Come, Ye Masters of Presidential Security
Apparently, Bob Dylan still has the capacity to shock the Square Community. Parents, students, and administrators at Boulder (CO) High School were shocked and appalled to learn that an ad-hoc musical group called the Coalition of the Willing intended to perform the 41-year-old song “Masters of War,” which ends with these words:
And I hope that you die
And your death’ll come soon
I will follow your casket in the pale afternoon
And I’ll watch while you’re lowered down to your deathbed
And I’ll stand o’er your grave ’til I’m sure that you’re dead
This was somehow taken as a death threat on President Bush, prompting the school principal to call in the Secret Service. The Secret Service, duly unimpressed, “questioned {the principal} for 20 minutes and took a copy of the lyrics.” High School principals have apparently not gotten any smarter since I graduated.
Side Note: Shame on us!
As a tangent to the Dylan song hubbub, the above-linked story also notes a 70 teeny bopper-strong protest of Bush’s reelection held at Boulder High last week. The protest was lauded by teacher Jim Vacca, and he had pointed words for all of us:
“In an age where narcissistic college students riot in an inarticulate drunken stupor, you have students here at Boulder High School, principled, thoughtful and yet scared of four more years of pre-emptive war, the Patriot Act and an increase in militarism at school through the No Child Left Behind Act,” Vacca had said.
Now. Forget about the non sequitor of the week. Best “Open Letter to Jim Vacca” on the comment boards wins.
ooh. Cookies? I want a cookie.
Wow, I can hear crickets on this post. No one wants to point out how hard it is to riot in a stupor? No one wants to question exactly how the No Child Left Behind Act has led to “an increase in militarism at school?” Fine. I’m taking my cookies and going home.
Melissa wins!
By default!
(And for signing it “Boobly yours.”)
Dear Jim:
We all know you just say these things so your female student population will look up to you, and with heaving nubile A-cup chests, cry “Humbert, Humbert!” as you slay them with your intellect and suave teacherliness. A word of caution: no matter how much you champion their cause, statutory rape is still illegal. Ask Roman Polanski.
As a drunken, but not yet rioting college student, and a female one at that, I can assure you that the pre-emptive war and your petty No Child Left Behind Act concerns pale in comparison to my laundry list of survival concerns: how will I pay tuition? If I take out student loans, how will I pay them back? Will my college be blown up by terrorists because of our affiliation with Nike and Fox Sports? Where will my next beer come from? And are my breasts perky enough to make the final cut of “Girls Gone Wild”?
These are the true questions your students should worry about. They should be scared. Very scared. The real world is nothing like Boulder.
Boobly yours,
Drunkette O’Drunkard
student, University of Oregon
He should have stopped at “Patriot Act.”