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Riot Update

In a stunning display of independence and maturity, 400ish freshmen rioted in the intersection of 14th and Patterson last Friday, the 24th. It took about 50 police in SWAT gear to subdue the drunken masses, which finally cleared out a little after midnight (can you say after-riot party?). Tear gas was thrown, street signs torn down, and nine people arrested on alcohol-related charges.  UO President Richard Lariviere called the rager “completely unacceptable,” and pledged to improve the University’s relations with the surrounding neighborhood. Longtime West University residents seemed nonplussed by the incident, stating that it was, “earlier this year than in previous years.” The damages, which also included broken car windows (not cool, Freshies,) will cost the city about $10,000.

Both police and citizens have speculated on the cause of the riot, one theory being a deficit of large houses that, in years past, could accommodate tens of partiers. Without these Animal Houses smaller apartment parties have become the norm, but with small space and loud people come the inevitable spillage of drunks into the street.

One may wonder what this ridiculous episode means about the incoming class of ’14 and the future of UO partying in general. Clearly, these freshmen are ready to get their swerve on right away and at unprecedented levels. True, the first exhilarating taste of freedom can go to one’s head, but their overly enthusiastic antics spell problems for the rest of us. Increased party patrol vigilance will be a definite result, and pissing off residents could mean police visits to your house if your little Gleek party gets a smidge too loud.
If only there was a place where underage students could gather and get super shitfaced without getting arrested. Imagine, a gymnasium sized room to which freshman alchies could bring their 30-bombs and cheap handles and drink their little brains out. It wouldn’t need anything inside, no chairs, no decorations, just let them bring their pong tables, boomboxes, and nude playing cards. Who would need to riot when you have a chill spot like that?

Personally, this writer believes the true victims in this incident are the street signs. Every street in the West University neighborhood is a mish-mash of aging houses and pop-up apartment complexes that shit all looks the same. It is easy to get lost and impossible to find what street you’re on due to a large amount of missing street signs, which the city refuses to replace. It is understandable that they are frustrated with stupid kids stealing them all the time, but is there truly no way to bolt that them down a little better? It appears, from looking at the remaining signs, that they are just thin rectangles that slide in and out of a metal frame. Let’s try something a little more substantial, hmm?

  1. Darth Buscemi says:

    It took me forever to figure out which street was actually High street.

    Signs in your house are super tacky anyways, but boy are they fun to rip out.

  2. JB says:

    The “large house deficit” theory is hogwash. This kerfuffle differs little in size, actions, location, and even date from others going back over a decade. Drunk idiots will always end up on the street, no matter the party. Frankly, the best action would be to disperse large amount of weed to all undergrads immediately. Stoners just boost the economy, not damage property. Unless the property is potentially bong-able.

  3. nike urbanism duk says:

    Drop burning Phosphorous by helicopter in the future

  4. Bystander says:

    As a middle-aged resident of Eugene I think there are a number of possible solutions:

    1. Lower the drinking age to 18 so adults can go to bars. (Seriously, 18-20 year olds have been fighting and dying in Afghanistan and Iraq for nine years. It is a travesty that they cannot have a beer legally.)
    2. Get a leash on the Eugene Police department.
    3. Try to find out why the residents of Eugene (many of them U of O grads) get so upset when college students do the exact same thing that thhe townies did when they were their age.)

  5. G-Dawg says:

    As for the street signs, put razors on them. The city will then know who tried to steal a sign after they go to the emergency room with their hand sliced open. Guaranteed to be fool proof.

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