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The Athiarchists and OSPIRG: A Few of My Least Favorite Things

Look what popped into the Commentator inbox today:

Were coming back this saturday!! Another concert in support of OSPIRG…11AM…same place as before…This is us calling out all the big talking students behind their computer screens, including ring leader CJ Ciaramella(that started the whole online blog battle by saying we were “Eugene’s crappiest metal band), all the people that said our fans were fat single mothers, anyone that was involved in the whole battle we went through last time we did this, anyone that made comments on my orange shorts, and my white pasty skin complexion?, that said we were eugene’s crappiest metal band and then back-peddled and said we were still better than 95% of the bands in Eugene, all the people that threatened us behind their computer screens, its on, lets battle global warming!!!

Just keep in mind, we never threatened anyone, we are just a happy heavy metal band, that has a severe dislike for uneducated public opinions, why don’t you come out and see for yourself?

The Athiarchists

Oh noes, we’ve been “called out!” Not only that, but we’ve been called out so much that “it’s on.” I’m not sure what this means, though. Pistol duel at ten paces? Scowly face contest? Furthermore, I’m not sure how calling The Athiarchists crappy is “threatening,” and I’m pretty sure I was in front of my computer screen. Oh, but I digress. My reply letter to The Athiarchists is after the jump.

Dear The Athiarchists,
Thank you for your thoughtful invitation. We always like to stay on top of events happening on campus, especially those involving groups we despise, like OSPIRG. I’m sure that, since you have a “severe dislike for uneducated public opinions,” you’ve educated yourself on OSPIRG. Therefore, you must know that they were recently defunded because no one likes them anymore. You obviously understand that they take student money off campus and use it for political lobbying. It’s way cool that you would choose to play a show in support of them anyways. Very metal, in a way. Y’know, like: “Hey this group is unethical and whatnot, but we don’t even care, man.” This shows that you have much fortitude and solidarity. Have fun battling global warming with detuned power chords. Most satanically yours,

CJ Ciaramella
Ring Leader, Oregon Commentator
\m/ \m/

P.S. We are excited to be “called out” but are unsure of what this specifically entails. If you could please tell us so we can properly “come out,” we would much appreciate it.

  1. Vincent says:

    The Athiarchists? Yeah, we got a picture of them.

  2. nike urbanism duk says:

    You could hear that shitty wanna bee death metal all the way to the Knight Library. Thank you OSPIGGG and your poser heroin addict groupees. The PIG has gone too far this time stalking the campus with this audio terrorism as revenge for being slashed. Hope you got a photo of that pathetic band for the cover of the Hate issue.

  3. JMB says:

    I was subjected to this atrocity (“Sustainapalooza”) while trying to get work done in my office on Saturday. “Crappy college bands” doesn’t even begin to describe how awful it was.

  4. nike urbanism duk says:

    Now that you all have led to the gradual demise of OSPIGG it is time to demystify and deconstruct a more entrenched and formidable money laudering entity: THE UO FOUNDATION- good luck and may the force be with you.

  5. Sakaki says:

    There are two difference between the OSPIRG of then and the OSPIRG of now:

    1) The OSPIRG/PIRG organization did not have to deal with a little thing that Rudy Giuliani developed and made into federal law. The RICO Statute.

    2) People are more educated by the work of the OC, independent members on campus from both sides of the political spectrum, and those who actually care about student funds.

  6. Burton says:

    I’m still wrapping my brain around that fact that someone thought it would be a good idea to let OSPIRG back on campus after we kicked them out in the 90s. Has their model changed? I mean, last I checked it was still “take student money and put it in general accounts in order to forward our political agenda – and no, we won’t be accountable for your cash”. Am I wrong?

  7. Sakaki says:

    Happy heavy metal. Sounds a lot like happy hardcore.

    Oh…wait…let me put it into language that anyone can understand:

    “Your sound sucks, and you all should be pushed off a high cliff while stuffed inside a Volkswagen Terrorist Van.”

  8. Rockne Andrew Roll says:

    “Happy Heavy Metal Band?” Is that a cute oxymoron? Like “Ethical PIRG” or “battling global warming by having a heavy metal concert” or ” pseudo-political metal band from Eugene that doesn’t annoy the everloving shit out of me.”

    Good Fucking God, do you guys suck.

  9. IMSummers says:

    ha what’s a “happy heavy metal band?” sorry guys but I like my metal bleak and hopeless.

  10. Andrew says:

    Thumb war to settle it. Winner takes all.

    \m/ \m/

  11. nike urbanism duk says:

    Oh great they are gonna save the PIG from the dreaded swine flu. They should serve raw pork to the crowd. Reminds me of one of those shit bands Al Gore used to show up with to “rock the vote” at Mac Court. If you can get this damn band kicked off campus maybe the Oregon “Bus Project” can haul them away and dump them off in some syringe infested park in felony flats to play a free concert for the dope dealers down that way.

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