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Positive Sides of the Water Outage

As noted yesterday on the ODE website, there’s been a severe water outage on campus for the past two days. Many buildings on campus, including Knight Library and the EMU, have had such low water pressure that flushing toilets or using water fountains is impossible. As of 10:00 AM this morning, Facilities Services still does not know what the problem is being caused by. And as one would expect, there’s no notice on the UO or Facilities Services websites that there is a significant problem on campus. After all, you wouldn’t want to let prospective students know that the University can’t keep its basic infrastructure maintained.

But while a lot of negative nancies are looking at the downside to this (oh boohoo, you can’t use the restroom– that’s what Pioneer Cemetery is for you sissy), we at the Commentator like to look at the positive side of things:

  • A water outage? Sounds like a good cost-cutting measure. Who needs running water when you can have Ozomatli, a new basketball arena, and multiple days of remembrance? Spending money on infrastructure while there are special interests to satiate is hurtful and racist.
  • It’s good for the environment. Every time you commit a hurtful and selfish act of defecation, millions of bacteria and countless gallons of water are wasted. Flushed away, if you will. This is water that could have gone to something useful, like a pizza party.
  • Water is primarily used in gendered restrooms on campus. These gendered restrooms, which are based on the old, puritan, binary genitalia’d model of society, were hurting our campus to the core. If these patriarchal devices can no longer be used then they can no longer oppress.

There, now don’t you feel better that you have to walk half a mile just to take a piss?

  1. Doomscheissah says:

    My god…you didn’t do what I just think you did…

    You referenced JUDGE DREDD!


  2. Jared says:

    “These gendered restrooms, which are based on the old, puritan, binary genitalia

  3. wow says:

    hahahaha! you don’t even understand how funny this is…mostly because I know people who would seriously make these arguments AND believe them. hah

  4. Ian says:

    Yeah, for Neil Goldschmidt.

  5. Timbo says:

    Not to rain on your parade or anything, but I have to say that co-ed bathrooms are pretty cool.

  6. Timothy says:

    I think you should just start pissing on the new business school. That’s what I always did. That building is MINE!

  7. Ian says:

    I should note that I certainly hope professors will take reduced caffeine consumption and increased bladder discomfort into account when making out their final exam curves.

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