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Bush to America: “harrumph, harrumph, harrumph”

President George W. Bush’s final State of the Union address last night was awesome! He even quoted Bruce Springsteen’s “Born In The USA.” How cool is that? Well, he said “made in the USA,” but we all know “W” was rocking out in his head while he spoke.

Highlights at a glance: shedding 151 bloated government programs totaling $18 billion (harrumph); trust people with their own money (harrumph, harrumph); Al Qaeda is on the run in Iraq and this enemy will be defeated (harrumph, harrumph, harrumph); and a well-deserved ovation for Bob Dole. Of course, the nit-picky democrats just had to respond indifferently.

The Democrat response was given by Kansas Governor Kathleen Sebelius (Tim Russert said Sebelius is on the short list of possible vice president candidates), who took a “slight detour” from tradition and presented an “American response” to Bush’s speech. She began by making fun of TV pundits – nice strategy. She tried her best to push America’s “oh shit” button, saying things like “join us” and “time is running out.” I guess if you follow the Mayan calendar, she is right. Sebelius’s speech sounded like a defunct bedtime Christmas tale – think “Twas the Night Before Christmas” meets “Revelations” – and she ended with, “In the morning, let’s get to work.” (I slept in, oops).

Afterwards, NBC had interviews with Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama; questions focused on Ted Kennedy’s support for Obama. Clinton beat around the Bush,while Obama slyly compared himself to John F. Kennedy. NBC also interviewed Mitt Romney, who was a broken record about how “Washington is broken” and “don’t send Washington politicians back to Washington.” Sorry Mitt, if we go by the standard of distance from D.C., Mike Gravel would win.

The Ol’ Dirty interviewed Congressman Peter Defazio for its recap of Bush’s address, go figure.

“As far as I can tell from his speech, he thinks the economy is just peachy, aside from the problems with home mortgages,” DeFazio said. “He simply doesn’t understand. Never has, never will.” …

Defazio said that while Bush’s rationale for the past year’s troop surge had been to create “breathing room for political reconciliation” in Iraq, that has not happened and there has not been progress in the country.

The Emerald ran a photo of Trish Marx, a member of the College Democrats, throwing a Nerf football at the screen during Bush’s speech. In some cultures, that type of action is punished by caning. The final quote of the article confused me:

“It does make me very thankful that we’re going to be working toward a Democratic president next year,” [Sara Bean Duncan, the president of the College Democrats] said.

Finally, Senator Ron Wyden issued a response that basically line-itemed Bush’s points and disagreed with everyone. “While I agree with his sentiment, I disagree with his approach,” he said, and followed with a bunch of, “when it comes to … Americans need….”

When it comes to the economy, Americans need more than tax cuts for the most fortunate few and one-time rebates – they need a long-term economic policy that creates jobs and puts money back in the hands of working families. When it comes to health care, Americans need more than a band-aid approach – they need comprehensive reform that will address the spiraling costs of insurance, while guaranteeing that every American has quality, affordable health care. Americans need an education policy that really will leave no child behind. They need an energy policy that doesn’t hold them hostage to the price and availability of foreign oil and they need a foreign policy that doesn’t require U.S. troops to referee a civil war, but will rather restore the reputation of Americans around the world.

He left out, “Americans need a swift kick in the behind.”

There was one item from the speech that both Democrats and Republicans agree on: funding for veterans. It seems like the members of the PFC are the only ones not wanting to give veterans their due financial support.

  1. Timothy says:

    Ah yes, it’s so nice to see Ted “Not Worth A Bullet” Kennedy’s endorsement come out this week. If only all of the candidates could lose….

  2. Jake says:

    When is the Boss going to be in Portland?

  3. Ossie says:

    I just heard on the radio a 300-level ticket to see the Boss at the Rose Garden is $95. Ridiculous.

  4. Vincent. says:

    He’s too busy recording mediocre music and appealing to aging baby-boomers who still want to “rock” to give two squirts of piss, I reckon.

  5. Sakaki says:

    Y’know, Ronnie Reagan also cited Bruce Springsteen. I wonder at what time ol’ Boss is gonna come out and whap W for doing the same thing that Reagan did.

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