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DPS: bad at counting, good at tweaking

The ODE reported yesterday on former DPS meter attendant Orion Martin pleading guilty for stealing change from campus parking meters to feed his methamphetamine addiction. The ODE reported that he must repay $2,000, along with undergoing 18 months probation (he should read to elders) and some drug treatment.

In statements taken by EPD, Martin’s ex-wife said she divorced him because of his drug habit and because he was stealing thousands of dollars from the University. She said he was stealing hundreds of dollars a week.

This is a tough blow for the already pathetic reputation of a program that was found to have $96,000 unaccounted for in 2005, resulting in positions being replaced. Taking an even tougher blow, however, is the tweaker community of Eugene. It has been said by secret sources of to the OC (a.k.a. our crack babies) that Martin had recently been promoted to No. 1 in command of the Nickel-and-Dime Brigade of the West Eugene Tweaks (WETs). The organization has yet to name a replacement.

  1. Daniel says:

    I have to say, that I could not agree with you in 100% regarding DPS: bad at counting, good at tweaking, but it’s just my opinion, which could be wrong 🙂

  2. Niedermeyer says:

    Sean: To be fair, she does play softball like a man.

  3. Timothy says:

    During my undergrad years I took to calling DPS “NotCops”. It really irritated them. It was awesome.

  4. Sean says:

    Oh, yeah? Well you play baseball like a GIRL!

  5. Blaser says:

    “And if you run, they may try to chase you down, which could hurt you or them.”

    So who here wants to bet that bigmac is from DPS?

    Oh, and I’ve seen the DPS “give chase” on Niedermeyer’s already referenced curb-stomping night – I think the only thing that got hurt was the tub of lard that was violently jolted around for a whole 15 feet before Mrs. Husky decided it wasn’t worth the physical pain to run after an innocent bystander any longer.

    Look, I don’t think any of us have a problem with people who want to keep us safe. But I know I myself don’t take kindly to being harassed and “intimidated” by the same people who are supposed to be protecting me from harm, and which refuse to talk to students about their policies and procedures but troll their blogs and chime in to talk about how it is best to submit to their “authorita”.

    “Bottom line, don

  6. Kermit is Green says:

    DPS has probable cause arrest authority and stop frisk authority. Kermit Out

  7. bigmac says:

    Moral of the story: Kids, there

  8. Timothy says:

    Hell, just walking around real cops don’t have the authority to ask for your ID. Having a backpack, it being night, and being a student I got stopped by cops around campus a few times. I did what I had a right to do: refused to show them my ID and walked away.

  9. niedermeyer says:

    The point of the anecdote was less “all DPS officers are morons” and more “DPS has so little authority to do anything that I really can’t hate them.” Correct me if I’m wrong, but DPS officers had no legal authority to detain me just because I happened to walk past them as they were engaged in said curb-stomping. As far as I understand it, there’s no legal requirement for me to even show them I.D. no matter how much they shine their big scary flashlights in my face. If this is the case, then yes, I appreciate what a remarkable job DPS does of keeping the campus safe using little more than their power to persuade “perps” to cooperate. It’s actually quite impressive, not to mention a fantastic opportunity to teach kids that people with badges actually have some limits to their powers.

    Moral of the story: Kids, there’s no reason to ever be busted by DPS for anything. Run, lie, or just brazen it out and say you left your I.D. off-campus… unless you literally pass them the dutch, DPS can’t really do shit to you.

  10. Timothy says:

    Am I the only one who remembers the four year long series of rapes behind the library? Is that guy still around? DPS and the EPD where too busy busting kids for drinking and breaking up parties to bother catching an actual criminal in a known locale.

  11. Kermit is Green says:

    I hate taking the defensive yet here I sit on my lilly pad in the swamp dodging. I said most… not all DPS officers have been or are trained as police. Your right some are just old security guards trying to adapt. The comical little rendition about a bumbling officer just proves that anything I say won’t be at least considered. (I may have heard about that one from an inside source and if I am right you’ve painted at the least from a skewed point of view) Keep in mind the direction of things and you will see the Oregon University system catch up with everybody else.

    As for recognition well… remember my muppet friends that they keep away the rapists, murderers and thieves that wish to victimize the campus community. (Yes there are folks on parole who have murder on their records out and about and yes DPS has dealt with them) They are underequipped to do this job but they do it anyways. O well who cares.

    Remember that a baseball traveling at 90mph hurts anywhere it hits you.
    Kermit out.

  12. niedermeyer says:

    Kermit: Ridiculing/bitching about DPS doesn’t mean we don’t appreciate them… personally, I like my law enforcement undertrained, unarmed and too busy stealing their own revenue to bust me while I’m smoking a doob in the graveyard. Hell, I’ve even stopped to photograph the DPS curb-stomping some transient on the late-late, and been informed that I couldn’t leave the premises, only to walk off leaving my husky, would-be detainer mumbling about how I’m supposed to go with them. Honestly, opportunities to be openly contemptuous to security authorities are so rare these days, I almost feel like whatever we’re paying DPS, it isn’t enough.

  13. Timothy says:

    I bet Kermit’s fingers smell like bacon.

  14. Dustin says:

    Ted get a hold of me, shoot me an email, or call if you still have my number. Sorry to interrupt your discussion gentlemen.

  15. Sho says:

    Of course, in the relationship between cops and students, the cops rarely end up looking like the good guys; nonetheless, like Geoff’s comment, your comment still doesn’t mitigate the belief on this blog, and elsewhere on campus, that the actions of this DPS parking division employee adds to the department’s overall poor public image.

  16. Kermit is Green says:

    Everyone relax. The guilty fellow repaired and maintained meters. He did not write tickets or enforce the law. He was just a repair guy not the one arresting bike thieves, catching predatory sex offenders and writing MIPs.

    The patrol division can do parking enforcement but they have nothing to do with meter collection. In fact the patrol division deals with law enforcement and investigations 98.9% of the time. Keep in mind that almost all of the folks of the patrol division have been through a full police academy or reserve police academy. Many are college educated and chose to be here even though they are overqualifed for any department in the country. The old guard at DPS is getting pushed out and a great group of professionals will soon be in control of the place. Get to know these folks and you might learn something. Stop hating just cause you got an MIP and remember to keep your hands and legs inside the ride at all times. Kermit out.

  17. Sean says:

    I could use a blow job…Wubba Wubba, any tips on where to find one of those?

  18. Sean says:

    Sho Ikeda, you are under arrest for arguing too strong of a point against psuedo-authority.

  19. Wubba Wubba says:

    You’re too sensitive, Geoff.

    I’d suggest that you go get a blow job.

  20. geoff says:

    I find it funny to see that everyone assumes it is the DPS Patrol officers that were involved when in actuality it was the Parking Division of DPS. The only way any officers from DPS were involved was when they found the key missing, identified suspects, put a surveillence on the meters and found who was actually doing the crimes. Yes, DPS Patrol Officers found the criminal and put together the case. And for those that aren’t aware, DPS has different distinct divisions. Parking is seperate from Patrol Officers, Patrol Officers are seperate from Museum Security, etc…. I know many of the officers and find it irresponsible of you to lump them all into one category because someone who worked in the same building as they do was a criminal. It’s kind of like me saying the Commentator and the Emerald are the exact same newspaper simply because they both have written pieces in them. In the future, if you (and the writers for the Emerald) took just a few seconds to maybe call someone at DPS for some information and not just make assumptions, it may help you to understand what actually happened. But that doesn’t make for fun and “witty” postings now, does it?

  21. Timothy says:

    Getting BTTB ready maybe, but you’ve got like almost two months.

  22. niedermeyer says:

    Um, what exactly do you mean by “we”?

    I Kid.

    I think he’s just killing time while we… um… are we supposed to be doing something right now?

  23. Jake says:

    I saw that Ted. Did we lose him to the Ol’ Dirty?

  24. niedermeyer says:

    Anyone notice the name on the byline?

    Anyone else hope that DPS officers will be required to hold hands as they make their meter-minding rounds?

    Anyone else savor the irony of a tweaker potentially writing alcohol or pot citations?

    God bless DPS.

  25. CJ Ciaramella says:

    Why not just hire Ozomatli to replace DPS? Rowdy drunks and bike thiefs would stand no chance against their tight, afro-fusion rhythms.

  26. Wubba Wubba says:

    If they come to campus again, I will make sure that SWAT teams are brought in to break it up.

  27. Vincent. says:

    Sean: 1. Ozomatli: 0.

  28. Sean says:

    I still think it’s a better use of University money than the Ozomatli concert.

  29. Vincent. says:

    My mother used to work at DPS. By all accounts, it was the most screwed up, corrupt organization on campus. This doesn’t surprise me one bit.

  30. Carl Ciaramella says:

    The best part? One of the candidates for DPS Director expressed interest in allowing DPS officers to carry handguns.

    “Sir, I’m going to need you to give me all the loose change in your pocket … and your bike seat.”

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