The OC Blog Back Issues Our Mission Contact Us Masthead
Sudsy Wants You to Join the Oregon Commentator

Happy Birthday, Oregon

The Daily Emerald ran an article yesterday with the headline “Oregon celebrates 150th birthday,” but when I read it, I was greeted by this lead:

Walking through the aisles at gift shops, students may become overwhelmed with cards containing pictures of hearts and messages of love. However, students won’t find Hallmark cards depicting working settlers sweating over fields, Native Americans being forced into reservations or freed slaves being banned from Oregon on the front of cards, as Feb. 14 celebrates another important holiday: Oregon’s admission into the union.

What the hell, ODE? Oh, I get it. It’s the ol’ “you can’t celebrate things because they used to be bad” angle. Congratulations on jumping the shark there. Anyways, in honor of Oregon’s sesquicentennial and the ODE’s douchebaggery, I thought I’d list some of the really cool things about Oregon:

  • The beaches are public: I know, I know. It’s heresy for me to support public ownership, but it’s not like you can build anything on sand anyways (or so that Jesus guy said). Just south of Florence there is 50 miles of unbroken public beach and dunes. And that’s pretty cool. Thanks, Tom McCall.
  • Speaking of which, we had one of the coolest governors ever, Tom McCall. He once said in an interview (no doubt addressing the state of California): “Come visit us again and again. This is a state of excitement. But for heaven’s sake, don’t move here to live.”
  • Oregon held the only state-sponsored rock festival in U.S. history in 1970. Thanks again, Tom McCall.
  • Oregon drinks more Pabst Blue Ribbon than any other state. And we’re talking pure volume, not per capita.
  • Portland has more breweries than any other city on earth. Up yours, Cologne!
  • Portland has more strip clubs per capita than any other city in the U.S.
  • We have the only ski lodge in North America that is open year-round.
  • We have Crater Lake, which is a lake on top of a mountain. That’s pretty cool.
  • And let’s not forget the Oregon Vortex!
  • We’re not California.
  1. Gsim says:

    Never try to defend the defenseless. I have learned my lesson.

    Also, you’re correct about the federal dollars. It is actually sort of surreal when you witness the amount of money being spend up north. There are some really lonely 4 lane freeways in Fairbanks. Man, Stevens could bring home the pork.

  2. Timothy says:

    What’s the difference between Sarah Palin’s mouth and her vagina? Only one retarded thing ever came out of her vagina.

    Thanks, I’ll be here all week, try your waitress! Tip the veal!

    It’s cool you’ve got the hots for her dude, I mean, I’d put it in…but let’s not try to pretend that Caribou Barbie belongs anywhere other than baking cookies for the Junior League.

  3. Gsim says:

    Despite her national image Palin was/is a pretty awesome governor.

    She rolled back a lot of previous administrations extravagant spending. She fired the previous governor’s driver and cook (saying she can drive herself and cook her own food). She sold the previous governor’s expensive and relatively useless jet plane replacing it with a super neat twin engine float plane (that the state troopers use too).

    She was also instrumental in exposing some deep rooted corruption in the high ranks of the state’s Republican party (resulting in fines and fired).

    Even if she doesn’t have the moxie to be a federal pig, she is still a pretty damn good politician by any measure.

  4. Vincent says:


    We got Kulongoski instead. He’s giving Palin a run for her money these days.

  5. C.T. Behemoth says:

    I’m sure there are problems with a sales tax…especially when people aren’t buying as much stuff.

    I just like the idea of paying tax as I go instead of having an arbitrary CHUNK of cash taken out of my check every month.

    Purely selfish reasons in other words.

  6. Timothy says:

    Except you don’t have to federally subsidize people to live in either Oregon or Texas and neither ever elected Sarah Palin.

  7. Gsim says:

    He was also a marine (kill japs in the South Pacific) and had a degree in biology.

  8. Gsim says:

    Texas and Oregon don’t have shit on Alaska (twice as big as Texas, even more when the tide is out).

    No sales tax (some towns do though) and no income tax.

    Plus, we had an even more badass Governor Jay Hammond. Not only was he a bush pilot, but he loved himself fiscal responsibility playing a key role in amending the AK constitution to limit state spending (part of the reason no income tax/sales tax exists today).

    Plus, he thought that the state actually belongs to the people living in the state. Therefore profits garnered from use of state land by corporations should directly benefit the people. Which is why he created, pretty much by himself, the permanent fund dividend.

    Finally, he wore a black beret.

    Tom McCall was pretty cool, but Mr. Hammond would eat him for breakfast like a sourdough pancake.

  9. Vincent says:

    So… dusty and full of cute rodeo girls?

  10. Timothy says:

    Hey, Texas does all right with sales tax and no state income tax. Of course, the trade off is that the whole state is basically like Pendelton or Grant’s Pass….

  11. ben says:

    hey did the oregonian ever settle on winner of that god awful contest featuring user-submitted oregon flags?

  12. Vincent says:

    A sales tax hasn’t really helped California avoid impending bankruptcy, either.

  13. t says:

    Yeah, the sales tax has done wonders for Washington’s $6 billion budget deficit for the 2009-2011 biennium.

  14. B says:

    Sales tax is great. Especially when incomes are diminishing.

  15. C.T. Behemoth says:

    Sales tax does suck….but I’d still prefer it over a blanket income tax any day.

  16. tedTheTiniestTurtle says:

    sales tax sucks. i don’t make money or own property so i likes living in oregon.

  17. C.T. Behemoth says:

    Yeah…I’d rather have a sales tax.

  18. Anthony says:

    Oregon is a great state, if not the greatest. If we could just lower or get rid of that horrible state income tax it would be even better.

  19. Jake says:

    “Douchebaggery”. That’s just an awesome word. And yes, Oregon kicks ass.

  20. C.T. Behemoth says:

    The beaches are mostly public. For some reason, the public beaches in state parks aren’t kind to the public in some spots (i.e. just north of Florence). I was once on the verge of being ticketed by a ranger, but I plead ignorance using the ‘public beaches’ line. He agreed that it was ambiguous and gave me 30 minutes to leave or he’d be be back with tickets for all.

    You’ve got to give it to Oregon though…for a state of 4 million or so people, we kick ass.

  21. Sakaki says:

    Northern California is fine. North of Sonoma-Napa-Yolo.

    South of it = shi’itehole.

  22. ThunderLove says:

    When You have to list Crater Lake in dpots to see in Oregon, You Know California is the supierior state

  23. Sakaki says:

    Tom McCall was a genuine article. You won’t get that from the likes of Bill Bradbury.

  24. Kai Davis says:

    I just read the Wiki on Tom McCall and he is a pretty bad ass individual.

  25. Kai Davis says:

    Oregon Vortex is THE SHIT.

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.