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Sudsy Wants You to Join the Oregon Commentator

So who exactly is a burden on society?

Here’s a surpisingly topical and nauseating story: a group of 20-30 teenagers attacked two Hispanic men Thursday night, throwing stones and kicking them while reportedly yelling things like “go back to Mexico!” According to reports, the two men were sitting in a park near Salem, minding their own business, when the mob assaulted them. In addition, the teenagers also trashed the car of one of men. Police arrested one person at the scene, 18 year-old Austin Greenwood, who was charged with second-degree assault, riot, first-degree criminal mischief and being a minor in possession of alcohol. A boozed-up Greenwood offered an eloquent defense of his actions. From the Oregonian:

After questioning Austin Wright Greenwood at the scene, a Clackamas County Sheriff’s Deputy placed him under arrest. The deputy reported that Greenwood said, “The only thing I did was wrestle with some fat Mexican.”

Apparently, Greenwood thought himself some sort of luchador. However, not yet content with his stunning display of civility and manners, Greenwood perfomed the coup de grace.

The deputy also reported that Greenwood spat on the patrol-car window and urinated in the rear seat while he sat in custody. The officer said Greenwood also repeatedly hurled profanities at the deputy as he drove Greenwood to jail, where he is now lodged.

Reading this story, I suddenly had a great idea for immigration reform. I propose a worker-exchange program where we trade waste-of-space shitheads like Greenwood for people who actually want to come to this country and work. It’s a win-win situation.

  1. T says:

    No, the “Jesus” was directed at Simg for proposing his idea. Not you.

  2. Timothy says:

    Well who’s an asshole now? Please, don’t answer that.

    HINT: Me.

  3. T says:

    Timothy: Except that Simg is actually on the OC’s staff. Jesus …

  4. Niedermeyer says:

    Simg: Um, I don’t.

    Tim: Health care is an innate, god-given right… which is why I pickle my liver and blacken my lungs at every opportunity. How does it go? “Blessed are the uninsured, for they shall show up at the emergency room for minor ailments, and run up everyone elses premiums.” Something like that…

  5. Timothy says:

    There isn

  6. Simg says:

    I hope Greenwood decides to attend college here at the UO, that way he can write for the OC.

  7. CJ Ciaramella says:

    The Oregonian updated their story with some new information. Apparently, the two men were sitting in the park drinking some beer and started chatting up two girls who were with Greenwood and his posse. They left on a beer run with the girls, and when they returned the mob attacked them.
    If there’s one thing racists hate more than minorities, it’s minorities getting cozy with their white women. The article notes that Greenwood has (probably “had” at this point) a full-time job. I guess we can’t accuse him of living off the state, but that still doesn’t make him any less of an asshat.

  8. Andy says:

    Also, think about how these shitheads stay alive. If they are so worthless, then no one would want to hire or even deal with them. It might be the case that this is true and only the government will provide their meals. Good thing we have a “safety net” to encourage this type of anti-social behavior.

  9. Andy says:


    Nobody is arguing against health care, the environment, or security. We all want those good things in our life, but there can be a big difference about how they are delivered to us. The current system of government monopoly is horribly corrupt, deceitful, and abusive in providing these goods we want.

    The recently defeated income tax is just another lie to extort more money from the producers of wealth in society – the taxpayer. Unfortunately, you fell for this lie. I happen to think that if we are to have the government providing services, the priority service should be police. The government of lane county thinks the money is better spent on education and welfare. It’s a disgusting habit that local governments have here in Oregon to threaten the taxpayers with cutting police budgets before any other “service.” Good thing that it’s not completely illegal to defend yourself in this state, but it is in many others.

  10. Sean says:

    There isn’t anything wrong with health care or certain public services from the government, but people cannot expect to get it when they overwhelmingly vote down taxes that are dedicated to fund those services.

  11. Timothy says:

    Or, you know, stop prosecuting non-crimes like drug possession. Or, you know, stop wasting money on things like PERS and the Oregon Health Plan. That will, of course, never happen in Oregon because taxes are sacred and people want DESERVE healthcare from the government.

  12. Sean says:

    Mexico will definitely straighten out those worthless shitheads.

    This is a perfect plan. It will also reduce the prison/jail population and need in Oregon. Prison and criminal justice services are getting slashed ANYWAYS because of the failure of the county income tax to pass, and the cutoff of federal funds.
    No jail or prison room? Send ’em to Mexico, where the rougher lifestyle will square them away.

  13. Michael G. says:

    While I think it’s one of the few admirable ideas for dealing with the illegal immigration issue, I doubt Mexico would see it as win-win.

    We should send our environmentalist wackjobs like Tre Arrow down there as well.

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