The UO wishes you a safe, happy Valentine’s Day
In case you missed it, the Peer Health Educators at the University Health Center ran a “Safer Sex Menu” in today’s Oregon Daily Emerald. The ad described its safer sex menu as “tasty” and “sure to have something for everyone to enjoy.” It was divided into three categories: Appetizers, Entrees and Desserts. Here’s some of the good, clean fun that the UO wishes upon its students:
- Playing strip poker, strip backgammon
- Petting with no clothes on
- Licking whipped cream off your partner’s body (except for unprotected body openings)
- Making sexy videotapes or playing with a camera
- Talking to each other about safer sex
Wow, the UO is so hip and “with it.” I mean, I really felt like it understood my generation after it advised me to slather my partner in whipped cream. And nothing says kinky like whipping out the ol’ backgammon board. Yeah, baby, I just rolled double sixes. Take it all off!
“Please deposit all sexy videotapes with the Alumni Association for future fundraising efforts.”
“Making sexy videotapes or playing with a camera”
So the UO is now objectively pro-blackmail?