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Hate Out

Finally, the pieces came together. The long-awaited issue is out. We hit some stumbling blocks, but I think this one looks good. A lot of people put in some great work, including Olly, Ian and Michael — people whose hard work was essential to getting the issue done. In fact, it wouldn’t have gotten done without everyone who contributed. Good work everyone.

Warning to those with slow connections: The PDF is friggin’ gigantic.

[Update by Ian] I’ve downgraded the PDF to one that modem users will actually be able to download in a reasonable amount of time. The text will be the same, but the images are gonna look like junk.

  1. Laura says:

    Well, I wish I could find the PDF mentioned in this thread. If anyone has it, I would sure appreciate it if you could forward it to me! I’ve been trying to explain to my boyfriend for months that Oregonians vs. Californians is just a “thing” we have and have had since before I was born.

    I was hoping maybe you guys may know how this animosity started and when? My thoughts were it started when Mulholland first tried to divert some of the mighty rolling Columbia River down to LA, and we blew up his pipes almost a hundred years ago and he tried again, and we blew them up again. I’m thinking that may have given our relationship a rocky start at least…

    But I’m glad someone mentioned the “natural resources” industry. I was born in 1971, so I barely remember when Oregon was still logging country. Then Californians and their Spotted Owl lovers came in and I could hear the old-timers groaning “Trees are fer cuttin’, not fer huggin’!”

    But most of Oregon outside of the two metro areas is still in that anti-arugula-and-tofu state of mind, and I’m sure they’re still sore about losing the “natural resources” industry as well. I myself work for a software company in Beaverton, and never was one much for chainsaws, so I’m kind of glad Intel came up here and introduced a new industry, even if we do have to put up with 6 lane thoroughfares and tract housing (as long as they keep all that crap over on the Westside–I live in NE). And, of course, property values have skyrocketed I think in large part because of Californians. As one of the lucky ones who got in just before this big bubble, I feel obligated to thank them even.

    Besides McCall’s attitudes (I don’t know how old any of you are, but he’s my mom’s hero still), does anyone remember what started this “thing” between us so many years ago? Do you think the rift can be closed? Can you imagine a time when Californians can drive up here without hastily changing their license plate as soon as they cross the border?

  2. Scott says:


    Cheers, and I have to say, you aren’t wrong! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Out. Where’s my beer?

  3. Timothy says:

    The only thing even mildly impressive about Scott has always been his striking Ann-Coulter-Like figure in a dress.

  4. Scott says:


    That was like three months ago, but hey thanks for rememebering. And while I was sort of a drunk and stumbling cheeseball before I left……..I really wasn’t. Or have your forgotten the night Jarrett pissed himself and passed out in front of Johnson Hall? No, no, no, no, I have truly become a drunk, slopy bastard in my old age, and I have been told it is truly entertaining. Scott after a gin and juice or two, as I am sure you remember me before I left, is not the same picture as Scott Teacher after a half-rack of Cornoa and 4 Long Island Iced Teas, Michael. Not the same at all. You would be at least mildly impressed. I’m not saying you’d soil yourself with glee, but I am at least certain enough to say that you would be mildly impressed. Out.

  5. Jean-Claude Ontario says:

    Megann, you wanker, you never published anything about the OMAS protest. Weak-sauce.

  6. Michael G. says:

    A drunk and stumbling Scott is what we saw continuously for at least a year before you left… I doubt anyone will notice a difference.

    I *did* get your message, BTW… hello to you, too.

  7. Scott says:

    Christ, Clint, and I thought I was an ass. Well hell, maybe we all need to be replaced from our pedestals of infamy. Well written, Guidero. I completely agreed, and it was funny as hell. Anyway, I will be back in Oregon the first week of July if anyone wants to see a drunk, stumbling Scott. I can be, I am told, entertaining as a drunk. Cheers, and awesome Hate edition. I still wanted to be the most hated person in the world, but hey, you can’t have everything.

  8. Timothy says:

    Also, they smell bad and should learn how to drive. Turns out Californians are a lot like Whitey, who knew?

  9. Michael G. says:

    I go away for a few days and look what happens.

    Clint said: “Mr. Guidero: I inviteyou to let me know how your job search goes in Oregon once you manage to graduate from that pit of shit called the UofO.”

    Actually, I’ve never had a problem finding a job, even while I am still in school. I’ve been gainfully employed for several years now. (Yes, actual paying jobs.)

    You should have noticed that I addressed unemployment issues in Oregon in my article. Do I have to spell them out? We used to have a thriving natural-resources industry. Then some groups from California came up and lobbied for its destruction. I believe I mentioned one of them, the Sierra Club.

    Then, there are the people that move here to take advantage of all the bleeding hearts we have up here, and if they actually get on their own two feet, they become bleeding hearts that want to increase benefits that keep people hooked on the system.

    Also, some people around here just can’t hold jobs because they are socially inept. Go into WinCo and watch who pulls out an Oregon Trail card. Observe their mannerisms and the way they interact socially. You’ll see what I mean. Good training in social interaction and basic personal skills would be far better than any government handout.

    Finally, there is simply a lack of jobs in Oregon. I specifically point the finger at jerks like Andrea Ortiz, who come up to Oregon from California. They help destroy our natural resource industry. They support and/or enact ordinances that create a business-hostile environment. Andrea Ortiz, on her campaign site, specifically made anti-business comments (especially against the railroad). Any employer wanting to set up shop here is going to notice the political climate, and think about other places to go.

    I’m not saying it’s only Californians who are doing this, there are also “Native Oregonians” who help them along, as well as people from other states, but certain Californians epitomize the lot of them.

  10. Tyler says:

    Meghann makes an interesting point… However, if we were the only blog with a comments section that regularily devolved into petty name calling and wildly off-topic tangents, then I would take her point more to heart. As much as I would like to control the power of Clint’s trolling, I cannot.

  11. Greg in Japan says:

    Olly, I like your rant about Linn County, but Tim (I think it was Tim) proposed the perfect solution a few years back (maybe last year, who knows, I just killed a half-rack). Leave the napalm for the kids – shit can grow back after that. No, tactical nuclear weapons. Nuke the county until it is but a sheet of glass.

  12. Timothy says:

    We’ve only ever blogged for our own amusement. Why do you think there’s an entire category for things only I care about?

  13. Meghann says:

    Here I was thinking there were 15 responses to the Hate issue and what am I met with? Senseless babble about who knows what.

    Good job guys, way to capture your audience’s attention through blogging.


  14. Sailor says:

    Or even better:

    “I shoot Californians. Yes, that means you.”

  15. Timothy says:

    To revive an ancient Oregon tradition from my youth: Californian, go home.

  16. Tyler says:

    You know what I find funny about all of this: Michael’s piece isn’t entitled “I Hate California” it’s “I Hate Californians.” I’m not sure if Clint is originally from California, but he’s proving most of Michael’s points admirably (i.e. Californians are cockknobs who want to turn Oregon into California). Way to go, Clint!

  17. Ian says:

    1. Driving in Portland during rush hour is far easier than driving in LA, SF, SD, Sacramento, or San Jose during rush hour. Anyone who’s lived in Portland and one of those cities can tell you that.
    2. As Casey points out, three Californian cities are worse in per capita traffic than Portland. You don’t seem to understand what “per capita” means, so I recommend looking that up.
    3. The parts of Oregon that I frequently travel through (I5, 101, Portland, and Eugene) do not need major highway improvements.
    4. I’d say that Gray Davis’ reign of terror was far worse than any sort of light rail fiasco. But that isn’t even the point, as Michael Guidero (or anyone else from the OC) never said that Oregon’s state government was anything but incompetent.
    5. Calling me a “dipshit” because Portland is #9 in traffic per capita is like me calling you a monster for allowing Michael Jackson to sleep with young boys. So, since you assume that I support the Oregon state government, I’m just going to assume that you support paying young boys to sleep with 45 year old men. You sick bastard.

  18. Melissa says:

    Anyway, MG missed some easy cheapshots like what pack of moron’s would elect Schwartz for gov.. oh yea, and seeing things like this make me happy.

    Punctuation. Learn it, know it, live it.
    Morons: Plural. Moron’s: Signifies ownership or belonging.

    In context:
    “Clint is one of those morons who can’t punctuate correctly.”
    “Which moron’s blog comment is this? If it isn’t correctly punctuated, it must be Clint’s.”

  19. Casey says:

    LA and SF are 1, 2, PER CAPITA, so the “most populated state” garbage goes out the window. Besides, outside of the Portland area, traffic isn’t really an issue. BTW Clint, did you go to UO? If so, don’t you find it kind of ironic that you bash it with reckless abandon, then in the next breath claim that your job is so great that you can afford to buy a house in the Bay Area (read: East Palo Alto). Did your education have nothing to do with your ability to get that great job?

  20. Clint says:

    Oh don’t get me wrong. I think the government here sucks as well. This special initiative shit drives me up the wall, just like Oregon’s stupid initiatives did too.. it’s contradictory to the role of government.

    Yea Ian, Oregon does need some major highway improvements, it’s long overdue. They did something to the I-5 & 217 interchange that didn’t seem to help anything in the slightest. Maybe you’d notice if you weren’t stuck in that backwards hippie town.. here’s a blurb.. Portland: The best worst example. But the case against smart growth with respect to traffic congestion could not be made more eloquently than it has by Portland’s planners. Presiding over the most draconian urban containment policies in the nation…. Oh yea.. and in case that wasn’t enough, look who ranks #9 in worst traffic per capita in 2003, dipshit. You’ll notice all those other cities there aren’t so “quaint” (read: shitty) as Portland (Denver is a wash). Sure Cali boasts three in the top ten, but hey.. what do you expect from the most populated state in the nation? And just for laughs, let’s see how Portland traffic stacks up nationwide.. at 26.. And you if you think Oregon’s government can hold a candle to California’s.. then go look up the complete history of how that MAX lightrail crap got started.

    Anyway, MG missed some easy cheapshots like what pack of moron’s would elect Schwartz for gov.. oh yea, and seeing things like this make me happy.

    Oh yea.. and how’s the weather? Shitty? That’s surprising.

  21. Ian says:

    What’s hilarious is that Clint apparently believes that California’s own legislature has “forward thinking individuals in government” and that Oregon needs major highway improvements. I’m sorry Clint, but if you expect to see wild endorsements for the socialist quagmire you call a state government, then you’re reading the wrong periodical.

  22. Casey says:

    Clint makes lots of money. You should be impressed. Oh, and California is so cool that thousands flock to “that pit of shit” in droves every year.

  23. Melissa says:

    Clint, it’s called a sense of humor. Get one.

  24. Clint says:

    Mr. Guidero: I invite you to let me know how your job search goes in Oregon once you manage to graduate from that pit of shit called the UofO. I’d be happy to compare notes. Oregon would only be so lucky as to have some forward thinking individuals in government who could manage to get Oregon out of the top ten (five anyone?) in neato statistics, like unemployment. Or even better, imagine if they did something novel.. like make a major highway improvement (the last of which was likely done before you were born – look it up bitch). And finally, I love California drivers. Other than the inability to understand the word “merge,” they’re head and shoulders above Oregonians – you’re just jealous because when a Californian is around, you’re no longer the fastest driver on the road.

    P.S. Less than 2 years out of college.. and I’m buying a home in the Bay Area. Must be this white collar job, scrub.

  25. dau says:

    Mr. Jones: Idaho ain’t so bad. Hit me up if you want to commiserate over a drink at 10th Street Station.

  26. Melissa says:

    My vomit actually smells like Gardenias with overtones of apricots and white musk.

  27. Timothy says:

    Two things:

    1) Brilliant!


  28. Danimal says:

    Let the Hate in.

    Looks fantastic. I am proud to have, er, published it.

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