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Police Email: Pornstore Bandits

Here’s an interesting little email we got from the EPD regarding the robbery of an adult store:

Eugene police responded to the report of an armed robbery at 720 Garfield Street in Eugene. The two suspects entered the adult store at approximately 11:50 pm and ordered the two employees to the ground at gun point. The suspects stole an undisclosed amount of cash and merchandise before exiting the store. The employees were not injured during the incident. The suspects left the location in an unknown direction after the robbery.


Both subject’s coats were described as “puffy”.

And merchandise? I can almost imagine the robbers’ thought process. “Well … as long as we’re here.” And so the puffy-coated highwaymen fled into the night, arms full of rubber vaginas and bukkake porn.

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