughed at the funny ones … ?”

Well, probably not. But what is this, an applause system? Is one man’s objective opinion immediately devalued because an audience was easily placated by simple platitudes and tired clich´┐Ż? That’s a rather cocky rhetorical argument, Sarah. And it certainly isn’t smooth, motherfucker.

  1. Timothy says:

    I can get myself off pretty fast, ja. But I was thinking that if you’re not spending more than 15 minutes on your partner you’re a selfish jackass.

  2. Melissa says:

    You can send that $20 to the office. If it isn’t there in 15 mintues, there will be consequences.
    One calorie = 4.18400 Joules. Link is not work appropriate

  3. Clint T. says:

    I was talking about self-pleasing techniques. If it takes you longer than 15 minutes, I’ll personally contribute $20 towards the ‘Silver-Bullet-For-Mel’ fund. If it takes Tim longer than 15 minutes he’s lying or gets interrupted a lot.

  4. Timothy says:

    I was thinking the same thing.

  5. Melissa says:

    “playing with them for 15 minutes will not making me climax.”

    15 minutes? If we’re relating nipples to clitori, it had better be longer than that.

  6. Clint T. says:

    “Although, if Discovery Health Channel is to be believed, female orgasm moves the cervical opening in such a way as to increase the likelihood of impregnation.”

    Yea, I’ve read/seen the same thing. As far as males nipples go.. we do have the underdeveloped ability to lactate, and as far as a clitori reference.. my nipples are probably more sensitive than most (yes, you did want to know that), but I can damn well guarantee you playing with them for 15 minutes will not making me climax.

  7. Timothy says:

    I’ve never heard of a “niptoral hood”, so I’m guessing no.

  8. Andy D says:

    so very wrong..and no!

  9. Melissa says:

    “I’d like to refute this thusly: Male nipples.”

    I agree. I dated a guy long, long ago, who had pierced nipples for that exact purpose. Now, extend that: are men’s nipples the equivalent of having two clitori on your chest?

  10. Timothy says:

    Although, if Discovery Health Channel is to be believed, female orgasm moves the cervical opening in such a way as to increase the likelihood of impregnation.

  11. Timothy says:

    Men can lactate, excess abuse of pot sometimes causes this, as does gynochimastia.

  12. Stan says:

    Something that always bothered me in the introduction to the Vagina Monologues, where it makes the claim that the clitoris is the only organ in the human body who’s sole purpose is (sexual) pleasure.

    I’d like to refute this thusly:

    Male nipples.

  13. Timothy says:

    Rather, people who wish to become sexually aroused ever again.

  14. Timothy says:


  15. Tyler says:

    I must admit that I’m terribly disappointed that I missed Anne Leavitt’s monologue, about a woman’s first orgasm. The monologue was titled “The Flood”.

    So for those of you at home, create a visual picture out of these terms: Anne Leavitt, orgasm and “The Flood”. Who wouldn’t want to see that?

  16. Danimal says:

    Well, come back for the 10 o’clock show if you want me to go blue.

  17. Clint T. says:

    ::mild applause::

  18. Danimal says:

    When she said that, Mayor Piercy was actually referring to her first City Council meeting.


    Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here all week.

  19. Clint T. says:

    Can someone make a joke out of this for me?

    “Do you realize what an honor it is for the mayor to participate in an amateur theatrical production?”

    I mean, by itself it already made me laugh.. but I know someone’s got something to juice it up a bit.

  20. Tyler says:

    Um, no, Tim … I mean objective. You can have an “objective opinion” …

    But criticizing the oft-criticized Vagina Monologues was not really the point of my post.

  21. Timothy says:

    I think you mean subjective opinion.

  22. Melissa says:

    Ha. You think Gabe’s opinion is scathing? Wait until you see mine. Look for it in the next issue.

    I’ve had classes with Natalie Mays. She does not, so very not, represent my vagina.

  23. Big M says:

    It’s pretty simple, really.

    The Vagina Monologues are quite boring, and in fact, don’t show a sense of empowerment to women and other things. It makes them look cheap.

    See, I’m not about preoccupation about the body parts, even though I could be considered a fan myself. I am more interested in the obscure things that NOW and other groups (which I’m sure Mz. Wells is apart of) find totally revolting, like the ability of a woman to join a man in cooking, and working together.

    That’s what I look for. Mz. Wells can go suck on a lemon.

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