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Ol’ Dirty Provides Helpful Tips to Graduating Seniors

Put that Sociology degree to use with the ODE‘s handy guide to panhandling, released just in time for our global financial market meltdown.

Praying: Reading the Bible and praying can distract from the fact that a person is begging. It attracts attention, but not necessarily in a negative way.

Women versus men: Women inspire more pity because people assume they are mothers or more delicate than men. However, more men panhandle, so statistically, they make more.

Be professional: Treat panhandling as a job. For most people who are begging, it’s the only option they have. If you are in this situation, be professional and work hard because it’s likely the only job you have and it’s probably your only income.

Of course it wouldn’t be an Emerald story unless the reporter interviewed one or two people. In this case, the money interviewee is “Huggy” Miller, who offers the following advice to future UO graduate panhandlers:

Miller begins the song, “May I beg your pardon my Lord,” and it continues in a lilting British accent than contrasts oddly with his round, scruffy face and flame-covered bandana. He considers his ditty an icebreaker, and said asking for change or holding a sign will only bring in coins, while a song or a rhyme brings in the bills.

Miller said he sleeps down by the river, on church steps or in people’s homes when they offer. Besides paying for food and cigarettes, his panhandling money is currently going toward a big splurge – a night in a hotel.

Yes, learn to fake a British accent and spend your money on cigarettes and hotel rooms. Now there’s some advice you can bank on in a recession.

  1. Truth says:

    the senate email listserve has been the victim of an attack by Kate jones

  2. Ossie says:

    I find that mugging is a much more efficient use of time.

  3. Betz says:


    Apparently tags don’t work…

  4. Betz says:

    The real reky to successful panhandling is coming up with a creative sign:

  5. Truth says:

    I hope that mike Reagan and everyone at ospirg read this article as they will soon be needing a new source of income once they are no longer to love off of student funds. Most people in ospirg are excellent at begging for money, now they are going to be keeping it instead of giving it to the cast of whale wars.

  6. Jackson says:

    Who is the rising star of the new ASUO?

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