America, fuck yeah!
When in the course of human events it becomes necessary to eat a disgusting amount of hot dogs in a short space of time, America will always be the best. Joey Chestnut claimed victory (as well as a world record) today at Nathan’s Famous Fourth of July International Hot Dog Eating Contest by eating a stunning 66 hot dogs in 12 minutes. The former champion, Takeru Kobayashi of Japan, fell short of Chestnut’s mark by three franks.
This is perhaps the biggest symbolic victory for the U.S. since Rocky beat that big, Russian guy in Rocky IV – doubly so since it happened on Independence Day. Now we can forever remember the 4th of July for two reasons: the day we proclaimed independence and the day we took our rightful crown as hot dog eating champions of the world.
I’m too busy thinking fondly of Yakov Smirnoff to close anything. Oh what a country.
Somebody, close my italics tag!
“But there is a very good reason why people hate work- it hates us first. If we believe Karl Marx . . . ”
In Soviet Russia, job hates you?
T: Don’t we always?
You’ve failed me for the last time.
Ooooh, I interviewed him! I think the only reason he got the position was because he was a copy editor previously. You’ll have a gaggle of new columnists this coming year, all of whom I interviewed, so I hope you appreciate the wonderful gifts I have bestowed upon you.
On a completely unrelated note, has anyone else been paying attention to this bozo the Emerald has got writing commentary for them this summer, Josh Grenzsund?
His last piece actually contained the following sentence: “If we believe Karl Marx, each person is destined to spend life as a labor source, producing products and delivering services in an economic system that erases any trace of the individual’s labor and inspiration.”
This clown’s gotta be one of the worst writers I’ve ever seen in the pages of the ODE. I mean, citing Marx is cringe-worthy on its own without the subsequent references to “the soulless machine.”
I expect that bilge from the Insurgent, not the Emerald.