Glucklich loves men
In today’s Emerald, Opinion Editor Elon Glucklich wrote a piece titled “Who sucked all the masculinity out of politics?” that sounds strikingly similar to the entire Man Issue. Glucklich writes:
Where have all the cowboys gone? Singer/songwriter Paula Cole wanted to know in 1997. Now I’m asking. Once upon a time this country was imbued with a survivor’s mentality: either kill, or be killed. And while I don’t mean going as far as to advocate pillaging or murder, the idea of taking your neighbor’s land because you have a larger rifle/musket/pitchfork harkens to truer times.
First, what kind of call for manhood starts with a Paula Cole reference. She sang the theme song for Dawson’s Creek. Plus, real men do not have a kill or be killed mentality. For a real man, there is no choice. The only option is kill.
Glucklich continues:
Lately, that frontier mentality has been nagging at my subconscious like Jennifer Lopez on a lonely Friday night.
Come on, Elon. That’s just nasty. You are basically implying that you masturbate to the frontier mentality. Is that what you really wanted to say here? Do you get a chub every time you read O Pioneers by Willa Cather? I sure hope not.
The emasculation process begins at birth, where a child’s life is pretty much set out for them: Learn to eat solid food, learn to walk, walk to school, get a degree, walk out, contribute to society’s betterment.
Really? Eating solid food makes you less of a man? Last time I checked, the manliest food out there was a steak. Steaks are pretty solid if you ask me. And since when is contributing to society unmanly? You know who doesn’t contribute to society? Hippies. Being dirty and worthless does not make you a man.
The Commentator thinks that it is just a simple coincidence that this editorial appeared right after we put the Man Issue .pdf on the blog, and we wish the Emerald luck in future ventures that are eerily similar to ours.
Why do I feel like listening to The Police all of a sudden?
Trying to visualize the above comment makes it both creepy and funny.
I’m watching you write a reply right in front of me Ossie… in class. He’s going over the study guide. Important stuff. This is gonna be an easy mid-term.
Jake: Don’t give in that easily, raw steak out of the freezer is solid as a rock. A real man would eat a frozen steak.
Jake: Sweet. Do I get tithes or anything?
Tim: I concede to your greatness.
Steak is only solid if you cook it too fucking long. And if you eat burned steak you are certainly not a man.
“Once again you people prove the theory that those who complain about newspapers do so because they think they can do better.”
Um, yeah. We DO think we can do better (or at least have more fun in the process). That’s why we, you know, put out our own magazine. I’m not quite understanding your point of contention, swift.
You know what’s hilarious, anonymous posts
Once again you people prove the theory that those who complain about newspapers do so because they think they can do better.
Nice try, guys.
They’ve sold their soul for a couple a cents.
The ODE has a bunch of full time salaried administrators and they pay their writers, how can the opinion page suck so bad and so consistently?
“Real men only have one option: Kill.” OORAH!
Let’s see if the Emerald suspiciously starts hating things around May-June.
I truly hope that his column wasn’t a sad attempt at parodying the Commentator.