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Oregon legislature proposes final solution to indoor smoking

Yesterday the Oregon Senate passed S.B. 571, which would ban smoking in all work spaces and public places, by a margin of 18-12; the law would include the last havens of indoor smoking in Oregon – bars, bingo halls and bowling alleys.

The Senate vote fell mostly along party lines, with Republicans taking up the opposition. Senate Minority Leader Ted Ferrioli called down thunder and lightning to smite the bill. He compared smoking to other decidedly unhealthy practices, such as drinking, being a lazy pile of lard and sky-diving, none of which are currently prohibited by state law (yet).

“Oregonians don’t need senators to make their life choices for them,” said Ferrioli. “Welcome to Nanny Land.”

Critics of the bill also cited the economic impact of the ban on the State of Oregon. The state would lose $20 million in cigarette tax revenue, according to the Legislative Revenue Office.

Big, whining crybabies, such as the American Lung Association of Oregon and the Tobacco-Free Coalition of Oregon, celebrated the Senate’s decision as victory for public health, but as the classic argument follows, who goes to bars for their health? Furthermore, have any of the senators ever been inside a bowing alley? You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. Bingo halls, from what I’ve discerned, are only frequented by people waiting to die anyways.

Listen, my mom smoked like a chimney when I was a kid, but you didn’t hear me complaining between bouts of chronic bronchitis. Nope, I sucked it up like a little trooper, so I don’t want to hear anybody complain about having to sit 10 feet away from a smoker in a well-ventilated bar. Bitch, please!

  1. Steve says:

    The bill will pass and the law will go into effect. It should have happened years ago, but better late than never.

  2. Ian says:

    …and somewhere, Mike Godwin flinched.

  3. Anthony says:

    I hope this bill doesnt pass.

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